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I'm Honey!

As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

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Passages After 50

Why women over 50 feel invisible and what to do about it

“I feel invisible because of my age,” is a thought on the minds of many women of a certain age.

I did not say a specific age, nor did I say all women are faced with this dilemma. After all, these feelings depend on the woman. But I will say this, more women than not, as they age, feel invisible.

It was when a close girlfriend of mine said, “I feel invisible” during an informal focus group I held for a small group of women over 60, that the word invisible became part of my vocabulary for the first time.

Until that day almost one year ago, my only connection the word “invisible” was Casper the Ghost. So, the word – and its meaning – was not a thought in this visible woman’s mind. I will tell you later why I feel visible and why the word invisible made such a strong impression on me.

Is invisibility about not looking young anymore?

Getting back to my focus group, the word invisible ignited a lively conversation among my girlfriends who were in their 60s and 70s. They were college graduates, women who had interesting careers. They were women who were wives or had a significant other, and many women who had children and grandchildren.

Many of these women were well-traveled and involved in “extracurricular” activities. And yet, several of these lovely women said, “I feel invisible!”

Why? All their answers were the same, “Because I no longer ‘look’ young.”

I remember the day so clearly. I remember every one of their stories. I remember how I felt listening to them describe their feelings. I was stunned that my girlfriends felt invisible. I saw them as very visible. The word invisible upset me.

Do I feel invisible?

During the past year, in certain situations, my mind confronted the word – invisible.

I would walk into a restaurant with my husband, Sheldon Good, and say to myself, as we were walking to our table, “Do I feel invisible?”

I would be with several members of our family, all younger, and ask myself, “Do I feel invisible?”

I would walk into Barney’s shoe department where there were younger girls waiting for a salesperson and ask myself, “Will the salesperson choose to wait on the younger women over me? Am I invisible because I am an older woman?”

And on and on this went… to the point I wished I had never held that focus group!

Fight Invisibility with Positivity and Activity!

The more I delved into my feelings, the more I realized that I felt not only visible but very visible because I am actively involved in life. In other words, visibility has everything to do with a woman’s positive and interesting lifestyle. I am of the opinion that 80 percent of a woman’s beauty is her inner beauty, not her outer looks, nor her age.

As a visible woman, I have maintained a relevant lifestyle, which means being connected to interesting people, places and being “involved in the now.”

I wear many hats. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend, world traveler, student, writer and owner of an online company. I work at being a relevant woman.

And so, this is my advice to any woman at any age who finds herself feeling invisible: When you are going through “an invisible passage” of life, it is up to you to find your personal gateway to feeling visible.

Invisibility is Not Age Related

Here is the true story of a girlfriend who had lived her entire life in New York. She was a city girl. She was married, had four children and owned a small newspaper. One day as she was walking down 5th Avenue, out of the blue she said to herself, “I feel invisible.” She determined it was age-related.

She went home, told her husband she felt invisible and together they made a plan to move to a community with an older population. She moved across America to Rancho Mirage, California. She and her husband began life anew. That was twenty years ago. She is now in her upper 80s and as visible today as she was in the thirties. She leads a wonderful life as a wife, girlfriend and jewelry designer.

When you are emotionally fulfilled, you become a visible woman. You feel your step has a bounce and your laughter is contagious. You stand erect with great posture, with your head held high. You know you are respected by your husband, your family and your peers who see your relevancy, not your looks.

How to Get Started on the Path to Visibility

Here are four ideas to get you started on your path to feeling visible.

First, choose to spend your time with women who lead relevant lives and see themselves as visible. Their attitudes will rub off on you.

Choose a new hobby or start a career. I began writing in my sixties.

If you are an avid reader, why not visit your local library, meet the librarian and ask what is going on? See if there is a place for you to help children in the children’s department or you can consider taking classes set up by the library staff. You will begin to feel your relevancy, your visibility.

Finally, be a lifelong learner. I just finished a two-day seminar in the Art of Negotiation. I wanted to learn how to handle business and family interaction. I was one of the only women in the class and I could have been many of the participants’ grandmother!

Of course I noticed that I was older, but I felt relevant, dear readers. I was learning and learning is power and power is a very uplifting. I was living in the now and I felt invigorated with my new knowledge which in turn made me feel like a very visible woman.

I’ll leave you with this: If you want to change what is “visible,” start with the “invisible”. The key to feeling relevant, important, and valued lies within you. I see very clearly that there is so much you have to offer the world. Do you?

Do you feel invisible in your 60s? What have you done to make a shift to become a visible, relevant woman? What do you notice and admire about visible, relevant women? Please join the conversation.Honey Good's signature

January 22, 2017

Passages After 50, Relationships

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  1. Vivian says:

    I really love this article……well written and thoughtful as well as thought-provoking!

  2. Linda Cobb says:

    I fight my invisibility with subbing in my old teaching high school. I find that students are often surprised to find an older person with a sense of humor and awareness of today, who genuinely likes them. So far, I have been lucky, but see that I am called in less and less for jobs. I do feel less than my worth when becoming less and less called upon. Physically I bloom when needed at my old stomping grounds. You are helping me fight the depression of "invisibility". Thank you.

    • Honey Good says:

      Classrooms NEED teachers like you, Maybe you should ask the class to write a paper on why they life older teachers. You can come up with a great title, I am just giving you the idea. If you like my suggestion and the papers are great show them to the principal if she has the ability to ask you to come in more often and enjoy the reads yourself. I think the children will make you happy. Warmly, Honey.

  3. Terry says:

    Am so grateful for the husband/family, friends, community that I have surrounding me. Luckily I have never felt invisible nor has anyone ever attempted to make me feel that way. I have worked hard on myself to stay visible. I do believe it takes effort to be engaged, interested, healthy, involved and stylish, etc. But so worth the effort. My heart breaks for those women who do feel invisible. I wish I knew how to help. Fortunately with your posts you are reaching so many women with important information. My prayer is at least one woman will read your post and have the encouragement she needs to become visible again!

    • Honey Good says:

      My heart breaks too for those many women who feel invisible. You said," I have worked hard to stay visible.: You are so right. Hopefully one of our sisters will read what you said and get encouraged. Warmly, Honey

  4. Robin Newman says:

    I too feel invisible,Caretaker,mother,friendWe have decided to move to an American English Colony and start a new life in our 60’s husband late 70’s.New house,new friends,new activities.Grands and Children are all doing their things and we felt old,bored and dragnet!Hope this is what we are looking for!

    • Honey Good says:

      You are dreaming big and going for change. This will be a new adventure and I think it is great. You are continuing to explore life. Go Girl!!!!! Warmly, Honey

  5. Yes indeed I do feel invisible, I am 62 years old and live with my eldest son who asked that I relocate to GA to help with his daughter, upon my arrival here I have been ignored and put in a position of cleaning, cooking while he sits on a chair and plays video games on his days off and after he comes from work. Meanwhile, I would leave if I had the means to after raising him as a single Mom I do deserve more than what he’s giving. I have nowhere to go and on a fixed income, I am stuck and very depressed.

    • Honey Good says:

      Dear jareen, I am so sorry. I think you might consider looking for free women groups to reach out to. If you do not know how, call the local library and ask the receptionist who answers the phone. If she does not know ask to speak to the head librarian. Tell her you just moved and need to meet other women in your situations. Do not be afraid. If she cannot help you ask her is she knows someone who can. You need women companionship. Warmly, Honey

  6. Vicki says:

    I love this topic and your blog! Being visible is all about ones energy level and enthusiasm for life! In my late 30’s, I traded a very comfortable marriage to a surgeon for the freedom to express my own desires, ambitions and explore the big, unknown world out there. Everyone was horrified, but I didn’t look back. In fact, I say that my life really began with that action!

    Since then, I’ve had projects ranging from fashion, media, real estate and produced a feature film in my mid 50’s with no industry background at all. I just had tons of passion and really just charged ahead without thinking of failure or consequence. It was, and is, always about having fun! Enjoying life. No missed opportunities!

    My girlfriends range from mid 50’s to 70’s and almost all have given up on dating. They are convinced men only want younger women. I tell them their beliefs are creating a negative energy field and killing their chances!

    I’ve been fortunate to have enjoyed several relationships with men of substance, taste and integrity. My current man is a philanthropist- generously provides his time and resources to the community, family oriented, compassionate and treats me beautifully. A real mensch. He expands my life with a new host of interests, viewpoints and activities- and I’m having the most exciting times ever!

    To me, the key to being visible is writing your own life script, never say never. and always embrace change and adventure. Positive energy attracts!! Just get out there and live life Big!!

    • Honey Good says:

      I am smiling! You began to explore life and nothing stopped you from writing your own script. Me, too. We are sisters. Warmly, Honey

  7. Jane lindberg says:

    I notice it more when the family gathers…seems difficult to be heard, they used to look for my input. Not so much now.

    • Honey Good says:

      You are not alone. One of my closest friends has the same problem. And she is a very vocal person. It is a problem for many of us. MAKE YOUR SELF HEARD. Walk around with great posture, put a smile on your face and plunge in. Warmly, Honey

  8. Karen says:

    Definitely feeling invisible. I’m not ready to retire. In fact I feel I’ve finally found my purpose in innovation and design thinking. However, this far finding a company that will give a 50+ women no less the time of day is proving difficult. Definitely not giving up yet but discouragement comes frequently. Thanks for an encouraging article to keep going.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      Please continue to try.I have found that nothing good happens by accident. I have been put to the test many times and still carry on.
      Eventually I find a path. And, it is not always the path I set out on. That is the beauty of life. Warmly, Honey

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