Many women, under and over 50, report feeling lonely and invisible. After years of pondering, I’ve found some common threads as to why. I’ll offer my tips for a good course of action to take back your life and emerge as a visible woman.

To me, loneliness and invisibility are two peas in the same pod. One loops into the other. If you are feeling lonely, you are probably feeling invisible, too. “I feel invisible because of my age” is a thought on the minds of many women.

I did not specify an age, nor did I say that all women face this dilemma. After all, these feelings depend on the woman. But I will say this: women can feel lonely and invisible at any age, though changes later in life can make these feelings especially pronounced. Over the last few years, I’ve learned that loneliness is a worldwide epidemic. The fact that I’ve been writing about loneliness and invisibility since at least 2019 should say something. Governments, health organizations, and communities are finally beginning to recognize how serious prolonged loneliness and social isolation can be.

The invisibility women feel is also real. Many women believe that by the time they reach 51, they have become invisible to men and to society. I find that ridiculous, if you want my two cents. If you believe, as I do, that age is only a number, nothing should stop you from having romantic relationships, friendships, purpose, or adventure throughout your life.

How Social Isolation Can Leave You Feeling Lonely and Invisible

Social isolation can do something quietly dangerous to a woman. It can begin to make her feel invisible. Not because she has disappeared. Not because she has become less interesting, less intelligent, or less worthy of being seen. But because when a woman is no longer moving through the world, meeting people, going places, laughing, talking, dressing for an occasion, and taking part in the rhythm of life, she can slowly begin to feel as though she has slipped outside of it.

Loneliness does not always mean sitting alone in a room. You can be surrounded by people at a dinner table and feel lonely. Sometimes loneliness means having no one to call when you want to talk. Sometimes it is realizing that your days have become smaller, your conversations fewer, and your world increasingly contained within the walls of your home. Sometimes it is walking down a street and feeling that no one notices you because you are older. Slowly, a woman can begin to wonder: Does anyone see me anymore? A wise woman understands that invisibility is not something she must automatically accept.

How to Step Back Into Your Life When You’re Feeling Lonely

She may have spent years caring for a husband, raising children, helping family, working, giving, entertaining, traveling, and being needed by everyone else. Then her circumstances change. The children leave the nest. A husband becomes ill or passes away. Friends downsize, move away, or disappear into their own lives. Retirement alters her routine. Poor health limits her independence. The life she once knew is suddenly no longer available to her.

But her life is not over because one chapter has ended. I am going to give you the same pep talk I give myself:

• She has the power to reject invisibility.
• She does not always wait for the phone to ring. She makes the call.
• She does not always wait to be invited. She extends an invitation.
• She nurtures her old friendships and remains open to cultivating new ones.
• She stays curious. She reads, learns, attends lectures, asks questions, and joins conversations that keep her mind engaged.

She does not surrender her sense of style or her commitment to her health. She makes an effort to eat nourishing food, move her body, put on her red lipstick, look in the mirror, and say, “Look out, world. Here I come!” This takes effort. I know.

The Invisible Woman Syndrome

Though I now realize what a profound problem invisibility can become, it never crossed my mind until a few years ago. It was when a close girlfriend of mine said, “I feel invisible,” during an informal focus group I held for a small group of women over 60. The word “invisible” became part of my vocabulary for the first time. Until that day, my only connection to the word “invisible” was Casper the Ghost! So, the word and its meaning in relation to a woman were not thoughts in this visible woman’s mind.

Much of the “Invisible Woman” epidemic is perpetuated by society and culture, which often undervalue and overlook women over 50 through persistent stereotypes and limited media representation. Many women believe their relevance diminishes as they age, but this is a myth perpetuated by societal attitudes.

How wise is a woman under 50 compared with a woman who has lived five, six, seven, or eight decades? Youth has beauty, Darling, but experience has its own radiance. I firmly believe a woman’s most lasting beauty shines from within. It is her warmth, the sparkle in her eye, her intellect, her curious nature, and her ability to connect with others. That light can shine until her last breath.

Is Invisibility About Not Looking Young?

Getting back to my focus group, the word invisible ignited a lively conversation among my girlfriends who were in their 60s and 70s. Some were in their 80s. They were college graduates and women who had interesting careers. They were wives or had significant others, and many had children and grandchildren. I firmly believe women need involvement and community to combat loneliness. Many of these women were well traveled and involved in extracurricular activities. And yet, several of these lovely women said, “I feel invisible!”

Why? All their answers were the same: “Because I no longer look young.”

Society places far too much value on youth and physical appearance. As women age, some sense that the attention once directed toward them is shifting elsewhere. That shift can affect their confidence, even when they are accomplished, intelligent, loved, and involved. On a lighter note, perhaps older women in this country should move to Japan, where age and wisdom are treated with greater reverence!

Understanding the Causes of Feeling Lonely and Invisible

Loneliness and invisibility are experiences that touch so many women, especially as we move into later stages of life. The invisible woman syndrome is a real epidemic, one that countless older women encounter as they notice the world’s attention shifting away from them.

The truth is that these feelings are not always personal failures. They are influenced by the way our culture views women and aging. When a woman feels invisible, it may be because society has stopped noticing her contributions and wisdom, or because she herself has begun to believe that her most meaningful years are behind her.

Recognizing what is causing these feelings is the first step toward reclaiming confidence and a sense of self. Once a woman understands that invisibility is not proof that she has lost her value, she can begin to challenge the story she has been telling herself.

The Impact on Mental Health

The emotional impact of feeling invisible can be profound, affecting a woman’s overall mental health. Many women who experience loneliness and invisibility in their later years also experience anxiety, depression, and a loss of self confidence. It’s important to remember that mental health is just as vital as physical health, and prioritizing emotional well being is essential at every age.

Building a strong support network of friends, family, and community can help women feel more visible and valued. Engaging in activities that bring joy, whether it’s picking up a new hobby, volunteering, or simply spending time with interesting people, can reignite a sense of purpose and self confidence… and a form of self care!

And if loneliness begins to feel unmanageable, please speak with a trusted doctor or mental health professional. Seeking help is not an admission of weakness. It is an act of self care and wisdom.

My Thoughts on Feeling Lonely and Invisible

Now, after years of thought, I get it. Widowhood, divorce, lack of friends, social isolation, boredom, an empty nest, retirement, indifference from a spouse, financial worries, loss of independence, changes in appearance, caregiving, and poor health can create feelings of loneliness and invisibility.

These life changes can make a woman feel invisible not only in public, but also within her closest relationships and in the daily rhythm of her life. So we have a choice, Darling. We can remain invisible like Casper the Ghost, or we can, as I always said to my daughters and now to my grands, in a very upbeat and fast sounding voice, “TRY, TRY, TRY!”

I Know I Can

TRY to fight loneliness and invisibility with the remedies available to you. Remember, you are the only person who can decide to step forward and begin reclaiming your visibility. And I say this to you who are feeling in a funk, who are in a rut, or who are apathetic: think of that little engine that said, “I know I can. I know I can.”

Over the past few years, in certain situations, my mind confronted the word invisible. When I was with several members of our family, all younger, I’d ask myself, “Do I feel invisible?” When I walked into Barney’s shoe department, where there were younger girls waiting for a salesperson, I would ask myself, “Will the salesperson choose to wait on the younger women over me? Am I invisible because I am an older woman?” And on and on this went, to the point I wished I had never held that focus group!

But this exercise also taught me something. I did not feel invisible because of my age. I felt visible when I was participating in life, using my voice, caring for my appearance, learning, working, loving, and connecting with interesting people.

Fight Feeling Lonely and Invisible With Positivity and Activity

Before my Ultimate Concierge’s illness isolated me and changed our world, I felt not only visible, but very visible because I was actively involved in life. Feelings of loneliness and invisibility were not part of my vocabulary. Today, my circumstances are different. My Ultimate Concierge is fighting vascular dementia, and much of my life takes place close to him in our apartment in the sky. My world has become smaller. I do not attend as many lunches, dinners, meetings, or social events. When I do leave, part of my mind remains at home with him.

I share this because I do not want to pretend that choosing visibility is always simple. Sometimes life places genuine limits around us. Sometimes a woman is not hiding from the world. She is caring for someone she deeply loves. Sometimes she is exhausted, grieving, or trying to survive a chapter she never imagined.

Yet even in this smaller world, I must find ways to remain connected to myself. I write. I work. I serve on a national board. I speak with women in my community. I walk America. I light my Shabbat candles. I put flowers on my table. I call family and friends. I care for my appearance because it lifts my spirit. These are quiet acts of visibility. They remind me that I am still here.

 

Be a Visible Woman

You must spend time with others who make you feel connected, and you must have the mindset to do so. In other words, visibility has everything to do with a woman’s positive and interesting lifestyle. I am of the opinion that 80 percent of a woman’s beauty is her inner beauty, not her outer looks or her age. Women over 50 should focus on their inner beauty and self worth rather than external appearances.

As a visible woman, I have maintained a relevant lifestyle, which means being connected to interesting people, places, and being involved in the now. My saving grace is that I wear many hats. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend, world traveler, student, writer, national board member, and owner of an online business. I work at being a relevant woman. And so, this is my advice to any woman at any age who finds herself feeling invisible: when you are going through an invisible passage of life, it is up to you to find your personal gateway to feeling visible.

It takes effort to become visible and to maintain your relevance. Visibility does not simply happen on its own. You must decide to participate in your life in whatever ways your current circumstances allow. By taking even one positive action, you begin reclaiming your confidence and your sense of self worth.

Invisibility Is Not Only Age Related

You may think that you are alone in your loneliness, but there are many out there who feel as you do. And I must add, some are very young. Here is the true story of a girlfriend who had lived her entire life in New York. She was a city girl. She was married, had four children, and owned a small newspaper.

One day as she was walking down Fifth Avenue, out of the blue she said to herself, “I feel invisible.” She determined it was age related, believing that older women were treated as less noticeable or relevant. She went home, told her husband she felt invisible, and together they made a plan to move to a community with an older population. She moved across America to Rancho Mirage, California. She and her husband began life anew.

That was twenty years ago. She is now in her upper 80s and as visible today as she was in her 30s. She leads a wonderful life as a wife, girlfriend, and jewelry designer.

When you are emotionally fulfilled, you become a visible woman. You feel your step has a bounce and your laughter is contagious. You stand erect with great posture, with your head held high. And you know you are respected by your husband, your family, and your peers, who see your relevance, not merely your looks.

How to Get Started on Your Path to Visibility

I believe we can all be more visible, vital and relevant in the second halves of our lives. Here are some ideas to get you started on your path to feeling visible. Embracing these ideas can inspire hope and confidence that greater visibility is possible for every woman over 50.

• Spend time alone: Keep a journal. Learn to love the quiet of the day with nothing but your own company. Why? Because it gives you time to explore your feelings. Question yourself, your motivations and your reactions to your experiences. I am not telling you to become a recluse or to seek social isolation. I am explaining the importance of taking time to be alone and feel comfortable with your own company. Solitude chosen with purpose is different from loneliness imposed upon you.
• Take more risks: Stop being stuck in the past. You will feel better moving forward. Delve into something you have wanted to accomplish. A risk does not have to mean boarding a plane alone or changing your entire life. It may mean introducing yourself to another woman, enrolling in a class, asking for help, or trying an activity that makes you a little nervous.
• Reject self pity: Don’t allow your past regrets to saddle you to your past. You want to move forward, not backward. Give yourself compassion, Darling, but do not build a permanent home inside self pity. Feel your feelings, mourn your losses, and then take one deliberate step toward life.
• Seek out like-minded people who learn and evolve: Choose to spend your time with women who lead relevant lives, see themselves as visible, and cultivate meaningful connections. Their attitudes will rub off on you. Look for women who are curious, genuine, and comfortable making their own decisions. Shared values matter far more than matching ages or identical lifestyles.
• Explore and travel: If you live in Illinois, you can drive to Abraham Lincoln’s library. The outing need not be costly or far away to be fruitful. I visited my high school friends in Kankakee by the Sea. We had lunch. I left with new information, happy as could be, and I hope to return to reconnect. If major travel is not possible, explore your own city. Visit a museum, garden, neighborhood, lecture, or restaurant. Exploration keeps the mind awake and gives you something new to discuss.
• Honor your desire: Open yourself up to self-awareness and shape your dreams into reality. Ask yourself what still interests you. What do you want to learn, see, experience, or contribute? Desire is evidence that you are still engaged with life. Do not dismiss it merely because you have reached a certain age.
• Be a lifelong learner: I once attended a two day seminar on the Art of Negotiation because I wanted to learn how to handle business and family interactions. Not only was I one of the only women in the class, I could have been the grandmother of many participants! Of course I noticed that I was older than most of the young people there, but I felt relevant, Darling. Learning is power, and power is uplifting. I was living in the now and felt invigorated by my new knowledge, which in turn made me feel like a very visible woman.
• Choose a new hobby or activity: If you are an avid reader, why not visit your local library and meet the librarian and ask what is going on? See if there is a place for you to help children in the children’s department or you can consider taking classes set up by the library staff.

I began writing in my 60s, and I very much enjoy working every day. It gives me purpose, and I am blessed because I chose a career, or rather, it picked me, that connects me with women who lead interesting lives or are in need of a little Honey Good advice.

Aging Well and Staying Visible Is About Your Attitude

Your lifestyle will be determined by your attitude. Your visibility will be determined by your relevance. Remember it is your inner thoughts that will provide you with visibility. As women age, it becomes even more important to make an intentional effort to remain visible. Maintain your confidence and authenticity. Care for your health. Stay fit in whatever way your body allows. Dress in a manner that makes you feel polished. Keep an active mind. Smile. Creating and claiming your own space in the world is part of remaining visible and relevant.

When you find something that brings you purpose, a reason to put your red lipstick on and blow dry your hair and walk out of the door, do it! When you have a reason to speak, contribute, and genuinely connect with others, your relevance and visibility will light you up from within.

It may be that you’ve outgrown some of the friends you have and you’re in a new stage in life. Before the age of 50, women are in sync with one another. They lead similar lifestyles and have similar routines. My friend Joyce says that she reinvents herself every 10 years, and I’ve come to think that we all do. Is it time to reinvent yourself?

Are You Ready for a Shift?

I’ll leave you with this: if you want to change what is visible, start with the invisible. The key to feeling relevant, important, and valued lies within you. I see very clearly that there is so much you have to offer the world.

Do you?

Do you feel lonely or invisible in your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, or beyond? What have you done to make a shift and become a more visible, relevant woman? What do you notice and admire about women who remain interested, connected, and fully engaged with life? I would love for you to join the conversation in the comments below or write to me at askme@honeygood.com. You are not invisible. You are visible and vibrant! Amen.