There is no greater power in a daughter’s life than her mother. Today, on Mother’s Day, a day meant to honor and celebrate the women who gave us life, I light a candle in memory of my own mother. The flicker of the flame whispers her wisdom, and I speak softly to her spirit: “I think of you daily with love and gratitude. I am proud to be your daughter.”

 

The Power of Surrender

While many are wrapped in the warmth of cards and phone calls, I know there are thousands of mothers and grandmothers spending this day in silence and solitude. I am one of them. I see you and I feel your pain. As an estranged mother and grandmother, I mourn not just the absence of my daughters, but the ripples that estrangement has sent through our family tree. The toxicity and distance, though not of my choosing, now echo through generations.

I grieved, deeply, for eight years. The grief of estrangement is invisible, yet it cuts to the bone. I am not being dramatic when I say I believe it has taken years off my life. The grief settled into my body like a quiet, heavy and ever-present shadow. Then suddenly, one morning, the pit in my stomach was gone. I felt a sense of relief and wondered, how did this happen?

It wasn’t magic. There wasn’t a phone call of reconciliation or a grand revelation. It was the quiet, steady power of surrender. After years of wrestling with the why and the how, I finally laid down my armor and stepped out of the mental war zone I had lived in for far too long. I released myself from the exhausting hope that I could control someone else’s journey. I accepted, with grace, what I could not change. In doing so, my grief finally lifted.

My Mother’s Presence

Throughout my years of grief, the quiet strength of my mother never left me. Her voice echoed in my heart, clear, firm, and loving, “You do not deserve the title of estranged mother or grandmother. Walk with pride and hold your head high.” My mother never rushed my grief. She allowed me to feel the depth of my sorrow on my own terms. Even in my darkest hours, she lifted me with her unwavering belief in my worth. She reminded me of who I am: a woman of value, love, and strength.

She also knew, as I know now, that our daughters may not fully grasp the magnitude of what they’ve lost. My daughters lost me and the legacy of love, wisdom, and connection that once wove our family together. That, my darling reader, is their loss to bear… Not mine.

This Mother’s Day, I pass her wisdom on to you, dear reader. If you are a mother or grandmother navigating the painful reality of estrangement, hear this clearly: You did not earn this title and you deserve dignity and peace. Walk with your head held high.

Reflecting in the Shower

My moments of reflection often arrive with warm water and steam. This mother’s day, I closed my eyes and found myself walking through a lush rainforest. Suddenly, three generations of women appeared: my mother, one daughter, and myself. As I stood in the center, one hand reached toward my mother (who lived until the age of 102) and the other toward my daughter, Jenny. They smiled as they approached and my smile grew looking at them with love.

I watched my mother walk toward me with grace and radiance in her twinkling blue eyes. Her spirit infused me with strength. She reminded me of who I am and the legacy of love I carry. I am proud to be her daughter.

Mother’s Day

As we pause to honor mothers on this special day, it’s comforting to remember that the tradition of celebrating motherhood stretches far beyond our own families and lifetimes. The history of Mother’s Day is a tapestry woven through ancient times, across continents, and into the heart of our modern lives. The history of Mother’s Day includes ancient festivals honoring mother goddesses like Cybele, and has evolved through the efforts of peace activists and social reformers.

Long before the second Sunday in May became a national holiday in the United States, families in other countries and cultures found creative ways to honor mothers and maternal figures. In ancient times, festivals dedicated to mother goddesses celebrated the power of women and the gift of life. These early traditions remind us that the desire to honor mothers is as old as humanity itself, and similar holidays have been observed in many cultures.

The modern Mother’s Day holiday, as we know it, began in the United States thanks to the devotion of Anna Jarvis. After the death of her own mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis—a remarkable woman and peace activist who organized “Mother’s Work Days” to support women and children and “Mother’s Friendship Day” to promote community health and reconciliation after the Civil War—Anna was determined to create a day that would honor mothers everywhere. Julia Ward Howe, another key figure, issued her 1870 Mother’s Day Proclamation, calling for women to unite in promoting peace, the amicable settlement of international questions, and the great and general interests of humanity. Her efforts in Boston were promoted for about ten years before losing popularity. Anna’s efforts led to the first Mother’s Day service in 1908 at St. Andrew’s Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia, where white carnations, her mother’s favorite flower, became the official flower of the holiday. The white carnation came to symbolize the purity and unconditional love of a mother’s heart, while pink carnations are used to honor a living mother. This event is recognized as the first national Mother’s Day, marking a significant moment in the history of the holiday.

Anna Jarvis’s vision quickly blossomed. By 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May a national Mother’s Day to honor mothers. Families across the country began to celebrate with family dinners, special church services, and the giving of white carnations and heartfelt Mother’s Day cards. The tradition of the Mother’s Day card, often handmade by children, became a cherished way to express appreciation. The holiday became a cherished occasion for honoring not only one’s own mother but also grandmothers, foster mothers, and other beloved family members. The national Mother’s Day was soon recognized in the US and other countries, though it is not a federal public holiday in the United States.

Yet, the story of Mother’s Day is not limited to the United States. In the United Kingdom, Mothering Sunday is celebrated on the fourth Sunday in Lent, a tradition dating back to the Middle Ages. Originally, it was a day for people to return to their “mother church,” but over time, it evolved into a day for honoring mothers with gifts, greeting cards, and family gatherings. Other countries celebrate or celebrate Mother’s Day on different dates, such as Georgia, Ukraine, Belarus, Argentina, Taiwan, Paraguay, Indonesia, and Germany, each with unique traditions and historical contexts. Mother’s Day is celebrated globally, reflecting the diversity of customs and the cultural significance of the holiday. There are also other holidays that honor mothers or women in different cultures, highlighting the universal importance of motherhood.

Despite the commercialization that Anna Jarvis herself came to lament, the heart of Mother’s Day remains unchanged: it is a day to honor, to remember, and to express gratitude for the mothers who have given us life, love, and guidance. The modern Mother’s Day is observed in many countries, often with family gatherings, flowers, and gifts, and has become a part of contemporary culture. Mother’s Day is honored in various ways, including by recognizing other mothers and women who contribute to our communities, not just one’s own mother.

The historical context of Mother’s Day is deeply influenced by the Civil War and later by the world wars, which inspired calls for peace and unity. For example, the year Mother’s Day was first celebrated in Italy was 1957, showing how the holiday spread internationally. The legacy of mothers—mother’s legacy—continues through their work for peace, community service, and the general interests of society. The Mother’s Day holiday is a time when mother’s day is celebrated in different cultures, each adding its own meaning and traditions to this special day.

As we celebrate this second Sunday of May, let us remember the history of Mother’s Day and the generations of women—mothers, grandmothers, and daughters—who have shaped our lives with their strength, wisdom, and unconditional love.

Mother’s Day Celebrated Around the World

Mother’s Day is celebrated in countless ways around the world, each tradition reflecting the unique culture and history of its people, yet all united by a common desire: to honor mothers and the profound impact they have on our lives. In the United States, Mother’s Day is celebrated on the second Sunday in May, a national holiday established by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914. On this special Sunday, families gather for family dinners, children present heartfelt greeting cards and flowers, and mothers are showered with love and appreciation. The spirit of gift giving and togetherness fills homes, as families pause to honor mothers, grandmothers, and all those who nurture with unconditional love.

But the celebration of mothers is not confined to one country or a single date. In the United Kingdom, Mothering Sunday falls on the fourth Sunday in Lent, a tradition with roots in the Middle Ages. Originally, it was a day for families to return to their “mother church,” but over time, it blossomed into a day for honoring mothers with small gifts, family gatherings, and special church services. Other countries, such as Australia and Canada, also celebrate Mother’s Day on the second Sunday in May, while many nations have chosen different dates and customs to honor the mothers in their midst.

The origins of Mother’s Day are as varied as the families who celebrate it. In ancient times, festivals dedicated to mother goddesses—like the Greek celebrations for Cybele or the Roman festival of Hilaria—were early expressions of gratitude for the gift of life and the nurturing power of women. These ancient traditions remind us that the desire to honor mothers is woven into the fabric of human history, transcending borders and generations.

The modern Mother’s Day holiday owes much to the devotion of Ann Jarvis, who, after the death of her own mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, organized the first Mother’s Day service in West Virginia. The Wanamaker Store Auditorium in Philadelphia hosted one of the earliest large-scale celebrations, drawing families together in a public expression of gratitude and love. From these beginnings, the holiday has grown into a cherished occasion, celebrated in different ways and on different dates, but always with the same heartfelt purpose.

Today, Mother’s Day is both a deeply personal and widely celebrated holiday. In some countries, it is marked by special church services or community festivals; in others, by quiet family dinners or the simple act of giving a card or a bouquet of flowers. While the commercial side of the holiday—greeting cards, flowers, and gifts—has grown, the heart of Mother’s Day remains unchanged: it is a day to honor the mothers who shape our lives, to celebrate the bonds of family, and to express gratitude for the unconditional love that only a mother can give.

No matter where or how it is celebrated, Mother’s Day is a reminder of the enduring legacy of mothers. Whether on the second Sunday in May, the fourth Sunday in Lent, or another day entirely, families around the world come together to honor the women who have given them life, love, and guidance. In celebrating Mother’s Day, we celebrate the very essence of human life and the timeless connection between mothers and their children.

Mother-Daughter Relationships

Mother-daughter relationships are rarely simple. We love each other fiercely, clash just as passionately, and when the moment calls for it, we hold each other up. The bond may be complex, but it is deep, enduring, and undeniably real.

My mother ruled with love and structure. We tangled often, but her critiques were rooted in devotion. Her criticism did not pacify me or stop me from trying things my way. Does this sound familiar? When I left home at eighteen, I carried her values like a compass. She was my greatest teacher, even if I didn’t always know it at the time.

Looking back, I never would have imagined a world where a daughter would estrange herself from her mother. Yet here I am, wondering how my daughters arrived at that place.

Becoming a Mother

When I matured and became a mother myself, my perspective shifted. My mother’s flaws, once glaring, softened in the light of her wisdom. I realized how fortunate I was to carry her teachings in my head and heart. These lessons shaped my values, my resilience, and my way of mothering. I often wonder… Why don’t my daughters see the same?

Yes, my mother and I had our ups and downs, but even when I knew, truly knew, that I was right, I would pick up the phone or walk into her room to apologize (often with my fingers crossed behind my back as my secret protest). It was never about winning. It was about honoring my mother because respect came before pride.

I never imagined life without her. She was such a constant in my life and the thought of being motherless simply never occurred to me. Now that she is gone, I cherish the imprint she left behind. I often remember the squeeze of her hand in mine, the wisdom she whispered through her actions, her joy, her growth, her grace and her love of family. She gave me both my family roots and my personal wings to chart my own chapter. Her legacy lives on in me.

Reflecting on my journey, I realize that I am part of my mother’s legacy—her influence continues to shape my life and the lives of those who come after me.

The Evolution of the Mother-Daughter Bond

No two relationships are alike. Each mother-daughter dynamic is uniquely shaped by time, personality, and experience. As young girls, we adore our mothers. We mimic, we admire, we need. Then, as teens, we yearn to differentiate and that’s natural. I remember my mother insisting I wear my hair short and I wanted it long… She won. Now, I smile, remembering this memory.

Eventually, daughters become mothers themselves and begin to notice echoes of their own mothers within. Some embrace it and others resist. In my family, one daughter mirrors me almost exactly (even our walk is the same!). The other daughter, despite years of affection and devotion, chose distance. Ironically, she’s the one who once wrote me the most loving letters.

Though my daughters are now estranged, I often reflect on the evolution of our relationships. There were moments of closeness and of course, there were bumps in the road (misunderstandings and differences in perspective), but that is the tapestry of love. It is textured and it is not perfect. Even now, I hold those memories close and choose to treasure the light-filled chapters. They are part of my story as a mother, and always will be.

The ways mothers shape their children’s lives and values are profound, leaving a lasting impact that extends through generations.

When Trauma Alters the Family Fabric

Emotional trauma has a way of distorting even the strongest bonds. When my daughters suddenly lost their father, the world tilted. My eventual remarriage to my Ultimate Concierge was another shift they struggled to absorb.

They were raised in a gentle culture, one that prized family togetherness. Perhaps In their eyes, I didn’t just remarry, I moved on. That wound, though unintentional, was deep.

Still, I gave them all of me. I tried to balance the roles of loving mother and devoted wife, but it wasn’t enough. I have come to realize that daughters often still see themselves as children, even after becoming mothers. They want the nest to remain intact and when it changes, the grief can come out sideways.

To All Mothers on Mother’s Day

With the ending of my story, I leave you with this…

Scholars say the umbilical cord between mother and daughter can never truly be severed and I believe this. The maternal connection remains in an estranged mother-daughter relationship. I am smiling because I am proud to be my mother’s daughter and I want to believe, underneath all the complications, misunderstandings, and wounds… My daughters feel the same about me.

To those of you who are celebrated today, soak it in and let the hugs, the words, and the moments fill your heart. To the mothers, like me, who sit with the ache of separation, please celebrate yourself. You are still a mother and you have given life, love, and guidance. Your role cannot be erased, no matter the circumstances.

This Mother’s Day, I ask you to nurture yourself. Take a walk in the sunshine, curl up with a good book, write in your favorite journal, enjoy a cup of tea… Whatever you do, do it in honor of you. Happy Mother’s Day, Darling!