My goal is to help you create a lifestyle of positivity and possibility. I am smiling!

– Warmly, Honey

ALIENATION OF AN ADULT CHILD & GRANDPARENT ESTRANGEMENT

I am sharing this deeply personal experience in honor of World Mental Health Day. My hope is that if you too have experienced the heartbreak of the estrangement of an adult child or grandparent estrangement, you will understand that you are not alone. In fact, sweet reader, you will find that many others are sharing in your grief. We need not be silent. Nor should we be ashamed. Though it is not easy, we can come to a place of acceptance. 

I am Honey Good. There was a time when I was a grandmother to 26 Grands. Read on, I am here to share my story. 

It isn’t easy to tell my story. As a matter of fact, it has taken me five years to expose the pain a mother goes through when a child rejects her. Yes, I am the mother of an adult child who no longer is in my life. It was her choice. 

What prompted me to divulge my pain? I am writing my story because I studied this topic. Over time I have learned there is an epidemic of adult children who no longer speak to their parents. This often sadly brings grandparent estrangement into the epidemic as well. I’m sure, like myself, many of these parents do wonder how their ‘crime’ merits the severity of their punishment.  

ESTRANGEMENT FROM AN ADULT CHILD AND GRANDPARENT ESTRANGEMENT

I have had to emotionally battle my way out of grief. Though the pain and sadness will never leave, there have been some experiences and people that have made my life more tolerable. My husband and the rest of my family’s love. The support of my ‘best’ friends and also an extraordinary happening and finally a moment of clarity. 

There may be hope for your relationship yet. But, if, dear reader, you have done everything in your power. If you close your eyes each night feeling good about all you have done. About your actions and reactions in your attempts to rekindle the relationship with your adult child. Then you must accept what is and go forward with your life because you cannot change the thinking of others.  

One of my adult children has not spoken to me in five years. Unfortunately, she made this a family affair instead of a mother-daughter situation. 

Thus, I have lost contact with 9 grandchildren as well as my son-in-law. It was an abrupt cut-off. 

There was no argument between my daughter and myself. Up until that time, my relationship with all my grandchildren was warm, kind, and loving. The relationship with my son-in-law as well. All save for one. I have come to the conclusion, by her actions, that she is uncomfortable with my presence so she has excluded me. But, I am assuming. 

A HARD JOURNEY TO TRAVEL 

Anyway, the purpose of my story is not to discuss my history with my daughter. It is to tell you how I healed as best as possible from her loss and the loss of 9 grandchildren. It has not been an easy journey.

It took five years to come to terms with this troubling issue. To understand the importance of not letting the situation determine my happiness. I would not let it stop me from enjoying a fruitful life with my Ultimate Concierge and the rest of my large family. Of course, I will never be able to stop grieving and aching over these losses but I have learned to cope, most of the time.

HOW I HEALED

This is the story of how I handled myself, these past five years, as a mother and grandmother. Also of two positive happenings that helped bring the issue full circle. 

RECONCILIATION

I have asked myself a thousand times, “Why did I take the high road when this started? Why haven’t I roared out for five years? Because until recently, I have always thought taking the high road was a better choice. And, I still do with one caveat: Know the player before you do. 

Though I took the high road, and have for 5 years, my attempts at reconciliation failed. At the onset, I sent sentimental gifts. One was a paperweight with her zodiac sign. The card read: “I have loved you since the first time I held you in my arms.” That gift, I believe, was sent back with a short but not unkind note. Again, I sent a loving gift and when I received no response, I stopped. 

EMOTIONAL PAIN

Many hours have been spent over the years thinking about my relationship with my daughter. I know my strengths and weaknesses as a mom. My weaknesses should, in normal circumstances, not prompt this type of estrangement. This I know. I tell you this in case you are a parent like myself. You know you were not perfect, but what mom is?

Obviously, estranged adult children do find total justification in their actions. I have read that unfortunately most never come back. 

A psychiatrist friend told me that he had many daughters lying on his couch in his office. They would tell him how much they hated their moms but they never stopped loving them. And, in my situation, I feel in my heart, my daughter loves me. Yet I believe she feels her decision to stop communicating or seeing me is healthy for her. I came to this healthy but sad conclusion the day I walked alone in a labyrinth far above the Pacific Ocean.

This has not stopped me from spending hours crying and talking late into the night. Lying in bed with the lights off, with my Ultimate Concierge asking for his council. There have been many hours alone grieving over my loss. Some nights I have told my Ultimate Concierge I was choking with grief and could not go on without my whole family. 

My Ultimate Concierge has been my rock as well as other members of our family. As have my best friends. Unfortunately, I know the crying will never stop. My role as a mother and a grandmother in my daughter’s family gave me an uplifting sense of meaning and purpose. That is no more. I am sure some of you feel the same.

My emotions run wild. Sometimes, I feel sad, sometimes hurt. I am often bewildered, sometimes furious, and sometimes exhausted from the punishment. 

ACCEPTING IS A POSITIVE PART OF HEALING

Three years ago my Ultimate Concierge and I spent a week at a spa, The Golden Door. One day we hiked, just the two of us with a guide to the top of a mountain overlooking the Pacific Ocean. There was a labyrinth. A complicated irregular network of passages or paths in which it is difficult to find one’s way. The sages say that if you complete the path you will find your answer to a question.

Neither of us wanted to walk in the Labyrinth. I ultimately did but not before I said to the guide, “I have nothing on my mind.” I meant it. 

Curiously, the moment I set foot into the labyrinth, my thoughts drifted to the unhappy situation that I have with my daughter. When I walked out I felt a new beginning emerge. 

A MAZE OF FEELINGS

Walking through the maze I thought about my actions as a mom and my behavior over the past five years. I have come to the conclusion that my presence in my daughter’s life makes her unhappy and uncomfortable. That she did what she had to do to be happy. Though I often wonder how happy she is because she is a loving and caring young woman.

After I completed my walk, the guide walked up to me and held out a black bag. She said, “Put your hand into this bag and choose your treasure. It is filled with rocks, each with a different saying.” I put my hand into the black bag and took out one of the rocks. I could not believe the word that stared me in the face… ACCEPT.

The word on my rock gives me peace. It sits on my perfume tray as a reminder that I must accept what is not in my power to change. I have done what I think I can to reconcile with her and now it is time to try and accept.

And, for you, my sweet, reader who may be experiencing my circumstances, you too must try and accept what is not in your power to change. Whether it is with the estrangement of an adult child, grandparent estrangement, or another important situation. 

I also question my actions. Maybe I should not have taken the high road in this situation. Perhaps I could have stopped the bleeding. Was I right to keep my silence? I will never know.   

THE DAWNING 

About three weeks ago in the early morning, I  was sitting at my desk. I was staring at family photos and keepsakes when a light bulb went off. 

Out loud I said to myself, “OMG, I have suffered what amounts to death. Losing an adult child who no longer wants me in her life is a death.” 

The loss of some of my grandchildren…well, there are no words. I have been in mourning these past five years! This day was another turning point of transformation. It had never dawned on me that I had been in mourning yet it was so obvious. 

You have to mourn the loss of loved ones in your life. This is necessary to evolve into another stage of reconstructing your life. 

It took five years for me to go through the process of:

Shock

Grief

Anger

Depression 

and finally to ACCEPTANCE  

I tell myself, “Fortunately, I have many other grandchildren and adult children with who I share a strong and loving bond. They fill my cup. I am smiling.”

I WILL ALWAYS WONDER…

At times, I wonder how my daughter justifies her severe actions. Does she feel sad with a sense of remorse? Only she knows.

I remember a very dear friend’s husband, a doctor of psychiatry. Still, I hold onto what he said. 

“I have had many women on my couch tell me negative feelings about their moms, but not one of them does not love their mother. It is a fact.” 

MY MOM AND ME 

I look back on my childhood. My mom was not perfect. We had our mother-daughter differences.  

Nevertheless, she was my mom. The woman who taught me right from wrong. Who wiped my tears. Who explained the importance of kindness and love and feeling gratitude. 

All her good outweighed our differences. And, no matter how I felt when we had our mother-daughter disagreements, I never forgot one of Ten Commandments: Honor thy father and mother. 

I read that in the last decade adult children began disappearing from their parents’ lives. They decided their parents were not making them happy for one reason or another. They take their children, too, causing grandparent estrangement. I come from a generation that parents deserve a place of honor in the family. 

A MOTHER IS A MOTHER

Honestly, I can’t understand what goes on in an adult child’s mind to completely end a relationship with a parent(s). Or to cut their children out of their grandparents’ lives. Except in situations of cruelty, non-stop criticism, alcoholism, fear, or lack of love. I will never give up hope that there will come a day when my daughter and I will reconcile. My daughter holds the cards in her hand. Only she knows.

Until then I will live each day to its fullest while never tucking away my true feelings. If I am sad, I will cry. If I feel rage, I will roar to my Ultimate Concierge because you can’t bury meaningful relationships. Even ones that are off the track.  

Always I will offer my daughter her right of passage to come home to me. I am her mother. That cord that can never be severed.  

If you have had struggles that mirror mine, I offer these resources:

A series on the Stages of Estrangement

This helpful article

A support group

This book by psychologist, Josua Coleman: When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don’t Get Along

“A unique book helping parents whose relationship with their older or adult child has not turned out as they expected deal with their pain, shame, and sense of loss, and take steps toward healing.”

And this book: Done with the Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children

By Sheri McGregor, M.A. 

Sheri McGregor, M.A., helps parents break free from emotional pain—and move forward in their own lives.

I would love to hear from you. Are you a mother with an estranged adult child and/or grandchildren? Have you found a way to move forward? Please join the conversation and leave a comment below. 

Please share this story so others will know they are not alone.

Warmly, Honey

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38 Comments
  1. Dearest Suzy:
    There is no greater pain than when your children hurt you. I too have experienced a similar hurt as you have. I went through an ugly divorce and my youngest daughter at 13 years old decided to live with her father as her feelings towards my new husband were not of her liking. It was never announced to me how she truly felt nor did she tell me of her plan to depart. As I opened my front door coming home from work were many large trash bags filled with all her belongings and only than did she tell me of her plan. Part of my heart still lays on the floor when she left. I couldn’t let her go and to this day I work on our relationship with a heavy heart. I fought in court for her and spent money I did not have but she means the world to me. It’s taken years to make her love me She was a child who was tortured by a very disturbed father. Every single day of my life I want to be sure she knows how much I love her and my grandchildren. Our relationship eventually survived and she is there for me and tells me she loves me! I don’t think our stories are unusual, unfortunately. There is no answer. Never give up! With understanding and hugs and love. Madeleine Costello

    1. Dear Madeline, I always knew you were very special. Your daughter is lucky to have you as her role model. My daughter has worn me out. I cannot describe it. What she has done is almost intolerable; public banishment for all to see. When I see you in my mind, I see your beautiful smile. Where are you? Sending hugs and love back….

  2. My daughter and I were estranged for 3 months. She told me I was the biggest disappointment in her life among other things. I told her I don’t let anyone talk to me that way (I don’t). Reminded her that I was her mother and she should show me respect even if she didn’t love me. Told her I didn’t want to hear from her unless she was calling to apologize. All this over politics. Something I never discuss with my family. She knows how I am. Sadly I can be very unforgiving. I might add that she is my youngest and we have always been close. She called me one day and said I miss my mom. That was all it took. We are back loving each other.

  3. I understand. I too have dealt with this. The heartbreaking pain is hard to describe. Mental illness is often a component and I found that you can’t help or try to understand until the person recognizes the problem. This too is heartbreaking, not at all what I envision for my life. It is what it is. Hang in there, you mean a lot to many people.

    1. Thank you, M. I agree with your thinking. And, thank you for your kind words! I am hanging in!!! Warmly, Honey

  4. As I’m reading I hear Silver Springs, Time cast a spell on you but you won’t forget me
    I know I could’ve loved you but you would not let me
    I’ll follow you down ’til the sound of my voice will haunt you
    Give me just a chance, you’ll never get away from the sound of the woman “mother” that loves you…

  5. Hi Honey,

    Thank you so much for this heartfelt article. My eldest son and I were estranged for a few years, and it was one of the hardest things my husband and I have ever been through. The birth of his sons brought reconciliation gradually, because his wife encouraged it. Big hugs to you, Honey. I pray this will be resolved one day for you.

    Diana

    1. I am happy for you, Diana. Thank goodness for good daughters in law. I have one of those ‘good ones,’ too. Thank you for writing to me. Warmly, Honey

  6. Dear Honey,
    Thank you for your transparency in sharing this topic with us, your readers. I look forward to reading the materials you are sharing in your blog. Please continue to write about this subject. It is too painful for me to share with others at this time, but it is so very real to me! I didn’t realize there were others who are experiencing the same thing that I am!

    1. The situation is epidemic especially in the last decade. I am glad I opened a door for you. You will read and learn. I am sorry you are experiencing the same pain I am experiencing. There are no words. Thank you for writing to me. Warmly, Honey

  7. Oh my. I have an ES for 4 years now. It has been to single most difficult thing I have ever gone through. It is a very long and very complicated story but even though all the details are different for each of us, the ultimate outcome is the same, estrangement.
    The one thing you did not mention in your processes was forgiveness. I have to forgive him. I won’t ever forget and I will still get angry and sad but I can’t get through this without forgiving him

    1. You are right. I did not mention, forgiveness. It was not done on purpose. I suppose I did not mention it because I do not feel it. But, if my daughter were to return, I would allow the past to be the past. How would I feel in the depth of my being? I don’t know. Do I think she will return? I have no answer, but I have a thought…no. Thank you for writing to me, Carolynn. Warmly, Honey

  8. As I read this it brings my grief and reality back front and center. My oldest son has decided that I am not worth his time. Thank goodness his ex wife, a wonderful woman, has kept in our life with my grandchildren. I am so thankful for her, but I miss my son horribly.

    1. I have a feeling your son will come back. He knows of his ex-wife’s actions and is not trying to stop her. He knows you are with his children. Be patient. Enjoy the fact that you have a wonderful ex- daughter in law and your grandchildren in your life. That is a blessing. Warmly, Honey

  9. You are only as happy as your least happy child. My mother told me this when I was young, I didn’t understand it until I had children. I wish the best for you and your daughter.

    1. Thank you very much for wishing me the best, Carole. I know the expression well and it is true. Warmly, Honey

  10. Honey, thank you so very, very much. My story is probably much akin to a lot of others. Two years ago my brother died and left a rather large estate. My daughter, my only child except for my two wonderful step sons, had the impression she was to be the sole beneficiary and it turned out that she was except for several very substantial IRA’s on which I was named beneficiary. She never forgiven me for inheriting the major portion of the estate. The night she came to tell me she was sole beneficiary she didn’t know about the IRAs. She brought her son and husband with her. The conversation became heated on her part. She got so out of control she physically attacked me. Although her home is on my property I never see her nor does she call to check on us. I am 88. I might hear from my grandson by phone every few months. He is my only grandchild. He and his wife have two daughters, my great grands, ages 12 and 13. My husband and I adore them but now never get to see them, My heart is broken and I still get teary and occasionally rant and rave to myself and to my wonderful husband. My only means of maintaining my health and sanity has been to turn it over to God without trying to tell Him what to do. God has messaged me to just leave it alone and that is what I have done. I guess that means I have ACCEPTED it. My heart still hurts 💔 but life goes on and I am happy and joyful most of the time. I miss those two precious little girls more than I miss their grandmother, my daughter. Thank you so very much for this post. I needed it! I will take advantage of the article and things you suggested. With much love to you, another broken-hearted mother, I am grateful for your very wise words and for sharing your heartbreak with us. Much love 💕👩🏻💕

    1. Dear LuAnn, Like you I am mentally and physically exhausted from this situation. Like you I am happy and joyful most of the time. I will never understand how any adult child can live with themselves when they deprive their children of a grandmother and great grandmother. That in my mind is the epitome of cruelty. Our grands need us. We need out grands. If an adult child wants to leave the nest, that is his or her choice to make. In my mind, it is a cruel choice on their part to take our grandchildren with them. I know your grandchildren love you. One day, they hopefully will return. I know they love you. How can they not! Sending love to you…Honey

  11. I am so sorry that you too know such deep sorrow. Most of the time I am in a state of acceptance and am able to feel joy and happiness, thanks to meditation and practicing Qigong. Sometimes I slip and go down the worm hole but at least I can climb out!!
    Thank you for sharing your pain and your recovery. You are so genuine.❤

    1. Thank you for writing to me. And, thank you for the compliment. The pain and sadness will never vanish for me; I do try and accept but that is really impossible too. But, I do live a productive life and I share have many many happy and loving times with others. I do my best. And, you must too. We have no other choice. Warmly, Honey

  12. What perfect timing is your article. I’m the companion of a dear man who loss his wife to Alzheimer’s. We met before her death. We became good friends and, after her death, through a strange turn of events beyond our control, I ended up moving in with him. To this day, neither one of us can explain how our relationship came about. We just knew it was right and have remained happy (2.5 years). However, his adult kids hate it because the bipolar daughter creates regular drama, most recently involving the other two. Frankly, they behave as though their dad is supposed to follow their mom in death and they can collect. He is fed up with them telling him how he is supposed to live and I wish I knew how to bring them all together before he feels force to distance himself. They don’t seem to understand, let alone accept, that their dad deserves a future and deserves a life outside them. Until your article, I had no idea that the problem might take much longer, if ever, to resolve. Patience is needed.

    1. Remember: every child no matter their age sees themselves as children. Yes, they are being selfish and one has emotional problems. I think their dad should sit down with them and acknowledge their feelings ( which are real because it is hard for kids at any age to see their mom or dad happy with another partner.) and tell them also, that living with you will never change the love he feels for their mom. On your part, just be their friend. Warmly, Honey

  13. Thank you for sharing your heartache.and how you have lived through it.
    A few years ago my oldest son of 4 children asked me to see a counselor with him regarding something I had done 10 years prior. I agreed, even though my husband (and his dad) was against me doing this without his presence. I had no idea what I had done. After a few months, I asked if he was waiting for me to make the appointment and he said no, that he had just been very busy. We are several years down the road with no appointment. He acts like nothing ever happened. Still stops by, we are invited to the birthday parties (6 children so lots of parties 😉) and seemingly everything is fine. But a part of me wants to know so I can try to make it right. I accept the fact that I wasn’t a perfect mom, but did the best I could. I don’t want him to continue to carry whatever it is, but I’m afraid to bring it up since he hasn’t.
    I can only imagine what you have experienced the past 5 years. I’m so sorry for your loss – and hers and her family’s.

    1. Personally, I think I would leave well enough alone at this time. It is the past and all is well within your family. It is normal for every child, no matter their age, to remember something their mom or dad did wrong.I am sure your mom made her mistakes, like my mom made hers (in our minds.) If you do not sense a strain on his part, enjoy him and your family. Hope I helped. Thank you also for your kind message to me. Warmly, Honey

  14. I too have been through this scenario more than once. My oldest didn’t see us for four years, his wife wanted him all to herself and her family. When my mother became very ill I just marched up his driveway and let him know that he could continue this nonsense with me but that he couldn’t let his grandmother die with them being estranged.
    They dropped what they were doing and went to see her. After that he just resumed our relationship as if nothing ha d ever happened. My mother lived another 9 months during which time my daughter in law found herself pregnant. She went into labor the day of my mother’s funeral.
    There have been other times with my other son as well. Three years ago my husband and I celebrated the holidays just the two of us because neither of our sons were speaking to us. As we speak, my youngest son is in the hospital waiting for a surgeon, he fell off his roof yesterday morning while he and his father were trying to put on a new roof.
    We see my oldest frequently though he is living in Florida. His wife comes to Boston for a clinical trial since she was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in January.
    We never know how God will set things to write. I never pray asking for anything specific anymore. I put it in His hands and trust God that all will be well.
    If your daughter didn’t love you she wouldn’t have such a strong reaction to whatever sparked this estrangement. She wouldn’t care enough to try and hurt you. It’s true that we often hurt the ones we love. Through all that’s happened in my family I know that both boys love me and my husband but at times they are selfish and think only if their own happiness. One day this separation will end as long as you are open to forgiveness on her terms.

    1. I am happy for you that your estrangement appears less than in the past.And, I admire your strength to set things straight on the day you marched up his driveway. I feel I should have done what you did. I should have done my marching, especially when it came to my grandchildren. I just did not nor do I now have the emotional strength. Believe me I wanted to march. I am a very forgiving person. Time will tell. Enjoy your family. Warmly, Honey

  15. Dear Honey, Our stories are so much alike, but not just one daughter, it was all 3. It’s been 11 years for me. I remember writing you about it, it was so long, but I asked that you get it. I didn’t hear from you. My husband had changed jobs from being a full-time father to working offshore. I also started college again to complete my RN degree. I had two years of clinical work left, but had completed my academics. I was working full-time, had to raise my children almost alone as sometimes he didn’t come home but once a month as he was sent to various states for training on his week off.It was a daunting task. He became distant. He told me he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t know how he felt about his 3 daughters. We remained married, but it began to deteriorate. I am sure my children felt the changes. I completed my RN degree. A year later we divorced. I remarried and moved with my 3 children to a city 75 miles away. Time went by with graduations, 2 marriages, 3 grandchildren. I was at my 3rd daughter’s son’s 2nd birthday party and found my middle daughter had in vitro fertilization and was due in 2 weeks ~ she had told everyone not to tell me. I was so hurt. She didn’t tell me why. She lived alone and went to her father’s home to recover. He had also remarried. I was not called and didn’t want me to see her or newborn son. My 3rd daughter was also pregnant again. I was not called when she went into labor and told not to go to the hospital. No one would tell me why. When I called my oldest daughter who had 2 children that I adored and asked my daughter to let me know what a date and time I could take my granddaughter to see The Nut Cracker, she told me she had many activities to attend and wouldn’t be able to go. I was being expunged from my chidren and my grandchildren’s lives. I still don’t know why and I also grieved for 5 years. I cried, went to therapy where I was told this was a growing epidemic everywhere. To this day it has been over 9 years. I am still blocked in every way possible. At the five year mark, I also sent each of them a letter and a book called How Not to Hate Your Parents written to emphasize the Christian life and Honor Your Mother and Father. I still cannot talk or think of them without crying out to Almighty God and weeping. You are fortunate to have Shelly for support. I have no one. I still pray that one day we will reconcile. I love all of them and pray God will open their hearts. I also had to move on for my mental health. It still hurts my heart.

    1. There are no words… I do recall your letter to me and I thought I answered it. I do apologize. Sometimes these computers have their own mind, maybe I forgot to click and send; I don’t know. I don’t know how you bear this estrangement. I don’t know what to tell you to do because I am sure you have tried everything. And, though it is easy to write to ‘accept’ what you don’t have in your power to change, it is impossible. I do hope that you have a nice and interesting life other wise. I did send links with my story that might shed some light on what to do. Maybe search for a group of moms in our situation and join on line or in your community. Please join my private FaceBook Group, GRANDwomen with Moxie…where loneliness disappears. There is a lot of engagement between the women. And, do keep in touch with me. I end this note to you as only I can…there are no words and God Bless you. Warmly, Honey

  16. Honey, this post is wonderful, and healing to so many of us.
    I was ‘bleeding’ over the loss of a sibling for so many years, she is 12 years younger than me. Just us two in the family.
    My husband and I have been blessed enough to be able to travel the world with his occupation, and we always shared our trips with her.
    We don’t have kids, so she became, if you like, the child we never had. She was always included in all we did, and it didn’t feel ‘good’ if we didn’t share all with her. My own mother admitted I ‘raised her’ as a child, being 12 years older than her, she was always with me. Up til today, my childhood friends still remember me with P. attached somewhere on my anatomy! It’s true, we were so linked.
    Well, my mother got sick in 2006, she had a stroke, and everything changed. My sister took advantage of her state to clean out bank accounts etc, and detach from us, quite brutally too. She resented the fact that my mother was my first priority in her plight, and I had to protect her.
    She saw that as a betrayal. So, long story short, my mother passed in 2014, and I haven’t even ‘spoken’ to my sister since 2012.
    I have made many attempts to reconcile, gifts, little notes filled with my feelings, etc etc, all to no avail.
    The last email I sent her back in 2019 at Christmas, came with an abrupt answer “please stop hounding me!” I guess that was the final straw, I finally saw the light of day. I also came to the realization, some time ago, that she was so far better off without me in her life, she has found her own path, and by what I hear is happy, successful and well.
    I went through all the ‘stages’ that you mention, and I too have finally reached “acceptance’ It was so exhausting, a constant drain on me, and as I said my ‘bleeding’ consisted of me constantly talking to my husband about her (and to all who would listen!) howling literally at the wind! What a relief to be over it.
    It’s a very hard life-lesson, I raged about it for so many years. I will always be her big sister, and as a psychiatrist told me a mother figure too, as I was. We are complicated, and it’s a very painful journey. Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us.
    Bx

    1. I always wished for a sister. My mom and her sister were so close. I will never understand how an adult child or sibling can permanently cut off a mom or a sister. I think they are uncomfortable having us involved in their lives and their are several different reasons for this type of action. Instead of meeting to try and work things out in some form, they jump ship and reconcile in their minds that it is right for them. And, it may be but I don’t believe this form of actions gives them ultimate peace. I am glad you have reached a form of acceptance. God Bless. Warmly, Honey

  17. As a ‘child-adult’ who has chosen to cut off my mother, I think what you have written here is incredibly one-sided. There isn’t a single sentence in your entire piece which even questions YOUR actions or behaviour which caused your daughter to cut you off. The fact that you wrote ‘Honestly, I can’t understand what goes on in an adult child’s mind to completely end a relationship with a parent(s)’ just proves your one-sidedness and inability to take any responsibility or even TRY to consider your part which brought your daughter to this decision. In addition, this shows to complete lack of empathy for your daughter perspective. My mother is not an alcoholic, or a drug addict or any of the other reasons you have deemed worthy of estrangement. She simply always put herself first, had a severe lack of empathy and a narrow-minded perspective of always being ‘right’, whether she was or not. It is unfair to simply push all responsibility onto your daughter for making the decision to protect herself and her children from what she considered unhealthy from yours and her relationship. Maybe you should consider how she would have written this blog given the opportunity from her perspective, instead of blindly playing the victim and not even questioning what brought your daughter to this decision.

    1. It astounds me that you would ‘totally’ cut your mother out of your life because in your mind she lacks empathy, puts herself first, and has a narrow minded perspective of always being right. Quite frankly, dear ‘child adult’s that you are also describing yourself. My loving advice to you is to call your mother. Warmly, Honey

  18. I agree Honey. That’s what the psychiatrist said (I had to consult one due to the distress of the entire situation, and the anxiety it provoked)
    The ‘estrangers’ feel they are living in our shadow somehow. I think my sister, when she was younger loved us so much, and appreciated always being with my husband and myself on our various life adventures, but as time progressed she felt resentful instead.
    It’s a very hard and sad thing to realize, that as much as you do for someone, and love them in every way, it can eventually back fire.
    I am not an ‘estranger’ at all, to a fault actually, I will stick with certain situations even when the writing is on the wall to pull away.
    Now, at least, I have reached a certain peace about it. (I got help from an online group too that dealt with ‘estrangement’)
    Just breifly, I had contacted her in 2019 for a reason. We were in London and two days before we were set to return to Florida, we saw a Henry Moore expo at the Tate Gallery, in which was included a black and white documentary that actually featured my Dad as a young man.
    My father had a bronze artistic foundry in London, back in the day, and worked a lot for the sculptor Henry Moore. It was the most serendipitous surprise to see my father as a young man, back in the 50’s, just a month before I was born, it was quite amazing.
    I wrote to her and told her, as I said before there are just us two in the family, who else could appreciate it as much as we both would.
    I don’t believe she actually went to see it even, just to ‘get back’ at me still. At least after that final abrupt email I never heard another word.
    So, after that I really gave up. I like to think that Dad helped me too. She was probably resentful that I had seen it first, and she didn’t!
    What more can be said..
    Thank you again for the subject topic, estrangement with loved ones, is a long painful road.
    B x

    PS I love the Lalique Apple in the pic too.. 🙂

    1. I love the lalique too. Looking at it brings me daily joy. I think your dad did help you because that is how I think! Warmly, Honey

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