I am a mother, grandmother, and wife who suffers from chronic grief. My life has not been in balance for some time. My beloved Ultimate Concierge is battling vascular dementia, and my adult children have chosen estrangement, carrying my grandchildren with them on this most unpleasant and hurtful journey.

Yet, life still delivers unexpected gifts. Within the past month, one of my daughters returned home. Her presence has lessened my load of grief. The knowledge that she missed me feels like a breath of fresh air. Her homecoming has been restorative in a way words can hardly describe.

Family Estrangement Fuels Chronic Grief

When I was a little girl, my mother nicknamed me “Sarah Heartburn,” a playful twist on the actress Sarah Bernhardt, because I was dramatic. I told stories with wide eyes and exaggerated expressions. She would laugh, hug me, and let me be my true self.

Even as a child, I knew how to magnify life. Now, as a grown woman, I tell you sincerely (without exaggeration) that chronic grief is debilitating, exhausting and overwhelming. It seeps into the body and spirit, demanding strength each day simply to live.

The grief of estrangement robs a mother and grandmother of living a normal life. The chronic grief is relentless and walks beside us in daylight and lays heavy down beside us at night. It can last for years, taking a physical and emotional toll. Some days, I am amazed I am still alive and productive. Chronic grief is like terminal cancer, eating away at one’s ability to live and feel happiness.

A Walk in the Park

I am writing this Sunday Story in the little park across the street from my condo in the sky. Earlier, my pooch America and I went for a short walk. As we passed a row of city bikes for rent, their bright silver spokes caught my eye.

I stopped and stared. In the shine of those spokes, I saw words: principles that have helped me live with grief. Like spokes on a wheel, they hold me steady and keep me moving forward.

Spokes of Survival During Chronic Grief

Peace With Myself

I have found the elixir of harmony by living up to my own beliefs and standards. This peace has taken years to earn. Mistakes were made, problems were solved, and disappointments were endured, but the outcome deeply nourished my soul. My advice to every woman over 50 is to discover your own way of living with grace. When you are at peace with yourself, you can weather any storm.

Simplicity

A simple life does not mean I have lost my razzle-dazzle. It means I have learned to prioritize what matters. I now know that “enough” is often better than “more.”

Focus

We women are easily distracted. While I love “girly endeavors,” I have also chosen to focus on personal goals that bring me satisfaction. I am not interested in the maddening crowd. Instead, I seek to broaden my life through meaningful pursuits that expand who I am. In letting go of trivial distractions, I made space to grow.

Self-Knowledge

Do not become a stranger to yourself, for then you will be a stranger to others. Sincerity begins within. When we are out of touch with ourselves, we cannot form healthy relationships.

Creativity

Be creative. Lose yourself in something new. Creativity is both a centering force for grief. Whether through cooking, gardening, painting, taking a class, or traveling: give yourself permission to create.

Cherished Relationships

Never disregard pure relationships by letting trivialities crowd them out. Pure and unselfish love is a rare gift. My Ultimate Concierge, though unable to communicate as he once did, remains my constant. Time with him, like holding hands in quiet solitude, feeds my soul. After years of mutual love and respect, words are no longer necessary. A touch, a smile, is enough to ease the pain of chronic grief. Nurture and grow the relationships that remain steadfast.

Personal Satisfaction

Always strive for what truly satisfies you. For me, simplicity fosters balance and inner growth. That growth creates a spiritual and intellectual life, which is the highest form of self-care.

Solitude

Finally, solitude: the backbone of personal growth. Every woman should carve out time alone, daily if possible, weekly at the very least. In solitude, you rediscover the essence of who you are at each passage of life. It is where clarity comes, where relationships and obligations are refocused, and where chronic grief loosens its grip.

Living Into Grace

Chronic grief may be a lifelong companion, but it does not have to define us. By embracing peace, simplicity, focus, creativity, cherished relationships, satisfaction, and solitude, we learn to live not as victims but as women of grace.

We cannot always change our circumstances. Estrangement and illness may remain part of our lives. But we can shape our response. We can choose how we rise, how we love, and how we honor the women we are becoming.

My Advice to You, Darling

If you too suffer from chronic grief, whether from estrangement, loss, or life’s unrelenting trials, I urge you to build your own wheel of silver spokes. Let each bicycle spoke carry a word that steadies you. Peace. Simplicity. Focus. Creativity. Relationships. Satisfaction. Solitude.

Spin that wheel whenever despair tries to stop you. Keep moving forward, even if slowly. Above all, be gentle with yourself. Chronic grief will try to bury you alive, but with grace and intentional living, you can still bloom. Darling, how do you nurture yourself through grief? I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments. If you wish, you may always write me privately at AskMe@HoneyGood.com.

When thoughts of my other estranged daughter and grandchildren arise, I gently pivot my mind toward something that brings me hope, joy, or peace: the quiet place where healing begins. Amen.