Once again, I find myself sitting on my pretty green ladder, surrounded by the accessories of a life I once lived. I am not sad today. I am contemplative. Shoes, handbags, scarves, jewelry, and my eyeglasses. Oh, my eyeglasses! I have collected and saved my glasses for more than thirty years. They come in different prescriptions, colors, shapes, and styles, and each pair seems to hold a memory. Looking at them now, I realize they have been far more than accessories. They represent the many windows through which I have viewed my world.

As I stare down at them, I recognize that the prescription for my life has changed. My world is smaller today, and many of my physical accessories sit quietly, waiting for another chapter. Yet over the past three years of my Florence Nightingale journey, I have been collecting an entirely different kind of accessory. I have added new frames to my life. And, Darling, some of them have surprised me.

The New Accessories in My Life

In the evenings, when the apartment in the sky becomes quiet, I often watch documentaries and biographies. They offer me an escape from sadness and loneliness, but they also feed something inside me that has always been there: curiosity.

I particularly enjoyed learning more about Einstein, Levi Strauss, Hemingway, Picasso, Queen Elizabeth, and Queen Victoria. I have watched series on Viking and English history. Some documentaries I devoured include Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones, My Octopus Teacher, and The Dragon’s Prophecy, which explores biblical prophecy. I have also spent time watching The Story of the Jews.

I am fascinated by people, history, ideas, courage, mistakes, survival, reinvention, and why people become who they become. I suppose I have always been curious. These days, however, I have more time to sit with that curiosity.

Each Sunday morning, I read, research, think, and send out my Sunday Story to you. I play mahjong online to sharpen my skills. I am exploring the possibility of obtaining dual citizenship in Israel. I have helped people I care about solve serious problems. When one of my ideas makes a difference in another person’s life, I experience a kind of satisfaction that no shopping spree could ever replicate. And you know I love a good shopping spree!

Yes, Darling, my accessories have changed. Knowledge has replaced some of my adornments. Curiosity has become my companion. Helping others has become a source of joy. I have come to understand that some of the best accessories take up no physical space at all.

• Knowledge
• Experience
• Generosity
• Courage
• Love
• Curiosity

These are accessories a woman can wear every day, and they never go out of style.

The Women Who Have Passed Through My Frames

I have also refined my thoughts on friendship. My closest friends are still doers. That has always mattered to me. Two are in real estate. One collects major works of photography. Another writes and directs plays. One is my pen pal from grade school, whose Christian faith differs from my Jewish faith, yet somehow that difference has deepened our connection. There is a feeling between us that says, “We are survivors,” and with that comes peace.

And last, but certainly not least, is my friend Sheila, a woman of substance. As I look through my collection of glasses, sitting on my pretty green ladder, I find myself thinking about the women who have passed through the different frames of my life. Some stayed. Some moved on. Some relationships changed. And some taught me lessons I did not realize I needed to learn.

That is the thing about getting older. You become a better observer. At least I have. My glasses may help me see across a room, but life experience has helped me see people more clearly.

 

Seeing Friendship Clearly

Regarding women and friendship, I have learned that a clique can offer comfort, cover, and joy. There is something wonderful about belonging to a circle of women who genuinely care about one another. But sometimes it takes real grit to stand alone. I have learned to recognize and appreciate the difference.

Last week, I walked into a venue to meet my family for dinner. As I approached the dining room, I passed a group of eight women I have known for years. I felt their eyes on me. For a moment, I became uncomfortable. I kept a little distance but stopped to say hello. The reception was not particularly warm, and I certainly was not going to stand there hoping for an invitation. So I smiled, exchanged a few words, and continued into the dining room to join my family.

Later, the women entered and passed my table. And then something interesting happened. Three stopped briefly to offer kind comments. A fourth came over later and sat with me for a conversation. A fifth called me the following day. I thought about that. What does that tell you about women? It reminded me that a table of women is not necessarily one block of opinion. Groups have dynamics.

Women can behave very differently in a group than they do one-on-one. A woman who is warm, thoughtful, and engaging alone can become strangely quiet when she is sitting inside a clique. Perhaps she is following the mood of the group. Perhaps she is uncomfortable herself. Perhaps she simply does not know what to do. I no longer feel the need to figure it all out. That, too, is growth.

Don’t Audition for Belonging

The lesson I took away was simple: don’t audition for belonging. When you walk into a room and someone does not make room for you, do not immediately assume something is wrong with you. And do not allow the coldness of a few women to blind you to the warmth of others. The people who genuinely want you in their lives usually find a way to let you know with a…

• Phone call
• Chair pulled closer
• Thoughtful invitation
• Text
• Warm hello across a crowded room

I learned long ago that I do not need every table to have a seat for me. I only need to know my own worth well enough not to stand beside someone else’s table waiting to be invited. That is what my glasses have been teaching me. My prescription changes. My frames change. My view changes. But the woman looking through them is still me.

I have always chosen frames that flatter my face, just as I try to choose women who bring something marvelous into my life. If a table does not make room for me, I do not need to change my prescription or my frame to fit in. I simply put on my glasses, see the room clearly, and keep walking. Amen!

My Prescription Has Changed

Now, as I sit here reflecting on all my glasses, I realize they really do tell the story of my life. Some belonged to the woman who traveled the world with her Ultimate Concierge. Some saw glamorous dinners, fascinating people, beautiful countries, family celebrations, and adventures I will never forget. Others belong to the woman I am today. The caregiver. The thinker. The observer. The woman whose world has become physically smaller but whose inner world, in some ways, has become much larger.

The woman I was before caregiving is not gone. She is still here, along with everything she loved. She has simply acquired a new prescription! And maybe that is what happens to all of us as the years pass. Life changes the prescription through which we see the world. What once seemed terribly important may suddenly seem trivial. What we once overlooked can become precious.

We begin to understand the value of time, become more selective about relationships, stop chasing people. treasure meaningful conversations, understand the value of giving rather than simply receiving and begin to see ourselves more clearly, too.

One Day, I Will Climb Off My Ladder

My handbags are waiting. My jewelry is waiting. My clothes are waiting. My shoes are waiting. They have not disappeared simply because this chapter of my life looks different. And neither have I. One day, I will have no choice but to climb off my beautiful little green ladder, put on one of my favorite pairs of glasses, pick up a beautiful handbag, and walk back into the world.

I do not know exactly what that world will look like. That is one thing caregiving has taught me. We do not always get to write the timetable. But fortunately, when I do walk back out into the world, I will be wearing far more than beautiful accessories. I will carry everything I learned while I was away. I will carry greater knowledge, curiosity, courage and a deeper appreciation for meaningful friendships. I will carry the satisfaction that comes from helping another person, the wisdom to know when a table is not meant for me and the confidence to keep walking when it isn’t.

Beautiful things will always enhance my outer appearance. Darling, I still love my handbags, my jewelry, my glasses, and my shoes! But knowledge, curiosity, courage, love, and the joy of giving back enrich a woman’s inner style. Those are the accessories I intend to wear forever. And unlike the glasses sitting beside me on my green ladder, they will never need a new prescription.

Have you found that your own “prescription” on life has changed with age or circumstance? What new accessories, tangible or otherwise, have you added to your life? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.