Every day, I walk into my closet. I scan the small room that holds so many of my treasures: clothing, handbags, shoes, scarves, jewelry, and the accessories I have collected over decades of living a very full life. And then I do almost the same thing every day. I grab a pair of sweats, a T-shirt, comfortable shoes, and walk out. After all, where am I going? These days, I am Florence Nightingale, caring for my Ultimate Concierge. But today was different…

Instead of reaching for my usual uniform and moving on with my day, I sat down on the pretty green ladder I use to reach the upper shelves of my closet. America settled nearby, and I looked around. Suddenly, I had the strangest feeling. I was sitting inside a time capsule. My lucite hangers, all matching, held different versions of me: the woman who bought each garment, the woman who wore it, the woman who walked confidently into a room wearing it, and the woman who packed it into a suitcase for an adventure with my Ultimate Concierge.

Now those clothes wait quietly because my life has quietly changed. I looked at dresses that once danced through celebrations, shoes that walked through cities around the world, and handbags that accompanied me to lunches, dinners, meetings, openings, parties, and wonderful evenings with friends. Beautiful jackets lined up shoulder to shoulder, scarves remained folded, and jewelry rested in its place. Everything looked pristine, almost museum-like: untouched, well cared for, waiting. Most of these lovely things have not seen the light of day in so long that I almost feel guilty ignoring them. Of course, I have had a good excuse. Life happened.

My Closet Holds the Woman I Used to Be

For the past three years, my world has become smaller. Becoming my husband’s caregiver has changed far more than my daily schedule; it has changed my priorities, my energy, my perspective, and the way I see myself. Caregiving has strengthened me, but it has also altered me.

So, sitting on my little green ladder with America beside me, surrounded by the physical evidence of another chapter of my life, I realized I was having a silent conversation with two women: the woman I used to be and the woman I have become. “Where does one begin?” I asked myself. Not with the dresses, not with the shoes, and not even with the handbags.

Because as I sat there looking at all my beautiful things, I realized something that made me smile. The woman who once climbed that ladder to reach an accessory has reached higher heights in other ways. She has been tested. She has endured. She has loved through illness. She has learned what truly matters. And perhaps the most important accessories she owns today cannot be hung on a lucite hanger.

A Little Fun First

Before I become too serious, Darling, let’s have a little fun. I have heard so many women stand in front of a closet packed with clothes and announce, “I have nothing to wear!” I don’t believe you. I think most of us have plenty to wear. Sometimes we simply need to see what we already own with fresh eyes.

Take the black dress hanging in your closet. During the day, wear it simply: ladylike, elegant. Then, in the evening, give it a little sparkle! Add a beautiful necklace, change your earrings, trade your daytime shoes for a fabulous pair of heels, carry a beautiful handbag, wrap a colorful scarf around your neck, or pull out that wonderful brooch you haven’t worn in five years and pin it to a jacket.

Accessories have personality. They have the ability to take something familiar and make it feel fresh again. A beautiful watch can announce, without saying a word, that a woman has arrived on time. A scarf can brighten your complexion and your mood. A fabulous handbag can make you stand a little taller. There is something wonderfully liberating about accessories because they do not demand that we reinvent an entire wardrobe. One small addition can create a surprisingly large change. And sitting in my closet, I realized that perhaps life works the same way.

The Accessories We Add to Our Lives

Accessories are possibilities. They change the way a woman sees an outfit, but they can also change the way she sees herself. And not every accessory is something we can touch. Some are experiences, some are friendships, some are dreams, some are new interests, some are decisions, some are acts of courage, and some are simply permission to imagine that another chapter is still waiting for us.

I sat on my ladder and said out loud that I don’t intend to return to my old wardrobe exactly as I left it because I have changed too much. And I meant more than clothing. I am not interested in returning to exactly the woman I was three years ago. How could I? Life has asked too much of me. I am not going to discard the woman I was. I like her. I am proud of her. I want the woman I once was to join forces with the woman I have become.

That is the thought I hope every woman reading this will tuck away. Darling, do not throw away your past simply because life has changed. Build on it. Add to it. Use it. Your experiences are part of your wardrobe of life, and some of your most beautiful accessories may still be waiting to be discovered.

 

Loss Has Been a Part of My Daily Accessories

Over the past three years, I have learned more about loss than I ever wanted to know. Loss has become a daily accessory I certainly did not choose. Vascular dementia is slowly taking pieces of the love of my life, my Ultimate Concierge. That loss is difficult to put into words because he is here, and yet so much has changed.

Caregiving has narrowed our world. The dinners, the constant travel, the social life, and the spontaneity that once filled our calendar have largely disappeared. There are days when I miss our old life terribly, and there are moments when I look at something in my closet and remember exactly where I wore it with him… The hotel, the restaurant, the country, the laughter, and the way he looked at me.

Memory can be both a comfort and an ache. But loss has done something else to me. It has stripped away trivia. There are conversations that once might have occupied my mind that no longer have the power to hold my attention. I float above meaningless chatter because life is too precious, time is too precious, and love is too precious. I think of the lioness I once watched in Tanzania. She did not need to announce her strength; she simply possessed it. That is the woman I understand today. I have become more of a thinker who does. I listen, I observe, and I choose carefully where I place my energy.

What Do I Want to Add to My Life Now?

As I sat daydreaming in my closet, another question came to me: what accessories do I want to add to my life now? Not jewelry. Not scarves. Not handbags. What do I want to add to my lifestyle?

For a long while, I thought my wanderlust had gone quiet. Travel was one of the great joys my Ultimate Concierge and I shared. We were explorers together. We traveled across continents, wandered through cities, learned from other cultures, and collected memories far more valuable than anything I could place on a shelf.

When his illness changed our lives, that part of me became quiet. But lately, I have noticed a little stirring. The traveler in me is still there. She has not disappeared. Her compass has simply changed direction.

Israel Is Calling to My Heart

More and more, my thoughts turn toward Israel. The promised land has always held deep meaning for me, but today I feel a stronger desire to understand it beyond headlines, history books, and conversations from afar. I want to see it again with older, wiser eyes. I want to walk its streets, learn more deeply about its history, and understand the people, traditions, contradictions, beauty, and resilience of a place that occupies such an important space in Jewish history and in my own thoughts.

My connection is also personal. I have an Israeli son-in-law, and one of my grandsons is married to an Israeli woman whose parents live in Jerusalem and Safed. Through years of travel with my Ultimate Concierge, I also developed friendships with people who call Israel home.

In recent years, I’be been thinking deeply about my Jewish identity, my heritage, and what it means to feel rooted somewhere. History has taught Jewish people never to take safety or belonging for granted, and that awareness lives somewhere inside me. I sometimes find myself wondering whether I might explore dual citizenship one day, not from panic, but from curiosity and a desire to understand another part of my heritage more completely. I do not know where this thought will lead, but I know myself well enough to recognize when a new idea begins tapping me on the shoulder. And Israel has been tapping.

Perhaps that is my wanderlust waking up in a new form. It’s not a desire simply to travel somewhere beautiful, but a desire to go somewhere meaningful.

A New Kind of Accessory

Perhaps Israel will become one of the new accessories in my life. Not something I wear, but something I experience, something I learn from, a new chapter, a new connection, and a new piece of myself. I have changed too much to simply return to my old life and pretend nothing happened, and I don’t want to. The woman sitting on that green ladder has traveled through a passage the woman who bought those dresses could never have imagined.

I have become a caregiver. I have learned about loss. I have learned about endurance. I have learned that self care sometimes means protecting your energy and sometimes means giving yourself permission to dream again.

That last one is important. A caregiver can become so consumed with the needs of the person she loves that she forgets there is still a woman inside her with curiosities, desires, and dreams of her own. I do not want to forget her.

My Museum Closet Is Not a Mausoleum

I looked around my closet one more time. My dresses are still beautiful, my shoes still have stories to tell, my handbags remain lined up patiently, and my accessories still sparkle. But I no longer see the room as a museum of a life that disappeared. I see it differently now. It is an archive, a collection of chapters, evidence that I lived, I loved, I traveled, I celebrated, and I showed up.

Maybe some of those dresses will dance again, some of those shoes will walk somewhere new or maybe some of those handbags will make their way out of the closet and onto my arm. Perhaps they will even travel with me. My closet does not represent a woman whose life is over. It represents a woman whose life has changed. There is a tremendous difference.

Do Not Be Afraid to Add Something New

Every woman eventually finds herself sitting metaphorically on her own green ladder. You look around at what was, you look at who you were, and you ask: who am I now?

The answer does not require you to abandon your history. Bring her with you. The woman you were helped create the woman you are. But give yourself permission to add something new like a friendship, a class, a trip, a project, a purpose, a dream, a beautiful scarf, or perhaps an entirely unexpected destination.

Accessories make an outfit interesting. New experiences make a life interesting. And at this stage of my life, Darling, I am interested in both. I may be Florence Nightingale most days, and I may still reach for my sweats and T-shirt tomorrow morning, but somewhere inside this caregiver is still the woman who loves beauty, curiosity, travel, learning, and adventure. She is changing. She is growing. And she is still dreaming. That may be the most valuable accessory I own.

Have the accessories in your life changed as you have grown older? What new dream, experience, or possibility would you like to add to this chapter of your life? I would love for you to share your thoughts with our community in the comments below.