After the age of 50, many women struggle with feeling invisible, lonely, and unsure of how to spend the best years of our lives. My advice? Pay attention to your feelings.

The word attention refers to the act of dealing with something or someone. It’s pivotal to our well-being. When we choose to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and gently release the negative ones, we begin to step into our true power. Darling, you have the ability to control your thoughts by shifting your attention. But the question is… do you?

My Moment on the Serengeti

For me, the answer came unexpectedly… in a Land Rover while riding across the Serengeti in Tanzania, Africa. It was one of those picture-perfect days. My Ultimate Concierge and I were exploring the plains with three of our grandsons. I felt the wind softly blowing through my hair, the silence of the day wrapping around me like a silk scarf, and the beauty of the wild landscape enveloping my soul. I felt joy.

Then, suddenly, my thoughts shifted. I found myself wishing my estranged grandchildren were with us. The pain of loss cut deep, but almost just as quickly, my attention returned to the present moment: to a majestic herd of elephants grazing nearby, to the vivid colors of the sky and grassland. It was then that I had an ah-ha moment! Our attention can make or break our emotional state. We can choose where to focus. That day, I realized I had the wisdom and the responsibility to shift my attention to what brought me peace.

The Power of Choice and Attention

I was elated because I understood, truly and deeply, that I hold the power over my thoughts and so do you. That quiet moment on the Serengeti taught me something profound: we have the power to stop anyone or anything from injuring us with where we choose to place our attention. Ancient wisdom tells us, “You are what you think. All that you are arises with your thoughts.”

When we obsess over problems beyond our control, we suffer needlessly. When we redirect our attention to possibilities, to healing, and to growth… oh, darling, doors begin to open and light streams in.

Letting Go

For years, I allowed my thoughts to orbit the sorrow of my estrangement from my daughters and grandchildren. I paid too much attention to the pain and it weighed me down. Over time though, I learned to lighten that load. I turned my focus toward the beauty around me, the people who love me, and the projects that fulfill me.

I stopped giving away my energy to people who were not present in my life. Instead, I chose to nurture what was in front of me. Slowly, I began to rediscover myself outside of the role of mother and grandmother when I shifted my attention to those who fill my cup. Then, something miraculous happened: I began to heal.

I Am the Captain of My Ship

Now, I understand where to place my attention. What a relief! My days are lighter and my heart is steadier. After years of grief, I feel a gentle breeze at my back. I am no longer adrift… I am the Captain of my ship! My daughters are no longer steering the wheel. I am!

With that ownership comes a newfound sense of freedom and I can chart my own course toward the joy I deserve. I have stopped waiting for others to rescue me or validate me. My compass is guided by purpose, resilience, and self-respect. I may still feel longing, but I no longer feel lost.

So, darling, pay attention to your thoughts. You have 100% control over them. They do not control you. Your thoughts can lift you into joy or plunge you into despair. It all depends on where you shine your light of attention.

Self Care Starts in the Mind

That moment of clarity on the Serengeti? That was an act of self care. I didn’t know it then, but by choosing to redirect my thoughts and attention was prioritizing me and my well-being. These days, I pause and redirect my attention when I feel myself thinking about things I cannot control. It’s become my practice and it has transformed my life.

When we allow our feelings to be compromised by focusing on loss, we compromise our ability to enjoy life. Suffering at the hands of others is optional. No one can strike what they cannot reach.

I put up a sign in my office that says, “I am a gentle woman – do not misjudge my gentle qualities for weakness.” I read it every day and it grounds me. This powerful statement reminds me that I can be soft, yet strong and gentle, yet fierce.

Choose a Thought That Serves You

Your thoughts shape your reality. When you become more aware of the stories you’re telling yourself, and lovingly rewrite them, everything begins to shift. Maybe you need to escape something or question something. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s time to accept something. Listen to your thoughts and shift the negative. Replace it with something beautiful. I am living proof that it works!

At first, it may feel unnatural (even impossible) to redirect your mind when it’s used to replaying sorrow on a loop. But just like training a muscle, the more you practice shifting your attention and focus, the stronger your emotional resilience becomes. Start small: catch one unkind thought and offer yourself grace instead. With time, these small moments of intention gather into a powerful force and you will begin to witness a quiet transformation in how you see your world and yourself.

My Attention Shift Found Peace

That moment on the Serengeti plain? It was three years ago. It’s taken me three years to truly embody what I learned that day: that I have the power to choose my peace by choosing where to focus my attention.

Estrangement from my adult daughters hit me like a tsunami. I was drowning in sorrow and every day felt like gasping for air. Slowly though, I found my breath again. Now, I have accepted what I cannot change. I count my blessings and I have found peace.

So today, I’m gifting you this truth. Don’t wait three years like I did. When you catch yourself slipping into painful thoughts, pause, then gently choose a better one. This simple act works wonders… and no, darling, I didn’t go to a shrink to find this answer. I lived and learned!

I am smiling now. Amen.