The importance of frankness between friends after 50

November 19, 2017 Published by
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Each and every one of us daydream. That is how I write. My palette is a blank page of white paper. I put my fingers on my keyboard and often ask myself, “What can I share today?” The point being that over the past years I have written over one thousand stories and I amaze myself I am able to pull story after story out of my head. I sit in front of my computer and daydream, my brain searching for an interesting topic and wondering what will I muse about today?

I have found if you think very hard about anything you come up with an answer. Today, in the wee hours of the early morning, I suddenly smiled. I had my story…the ability to be a frank woman after 50.

Reconnecting

My ultimate concierge, Orchid and I are now at our home in Rancho Mirage. Unpacked, food in the fridge, pots of orchid plants in all the rooms of our home, phones and Wi Fi working which means, phones are ringing and texts are coming in. One text came from a close girlfriend. We met in college when were 18 years old.

She asked,  “Are you here? Can you walk tomorrow?”

I responded, “I am here. I can walk tomorrow.”

The next morning at 8:30 a.m., we had our rendezvous. It was as though we never said goodbye when we parted six months ago for our permanent homes. The miles could not separate our friendship.

We are opposite, yet alike. She enjoys a private life away from the maddening crowd. I love the quiet of the day and night but also enjoy the roar of the maddening crowd. I live outside the box in 100 different ways; she is comfortable living sequestered in her’s though she is worldly. I wear my heart on my sleeve; she is tempered in who she gives her heart to. I am fortunate she has given her heart to me.

My girlfriend’s frankness cast a spell

Yesterday on our walk, I was taken aback by one of her comments. Several thoughts and feelings flow through my mind; a little bit of shock, a little bit of bewilderment and on the opposite side of the emotional wheel, I was smiling.

First we hugged and laughed and were just two happy girlfriends. Then the conversation began.

HER: “You look wonderful. I was so worried about your surgery and your outcome. I did not know what to expect when I saw you. I was not sure you would be able to walk and look at you, you did not even lose weight through your ordeal.”

ME: “I feel perfectly wonderful. The first time, 10 years ago, I went through cancer surgery I was terrified for over five years. This time, I am too exhausted from the first siege to worry about this siege. It is behind me, I am grateful my surgery was my supposed cure and I am living life to its fullest. I am doing just great. Oh! I love the scarf you sent me. “

We talked and talked about our summer, our children, our group of 10 women over 50 who meet at my home monthly to discuss this passage of our lives, and just the regular chit-chat.

AND THEN SHE MADE HER FRANK STATEMENT.

HER: “I am glad you are OK because I was worried I would not have anyone to walk with.”

Talk about frankness, darlings.

Laughing out loud yet somewhat shocked, I said, “you were more worried about having someone to walk with than my living?” ( I was being very dramatic, darlings.)

HER: “Both. ”

I again started laughing yet again thinking hard because her comment was refreshing and frank.

She had the confidence to be her authentic self. She knew that I knew she cared about me. That gave her the confidence to reveal her true feelings, to take our friendship a step beyond what it was. She exposed her selfish wish. She needed a walking partner. And darlings, that drew me closer to her and to our friendship because:  In order to build a female friendship both participants have to be frank; be their authentic selves.

The importance of frankness

I drove her and her sister’s dog home and then proceeded home for breakfast with my husband.

Sitting over breakfast my ultimate concierge and I discussed my conversation with my girlfriend and ended it with this statement.

 “A close friendship is like a marriage. They work well when you are frank and authentic.  

It may be nice to share this story with your close friends and see where the conversation leads. Your friendship may grow a notch or two like mine did because my girlfriend was authentic.

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6 Comments

  • Regina Doar says:

    Love this, so true, i believe in that 100%, I wish I will have this in my life, I did when in lived in Chicago I was blessed with beautiful friendships. Can I blame it on Florida ‘s weather?

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      Maybe it just needs some time, darling! Remember this friend and I went waaaaay back!

      • Sharon Bostrom says:

        I had a “ lifelong” friendship that has ended on a bitter note.
        I am sad but will not reach out to her because there are too many “ rules” on her part.
        Also my “ life sister “ died of brain cancer this year as well so it’s like two deaths of close friendships/relationships.
        My blessings are many sweet Honey.
        I live a simple life…
        My husband, 2 grown daughters,2 delicious grandsons
        Maitland, Florida is my home town…
        Thank you from my heart to yours for your Beauty of Life’s gifts.

        • Susan "Honey" Good says:

          You have had your losses this year. I feel your sadness. I am happy you know the importance of gratitude and especially happy you have a loving family. I send all my good thoughts your way for a happy New Year. Warmly, Honey

    • Sandy says:

      Regina, I know EXACTLY what you are saying. We moved from Chicago area to Florida also. I am not a golfer or card player, so bookclubs have become my go to, but deep friendships take a long time. Kinda feeling lost. I am in Ft. Myers. Where are you?

  • Bonnie says:

    Honey, I too have a friendship that goes waaaay back….it is a GIFT. Our friendship has spanned over 40 years. We have not always lived in the same state, but have never been out of touch with each other. In the old days it was handwritten letters and cards, today it is emails and texting, but when holidays, birthdays, etc. roll around there is always a handwritten note in that card expressing how much we mean to each other. You are blessed to have that kind of friend too.

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