Is frankness between friends an important quality in a relationship?
Each and every one of us daydream. That is how I write. My palette is a blank page of white paper. I put my fingers on my keyboard and often ask myself, “What can I share today?” The point being that over the past years I have written over one thousand stories and I amaze myself I am able to pull story after story out of my head. I sit in front of my computer and daydream, my brain searching for an interesting topic and wondering what will I muse about today. Writing about my experiences has become a form of self-expression and reflection, helping me process my thoughts and emotions.
And, I have found if you think very hard about anything you come up with an answer. Today, in the wee hours of the early morning, I suddenly smiled. I realized I had my story…the ability to be a frank woman after 50.
Reconnecting
A few years ago, my Ultimate Concierge, my late pooch Orchid and I were at our home in Rancho Mirage. Unpacked, food in the fridge, pots of orchid plants in all the rooms of our home, phones, and Wi-Fi working, which means phones were ringing and texts were coming in. One text came from a close girlfriend. We met in college when were just 18 years old. Looking back, I feel so lucky that we have maintained such a meaningful friendship over the years.
She asked, “Are you here? Can you walk tomorrow?”
I responded, “I am here. I can walk tomorrow.”
The next morning at 8:30 a.m., we had our rendezvous. It was as though we never said goodbye when we parted six months ago for our permanent homes. The miles could not separate our friendship.
We are opposite, yet alike. She enjoys a private life away from the maddening crowd. I love the quiet of the day and night but also enjoy the roar of the maddening crowd. I live outside the box in 100 different ways; she is comfortable living sequestered in her’s though she is worldly. And, I wear my heart on my sleeve; she is tempered in who she gives her heart to. I am fortunate she has given her heart to me.
My Girlfriend’s Frankness Cast a Spell
On our walk, I was taken aback by one of her comments. Several thoughts and feelings flew through my mind; a little bit of shock, a little bit of bewilderment, and on the opposite side of the emotional wheel, I was smiling. The feeling was a mix of surprise, amusement, and appreciation for her honesty.
First, we hugged and laughed and were just two happy girlfriends. Then the conversation began.
She started, “You look wonderful. I was so worried about your surgery and your outcome. Honey, I did not know what to expect when I saw you. I was not sure you would be able to walk and look at you, you did not even lose weight through your ordeal.”
I answered, “I feel perfectly wonderful. The first time, 10 years ago, I went through cancer surgery I was terrified for over five years. This time, I am too exhausted from the first siege to worry about this siege. It is behind me, I am grateful my surgery was my supposed cure and I am living life to its fullest. And, I am doing just great. Oh! I love the scarf you sent me.”
We talked and talked about our summer, our children, our group of 10 women over 50 who met at my home monthly to discuss this passage of our lives, and just the regular chit-chat. In these conversations, it really matters that we truly hear each other’s honest thoughts and feelings, as this is what keeps our friendship authentic and strong.
AND THEN SHE MADE HER FRANK STATEMENT.
She said, “I am glad you are okay because I was worried I would not have anyone to walk with.”
Talk about frankness, darling.
Laughing out loud yet somewhat shocked, I said, “You were more worried about having someone to walk with than my living?” ( I was being very dramatic, darling.)
She said, “Both.”
I again started laughing because her comment was refreshing and frank.
She had the confidence to be her authentic self. She knew that I knew she cared about me. That gave her the confidence to reveal her true feelings, to take our friendship a step beyond what it was. She exposed her selfish wish. She needed a walking partner. And. that drew me closer to her and to our friendship because: In order to build a female friendship both participants have to be frank; be their authentic selves. Honesty is what matters in a meaningful friendship, and it is the foundation that allows good friends and trusted friends to grow even closer. These moments of openness give our relationship real meaning, reminding us why such friendships are so valuable.
The Importance of Frankness in Meaningful Friendships
I drove her and her sister’s dog home and then proceeded home for breakfast with my husband.
Sitting over breakfast my Ultimate Concierge and I discussed my conversation with my girlfriend and ended it with this statement.
“A close friendship is like a marriage. They work well when you are frank and authentic.”
Friendships matter deeply and are valuable, sometimes even more than jobs or material success, because they provide support, joy, and meaning that enrich our lives in ways nothing else can. As we age, the role of family and families becomes intertwined with our friendships, and supporting others’ lives is a key part of meaningful relationships. Honest friendships sustain hope, especially after 50, helping us navigate life’s challenges. It can be difficult to begin new friendships at this age, but the time investment over weeks is worth it for the deep connections that form. Losing a best friend or making a mistake in a friendship can lead to feelings of lost and shame, but these experiences also foster growth and understanding. Every person brings something unique to a friendship, and regular talks and talking are essential for maintaining these bonds. Balancing job and jobs with friendship requires effort, but the rewards are great.
It may be nice to share this story with your close friends and see where the conversation leads. Your friendship may grow a notch or two like mine did because my girlfriend was authentic.
The Role of Body Language in Communication
As we journey through life, especially after 50, we often realize that words are only part of the story when it comes to building meaningful friendships. Research suggests that nonverbal communication—our body language, facial expressions, and gestures—plays a powerful role in how we connect with others. In fact, sometimes what we don’t say speaks louder than any conversation.
Think about your own life: have you ever felt instantly at ease with a new friend simply because of a warm smile or a gentle touch on the arm? Or perhaps you’ve sensed tension with someone, even when their words were polite, just by the way they avoided eye contact or crossed their arms. These subtle cues are the language of our bodies, and they can make all the difference in forming and maintaining adult friendships.
For many adults, making friends in a new city or joining a new social circle can feel daunting. We worry about making mistakes or being misunderstood. But by being mindful of our body language—standing open, making eye contact, and truly listening—we can create common ground and invite others into our lives. This is just as true with old friends as it is with new friendships. High school friends, for example, often know each other’s nonverbal cues so well that a single glance can spark laughter or understanding. But as we meet new people, we have the opportunity to learn and adapt, using positive body language to show we are approachable and interested.
Body language is also essential in romantic relationships and with close friends. A gentle squeeze of the hand, a nod of encouragement, or simply leaning in to listen can communicate care and support in ways words sometimes cannot. On the other hand, if we find ourselves dealing with difficult people or even a terrible friend, being aware of our own nonverbal signals can help us set healthy boundaries and protect our mental health.
It’s important to remember that not all communication is verbal. Sometimes, the most honest conversations happen in silence—through a shared look, a comforting hug, or a reassuring smile. These moments can deepen our relationships and help us feel truly seen and understood.
If you’re hoping to expand your social circle or make new friends, consider joining a club or group that interests you. When you do, use open and friendly body language to break the ice. Invite someone to join you for coffee, or simply offer a genuine smile. And if you ever feel nervous, remember: everyone worries about being accepted. The truth is, we all want to feel connected.
As you reflect on your own friendships, think about the role body language has played in your relationships over the years. Have you noticed how a friend’s posture or expression can change the course of a conversation? Have you ever felt hurt by someone’s cold demeanor, or uplifted by a warm embrace? These are the moments that shape our lives and our happiness.
If you’d like to explore this topic further, be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter, where we share stories, tips, and advice on mental health, relationships, and making friends as an adult. And don’t hesitate to share your own experiences with us—we love hearing your stories and learning from your journey.
In the end, building meaningful friendships is about being honest, open, and true to yourself—both in words and in the silent language of the body. So, take a deep breath, put on your best smile, and step confidently into the world. You never know what wonderful connections await.
Stay tuned for our next section, where we’ll talk about setting boundaries and maintaining a positive, supportive social circle. Until then, keep listening, keep learning, and keep reaching out—you’ve got this!
Do you like or enjoy having frank friendships? Or are you yourself frank? Please share with me in the comments at the bottom of this page.
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Yes I enjoy frankness between friends but there is a difference between frankness and jealousy. I myself had a close friend who I thought was a true friend which in my book means someone who you can confide in and trust without being critizied or faulted for your personal choices but it did not end up that way. We parted ways b/c of a hurtful statement she made to me and many other statements that I let slip by without reacting b/c they were always made while she was under the influence of alcohol. I finally had enough and not feeling that her friendship was honest I said to her when you are sober I love to have conversations with you but when you are under the influence of alcohol I am not interested in having those conversations where you are not able to reason or even be a kind and considerate friend so until then we are no longer going to communicate. It has been 3 months and we have not connected and as much as I miss her sober self I don’t miss the person who she was while intoxicated . You know the old saying don’t try to talk to someone while they are intoxicated it’s wasted breath, well that’s so true so I have pulled away in order to save myself.
it was not easy to do and it is not easy now , and in my opinion you took the right path. Hang in. Warmly, Honey