I am Buzz Buzz Buzzing with advice today. Like a Queen Bee, I have had my share of life experiences and learned many lessons along the road of life. As you know, I enjoy sharing my knowledge. Today I will share my insight on how I handle toxic women. Truth be told, my editor chose this topic for me. I’m glad because I am sure most of you have had an experience with a toxic woman. And don’t discount that you may have shown a toxic side of yourself.
You and I are human and we err. We fall out with other women; we say things, for one reason or another, that we later regret. Moving on, we apologize and try to mend the situation. You may enjoy reading my story, Surprising Thing the Sun Taught Me About Friendship.
March is the month for growth. The days are longer and with sunlight comes hope, joy, and renewal. The women we invite into our lives should bring the same joy and hope. Is there a woman who stresses you to the nines? Take your time to evaluate the relationship before you become judgemental. Before you decide this woman is toxic.
Maybe just maybe, it makes better sense to invest yourself and your time to repair the hurts. Remember you have options. Use them wisely.
Ask me questions. If I can give you sound advice, it will always be my pleasure.
WHAT IS A TOXIC WOMAN?
To understand how to handle toxic women, you must first understand what that means. A toxic woman is anyone whose behavior constantly upsets your life. This woman emotionally exhausts you through intimidation. She uses guilt and bullying tactics to get her way. She is a very defensive woman. Often, she is an envious person and is dealing with her own issues. Unfortunately, she chose to entangle you in her web.
SIGNS TO BEWARE OF
There are different types of toxic women, and each should be handled in different ways. First, there is the leader of a pack and with her pack of several behind her. She becomes empowered. Next, there is the silent and cunning toxic woman who rules others without a word but with her actions. There is the woman who knows she can prey on her weaker sisters. And lastly, a woman may become toxic to another woman because she does not like her.
- Some toxic women hide it well. They masquerade. This type of woman preys on the weaker woman. Some women feel the need to be led, to be told what to do. The toxic woman has no need to outwardly prey on her because that woman is submissive. The toxic woman does not see her as a threat but as a player in her pack. Do you know this type of toxic woman? I do.
- The toxic woman who acts alone…beware. She is dangerous because she is cunning. She knows what she is doing but others don’t. This woman is a fooler. She stings quietly, but her sting is deadly. Do you know this type of cunning toxic woman? I do.
- The toxic woman who’s a bully. She is not ashamed to be noticeable. She rules the roost. This woman feels entitled because she has a pack of many women behind her. Perhaps she has monetary wealth above and beyond her peers, or something else that gives her authority. Do you know this type? I do
- There is the toxic woman who wants you to disappear. She does not like you. You are a threat. She feels weakened in your presence.
HOW TO DISARM A TOXIC WOMAN
First, try this approach:
- Take the high road. Don’t engage.
- Continue to be the nice person you are.
- Don’t counterattack. If you do they usually don’t give up,
Though it’s true that women need women, that does not mean you need just any woman. And although I wish all women were supportive of one another, I know some women are brutal to one another. Toxic women are especially vindictive and strong. If you cannot disarm them from attacking with kindness, you should delete that person from your life. Period.
THE POSITIVE LESSONS I LEARNED
I have found that toxic women have helped me develop a thicker skin. If you have not, it is time you learn this lesson.
I have learned how to choose my friends and acquaintances. My friends mirror me. I surround myself with women who have my back. Are your choices sound?
I cut my losses and steer clear of mean, toxic women. Do you walk? Or do you cower?
By no means am I perfect. I still have to learn not to give toxic women any negative ammunition to use against me. By this I mean: Even though I want to shout from the rooftop, I should not allow myself to sink to their level. In most cases, I rise above the negative chatter.
However, there was a time I wore my heart on my sleeve. I told the truth to others. Relaying that, I would stop allowing a particular toxic woman back into my life. Later I learned that I should have kept my own counsel. I should have thought twice before I spoke once.
I didn’t care because the woman had been making me unhappy for more than a few years. By keeping my silence and taking the high road, I gave her her chances. Nothing worked. It was my happiness over hers. She left me no choice but to delete her. Would I reconsider? If she was woman enough to apologize.
Read my post on how I am able to see life through rose-colored glasses.
THE TOXIC PERSONALITY
I have read that toxic women lash out because of their own insecurities and jealousies. They see another woman as their threat. These women are pros at targeting the weak and the very strong. They are saboteurs. Another woman’s accomplishments and style create envy. I am sad for toxic women. What joy is there in putting down a sister? They should feel shame. But these women don’t!
My close friend called me the other day. During the course of our conversation, she told me a toxic woman we both know will not let her into a bridge game. My friend is an excellent bridge player and does not have a mean bone in her body. The toxic woman had no qualms about being unkind to my friend because she knows my friend would submit without a word. She feared her not. She is a mean girl.
I asked my friend how she felt when the toxic woman again rejected her.
She said, “ I thought she would reject me because my presence in her game does not make her feel more powerful. I am too nice to her. I learned.” I smiled through the phone.
USE YOUR WILL WISELY
A toxic woman’s role in life is to lord her powers in a negative manner over others. She knows no other way.
If you have this tendency, it is never too late to seek help. We all have kindness genes. Even the toxic woman. Life is too short and difficult with all the situations we face to be mean-spirited to other women. Remember…women need women.
If you are being attacked by a toxic woman, you must delve into your inner self and ask yourself why.
Please stop. It is better to be alone to enjoy yourself. You have your will. I call it empowerment. I also call it enlightenment. Whether you are in your twenties or nineties, you have the ability to roar into a luxurious life. Use your will wisely. Never lord it over others. Only yourself.
Ask me questions. If I can give you sound advice, it will always be my pleasure. I am smiling!
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It is a challenge when the toxic woman is a member of your team. I wish I had your advice 11 years ago when I was still working. A toxic coworker is one of the key reasons I decided to retire early. She was subtle but nasty. I quietly warned remaining team member to be careful because she was jelaous of him. These people wear you down..
They wear you down when you allow them to wear you down. I am hopeful you will not be put into that position again. Feel your goodness and empowerment and stand up to anyone who bullies you. Watch your words. Come from strength. Think your thoughts through and then state your thoughts. Warmly, Honey
Delete them I did. However, I’m still hurting from the lost of what I considered a friendship.
Now, on another note, where did you purchase the beautiful white blouse?
I am still hurting from a friendship too. The blouse is Georgio Armani. It is not new and I still love it. We have to be very careful who we choose for our close friends. Warmly, Honey
❤️. Best Adice Ever
A huge message for all
Thank you very very much. I am smiling. Warmly, Honey
I’m not sure if this woman is toxic, but I sure am not looking forward to catching up with her for her birthday. I’m hoping she will cancel our plans as she often does.
We have know each other since we were 4 years old. Kept in touch and been friends through high school years and our church. I was bridesmaid for her wedding. We have shared ups and downs through out life and here we are in our 60’s!
I’m wondering if her illnesses in the last 15 years have affected her. It’s like she’s more of how she has been for a long time and I’m seeing it . Helpful but bossy, she knows how things should be done and gets offended / annoyed if it’s done a different way, puts the onus on me that we don’t get together- that my schedule is so busy , insists that she knows that I’m not sharing all my deep problems with her, says that my husband and I are both her friends. And I guess it’s this last point that had tipped me. When she was having marital problems I made it clear that she was my friend even though I did know her husband perhaps a bit more than she actually knew mine.
When I found out that my husband had been in a secret relationship with a former employee, I also found that he had a nick name ( which I had heard him talking about with my friend and had told it I didn’t like it , but then saw that he had been texting my friend about their nicknames for another and he had sent her a series of messages and photos of when he had prepared oysters ( as he knew this was a favorite food item of hers) . Neither of them mentioned these texts to me. This all occurred a few years ago and came to light – as did other things my husband had been doing when I found out his latest’ concern’ for the former married employee .
Anyways my relationship had been changing with this friend before I found out about the texts. I would have been happy to have nothing more to do with her and now even more so .
I’m not sure why I am being polite or having anything to do with her . I can’t see how to disentangle myself and still feel good about myself.
I do know I’m not looking forward to our seeing her in a few days time and wish , true to firm, that she would cancel
You mentioned the test messages are two years old.Do you know if there have been others over the past two years? I think you should listen to your heart. It knows. If it is telling you to stop seeing her, stop or at the very least have a conversation and air your feelings. You are a big girl. Instead of festering inside, talk to her in person in a coffee shop or over lunch in a restaurant. Let me know the result. Warmly, Honey
The toxic woman in my life is my granddaughter-in-law. She has alienated most of our side of the family-deliberately. I have no desire to engage with her, however, she is now withholding my 8 year old granddaughter who I have been very close to her whole life. She tightly controls their little family.By the way, my great granddaughter is her step-child. The other parent is even controlled by “Ms Toxic”.
I know the feeling. Don’t do as I did. I took the high road. I believe in that philosophy unless you are dealing with a toxic person. You are as I am. My advice, Give her hell and let the whole family know how harmful she is using an 8 year old innocent child as hostage. Maybe the other grandmother will join you. Be a force. Warmly, Honey
If the toxic woman is your mother in law?
This is only a difficult situation when a husband takes his mother’s side. If this is your case, talk to your husband. The two of you should be ‘one voice.’ Warmly, Honey
Your neck area in the above picture looks so young! Do you have a secret to help those of us whose turkey necks make us look older?
Unfortunately the photo is lying to you!!! My neck is not perfect by any means and I just don’t let it bother me. I do recommend a good sunblock and I use La Mer products. The only step to maintain a youthful neck is a facelift and I am not suggesting that. But, it is an option that will definitely work. Warmly, Honey