I'm Honey!

As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

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Honey Good smiling at her computer desk

Let’s talk about something that is a far bigger problem than most people realize — loneliness. What is loneliness? “It is the discrepancy between what you have and what you want from your relationships,” says neuroscientist Stephanie Cacioppo.

You can be in a crowd and feel lonely. To ward off loneliness, you have to pinpoint why you are dissatisfied and work at addressing the reasons. Until you do it has been proven that you will feel invisible, isolated, and left out. The problem is universal.

The first step is to thine own self be true. Are you? I think it wise to sit down and do an honest appraisal and assess your needs. It is time to set this as a goal and take action.


Living in Elsewhere under the guise of Covid 19 created a worldwide loneliness epidemic for people of all ages. Today’s Sunday story will touch on ways to ward off loneliness. Yes, I have times when I am lonely, too.

A few evenings ago around 6:00 pm I was putting on my make-up and listening to the world news. I heard the newscaster say, “The biggest epidemic facing our society is loneliness.” I stopped applying my mascara and looked up at my TV screen and listened intently because I was thinking of myself and you.

The newscaster did not pinpoint loneliness to one age group; he said, loneliness is affecting all age groups. A few evenings later I heard another report that 4 out of 10 college students are facing loneliness. I was very surprised that loneliness made the evening world news report but not surprised that it was of epidemic proportion.

For those of you who are facing loneliness, I suggest working harder to connect with others. Women you are genuinely attracted to — who bring true joy into your life. When you do not feel a connection, it is time to stop spending your time with that woman or a group of women.


I have been thinking about the pattern of a woman’s life — my own included. I have talked to women of all ages and walks of life, who found themselves grappling to evolve into a new rhythm after the age of 50. Their needs have changed. They want to make adjustments with new relationships. I was happily surprised that my view was not unique.

Not all women are searching for a new pattern of living. Many women are content with their lives and managing well. Perhaps they have found their answer or perhaps they have decided, because of age, to settle into a comfortable routine and just be. I am not a therapist — this is just my thought.

Who is lonelier? The woman searching or the content woman who wants to ‘just be?’ I don’t know the answer but if I had to guess I would say both types.

Part of me was feeling that something in my life was missing so I began my quest for a new pattern of living. I wanted to make an adjustment. Do you feel the same?

When I lived in Honolulu, I was across the street from the ocean. Lying in bed each night I could hear the sound of the sea. The waves spoke to me with these words — patience, patience, patience — as they gently rolled in and out. I miss my days in Honolulu where I learned the value of patience. To take my time climbing the stairs until one day after huffing and puffing, I reach my goal.

I mention patience because when one begins a quest for a new pattern of living, one that will ward off loneliness, it always takes patience. Knowing the ‘real’ you in you and then finding avenues to attain your goal.


I am a small-town girl from Kankakee by the Sea. I say small-town girl because what I feel within has nothing to do with how I ‘look’ and the luck I have living a charmed life with my Ultimate Concierge.

My outer look and my lifestyle are the frosting on the cake. The inner me is the substance that holds the frosting in place so to speak! Often times I feel women don’t feel my authentic presence.

My growing up years in Kankakee by the Sea in a middle class town with a large family, who had the highest of values, taught me well. The inner me has middle class stability and not the falseness of the elite. Thank goodness. I probably don’t portray this feeling to the outside world but that is the ‘real’ me. And, I don’t have a clue why I don’t.


I tell you this because I want to set the stage of what my life feels like now. As a woman far over the age of 50, I seek women who think like I think, and lend something of themselves to my needs. Women who pique my fancy.

A woman who is firstly sincerely warm and caring. A woman who lacks envy, an authentic woman who does not care to do a one-up with me. I seek a woman who accepts my frailties, and a woman who enjoys what I enjoy and yet adds a new flavor to the 31 flavors already available at Baskin Robbins. I am looking for the 32nd flavor!

Why? A few weeks ago, I was in the company of a 96-year-old woman who is still in business! Swear!!! An off-the-cuff comment caught my attention. She said she found many women settle into a comfortable lifestyle after a certain age. They are content to live each day in a comfortable way.

I am not that woman and will not be until the day I drop! Period. I get excited about everything! Still, I ponder over everything. Or look for serendipity to tap tap tap my shoulder, or help a friend find a caregiver. I share with pleasure everything and I find joy in helping everyone.

This is not me looking for approval or bragging. It is my small-town girl mentality. I don’t hide behind a mask — I don’t know how! All this to say … I am searching for new women friends who parallel my way of thinking. Now I am at a point where I want to share my time with women who don’t hide, who show vulnerability and don’t pretend ‘everything is marvelous.’ In other words, I am done with the drama. I want a woman friend who is the real McCoy. They can take me as I am or … let me be. Period.


I moved to Chicago from Honolulu in my 40’s. I married my Ultimate Concierge. Then I lived six months of the year in California and six months in Chicago until the pandemic.

My lifestyle in California gave me the opportunity to bond with female friends. Chicago was different because my Ultimate Concierge and I traveled in and out of the city during the six months we lived in our condo-in-the-sky. I do have several close acquaintances in the city but decided about a year ago I wanted to expand my horizons. My wish is to spend time with women from all walks of life who are open to curiosity and have a continuous bloom.

This took my patience. I pondered and pondered over how I could reach out. I started climbing the stairs. Often, I fell back but I did not give up.


One day about a year ago I met Charlie in the elevator. He was carrying two loaves of bread! He asked if he could stop by our condo and gave us a loaf hot out of the oven. Charlie told me he baked daily! He stayed for an hour talking to my Ultimate Concierge and me.

During the course of the conversation, he mentioned he had Salons in his apartment. He invited friends in for wine and cheese, to listen to music, or hear a speaker. My serendipitous moment appeared. I was entranced. Because I love my groups! And, on honeygood.com I am planning on opening to my large following of women over 50 none other than an Enlightenment Salon!!! It is already written.


Today I am on Charlie’s social committee for our condominium. We plan events for the people who live in the building. And, guess, what? My Ultimate Concierge and I are hosting the first one! And, guess what else?! I have already played mahjong ( I am the worst player but love the flowers and joker tiles) twice with women on the committee. In addition I have rekindled a friendship with another woman who branded Build a Bear, Baskin in Robins, and several other companies. Right up my alley of interest. She is also a potter and gave me one of her pieces (pictured above) when I visited with her this week in her condo.

I am on a roll, darling. This has taken over a year to find my niche. Again and again I have afforded myself the opportunity to meet new women who I hope will light up my life! I climbed the stairs. I looked for my opportunity. And I asked to join a committee. Now I am happily content.


The world has totally changed and so have the lives of everyone of us, including myself. During Covid there was an overabundance of solitude and when it ended a panic set in on how to fill our lives again. I asked myself, “How do I fill up my empty cup as I enter a total reorientation?”

The Covid experience reminds me of how it felt when I became an empty nester and a young widow. These were the times I felt I had to refind my center of gravity. I had to find my true center, alone. These were times marked with loneliness and self-growth. Growth is an awareness that is painful but it leads you to reach your answer.


There is a difference between the trivial and the important. One does not need several people or activities to ward off loneliness. Choose people and activities that make your heart sing. This will take effort. Nothing good happens by accident. You have to have a goal and climb the stairs.

Everything and anything is possible. It is up to you to take on the challenge. No, it is not easy. It takes time to analyze what fulfills you. Often times you have to analyze the life you are leading and make adjustments. Like I did.

How to move forward if you are lonely:

  • Admit you are lonely: Not coming to terms stops your chance to do something about your feelings.
  • Simplicity is the spice of a good life:  Our lives are overcrowded with too many people and too much stuff. It is often hard to decipher the appropriate path to ward off loneliness. Set aside sufficient time to be quiet, to think, to look at the stars, to challenge yourself in the quiet of the day. Make a list of the type of woman and group you would like to add to your life. This takes patience.
  • You are one of millions of lonely women: The writing is on the wall. Loneliness is an epidemic.
  • Stave off a monotonous diet: What do I mean? We tend to select people like ourselves. We select the known; not the unknown. I have learned that the unknown woman is the most inciting and enriching.  
  • Grow: Does pottery-making interest you? Might you take classes at your university or begin piano lessons? Join a walking group or book club. Or join a social committee like I did. (Here’s a recent roundup article I did with lots of new hobby ideas!)
  • False set of values:  A false set of values is front and center in today’s world. To ward off loneliness choose people and join groups that show quality over quantity, silence over noise, thoughts over words.

We all have signposts in our heads that point us in the right direction. A loneliness signpost is a reminder that something is off in our social environment and it is time to take a new turn. You are the driver of your ship. September is around the corner. The perfect month to a new start. Put on your thinking cap and escape the loneliness syndrom. You can do this with knowing the real you in you, patience, and drive. Age is just a number. I swear.


Honey Good Women After 50 Beauty Fashion Health


August 20, 2023

Advice, Passages After 50, Relationships

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  1. Jeanne says:

    Great and enlightening article about loneliness. During Covid I made the decision to be intentional about who I spend time with and what I do with my time. It has led me to not being with a certain friend who I spent a great amount of time with before the pandemic. This has been hard for me to make this decision and follow up with other activities or maybe just being with my self at times. Closing this door has opened time for other friendships, activities and a feeling of empowerment. I would like to know more about the speakers you have invited in to this new group. I would like to possibly follow this model. I have enjoyed your writings and suggestions. Thank you for choosing to be intentional in your life and allowing us to be a part of your journey. Warmly, Jeanne

    • Susan Good says:

      It takes strength to make changes. I know. It has often taken all of mine, too.

      There are several ways to start a group. 10 women over coffee and tea who meet and discuss their issues. I had a group for four years who met. No one dropped out. It ended when we moved. Your group can be of all ages or just in your demographic. Mine was in my demographic but I have held multigenerational groups and they are just as successful. This is a start. Keep in touch with me. Warmly, Honey

  2. Rene A. says:

    Thank you for this very thoughtful, and encouraging post. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I am struggling with this very thing and seeking my path forward. I think many women also struggle with being lonely in a marriage that does have good in it but not the capacity to develop deep intimacy. We have to then look for emotional connection and meaning in other friendships and pursuits.
    Thanks again for the challenge to be intentional in our personal growth.

    • Susan Good says:

      I love the word intentional. It is a very strong word that gives us emotional drive to move forward. Go girl, go. And, don’t stop until your heart tells you you ‘did good.’ Warmly, Honey

  3. Cyndi says:

    Thank you for this posting. A year ago, I told myself “enough”. I was not going to quietly sit around. I put a plan into action. I decided to sell my large home with a clay studio on a huge lot in a lovely neighborhood. The stars lined up for me. A new work/live development began in my town. This is exactly what I had been hoping to find. My home sold the first day it was listed. (Another sign that I am on the right path.). The move is daunting. I will need to rent a home for a short time while my new home is completed. I love the idea of “salons”. My new home will be perfect for something similar. We will be a pocket neighborhood. I refuse to be lonely and am taking steps to change my mindset plus fill my life with people who I truly enjoy. Take care.

  4. Lynn Winchester says:

    Oh my goodness, Honey Good, your inspiration to me is endless! I am 63 and hope to retire in a year. Yippie! I lost both parents in past 2 years. I’ve been consumed with such a sense of loneliness! You inspired me with your posts to examine parts of my life and friendships. I let go of negative friendships which has been so positive for me! Then I planned 2 trips I’m looking forward to. Now I’m working on researching all the things in my city I can do once I retire. I’m excited about my life again!
    Many thanks, Honey, for being so open and giving of your thoughts, advice and so endearing with your love of life.
    Much love,

    • Susan Good says:

      I woke up to your lovely comment. Thank you for starting my day with a smile. I’m happy for you. You are climbing the stairs. So am I!!! Warmly, Honey

  5. LuAnn says:

    Honey, thank you for these wise words. I think I have started feeling a bit sorry for myself. My wonderful husband, who I adore and have for 56 years, has many physical things wrong with him. He was a grand six foot two macho man and now he can only get around with a walker. I am with him constantly and there are limited things we can do. I am not complaining, just thanking God that he is still here for me to love. I do not have to be with him 24/7 but I know he gets lonely when I am gone even for a short while. Now, after reading your wise words, I have made the decision to get out, at least a couple of times a week, with who I share mutual interests. Darling, you just woke me up to some changes I need to make. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💕🌸💕

    • Susan Good says:

      Dear LuAnn, I know how hard it is to leave a love one alone. I tell my ultimate concierge that I never feel totally at peace when I am out and about. I just want you to know you will probably feel like I do. It is natural when you love a person.It is also natural to stay involved and take care of the you in you. Manage your time wisely and you can do both!!! Warmly, Honey

  6. Gertie says:

    This article comes at a time when I am challenging the perimeters of loneliness. In recent months I have made an intention to work on engaging and connecting within my community. Challenging the statistics of a singular life. Patience, consistency and belief in oneself are key to pursuing this quest! Sending light and hope to all!

    • Susan Good says:

      Thank you, Gertie.Please continue the challenge. One day you will fall into what is right for you. Patience. Patience. Patience. Climb. Climb. Climb. Warmly, Honey

  7. DeRita Vitto says:

    Hi honey you are so encouraging your suggestions a practical which I have been climbing the stairs after the pandemic I went into a questioning mode of myself I closed camp for a while did not renew my lease renting a room from a dear elderly friend right now and I’m making my way up the stairs it feels wonderful thank you love.

    • Susan Good says:

      Good! Keep climbing and give yourself tender loving care as you search for what is best for ‘you.’ Warmly, Honey

  8. Hi Susan,
    I have shared with you in the past. I am 82 , a Fine Art Photographer and a Poet. I am a member of various small groups… some all women and others men and women……Monthly Spiritual Pot luck with Spiritual Agenda, Monthly Artist Council devoted to business, but also opportunity to share our work, Senior Socializing weekly group at the Senior Center, Poetry Circle weekly. I could go on, but I think I have mentioned some of the activities I do to deal with the feeling of loneliness. What I am missing is a man in my life for a romantic loving relationship. I have hired expensive dating coaches, joined three dating sites, but have not been lucky so far in filling that void. I do not want to give up, but continuing is very disheartening. Are there other women who you have heard from, who are in a similar situation. Anyone with any new ideas I have missed?
    Best regards,

    • Susan Good says:

      I am sure there are several other women searching for Mr.Right. No one wants to spend their life alone. They want to share. Think about this type of introduction when you put your profile in a dating site.
      1. Look for sites for older people.
      2. Ask for what ‘you’ want instead of describing who you are. Be specific. Keep it short.
      That is what I would do.
      Keep me posted.
      PS You do not need a dating coach! Be yourself.
      Warmly, Honey

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