I enjoy my eclectic group of female friends. You know, darlings, it takes time to figure out the emotional psyche of a woman. We are a complex and complicated package. Complex is putting it lightly because we tend to want emotional intimacy in our relationships with our girlfriends. This often gets tricky, and I dare say perplexing, because the mind of a woman can churn at a mile a minute.
The question is: what type of churning minds do you attract? Personally, I am attracted to women who have the confidence to expose their vulnerabilities, enjoy sharing information, are empathic, exciting and intelligent in areas I find interesting. If one of my friends disappoints me or vice versa, my goal is to have an open conversation to fix what I don’t want broken.
I have no qualms about showing my vulnerable side. This has not always boded me well and I have occasionally been mystified why some women remain silent about the reasons for ending a friendship. Ultimately I say to myself, sure I am sad but life goes on. Depending on the circumstance, it is never too late to pick up the phone to reconnect with a lost friend After the age of 50 you have the time.
Two Different July Relationships
During the month of July, many women continue to pass through my life. Close friends, acquaintances, interesting women I see and greet on my daily walks with America. Of this handful, two women stand out. One of the women is a new friend. The other is an old friend. They are two very different women and two very different stories. Two very different lessons.
An Old Friendship Gone Astray
My old friend and I have enjoyed each other’s company on many levels, including evenings with our husbands. The four of us are compatible to the point that we could travel together. A year ago, almost to the day, we had plans for dinner and a concert. I had forgotten another friend of mine had asked to spend the evening with us too. I forgot to mention this to my old friend and after that evening, I felt our friendship cooled.
When she saw me, she would give me a kiss hello but she never picked up her phone to call. I began to suspect she was upset but it seemed odd to think it was over that evening. Summer ended and I left for California. I phoned her once and she did call back. Upon my return to Chicago, my ultimate concierge and I on occasion ran into these friends. Our husbands were very friendly to one another and to each of us, but I felt a chill in the air. A few weeks later, I called her and over the phone asked what was bothering her. She was very open and I was elated by her honesty when she said, “Yes something is bothering me. I don’t want to talk about it over the phone.”
I said, “Let’s meet and talk.”
She replied, “That is fine.”
We are meeting tomorrow. I am looking forward to having an open dialogue with my old friend and obviously she is too. In this situation, she is open to discussing the reasons she is upset. I respect her for her willingness to converse and I suspect there is more to this than the evening I accidentally made two dates. I am hopeful that we will settle into our old friendship once again. My positive intuition tells me we certainly will.
The experience I am having with this friend during the month July is very important, darlings, because my friend and I are able to show our vulnerable sides. Women pride themselves on the degree they will allow one another into their personal thoughts. When they do allow this, it gives them a greater connection into the details of each other’s lives. Some women prefer to stay close to the chest with their true thoughts. However doing so, they avoid the ability to have an honest exchange. In these instances, the friendship does not have much of a chance of surviving.
Friendships wax and wane through the great and the unfortunate times. At this time, this friendship is being tested. Obviously my friend needs to vent. I want to listen. Our willingness to take the time to meet tells both of us that we care. This is a lesson on openness and honesty. It has to be two sided. I know this friend. She will be open to a fault. I know myself. I will respect her feelings and be open with my feelings.
Remember this key point, darlings: A meeting to discuss a problem has to have honest intentions on the part of each woman or the friendship does not have a chance to rekindle.
A New Relationship Turns Into A Friendship
A separate friendship came to fruition when I had trouble applying for our visas for Moscow. My newest friend, who I have not met, is he owner of a travel company in New York. She is a dynamo. We met through a very close friend of mine, a New Yorker who hired her to help with her Moscow visa and a trip to locate her Russian roots.
As it has turns out, she is able to do what other agents can’t. She found a cruise my ultimate concierge and I are taking. Other travel agents told us the cruise line and this particular cruise was overbooked.
In Moscow, she made a reservation at the 15th most popular restaurant in the world. When I texted her I would like to return for another meal, she reserved a table for the next night.
She accomplishes everything I need. In my mind, she has earned my seal of approval as the tastemaker in the travel industry. Her taste is impeccable and she makes whatever I want happen! She is a non-stop talking dynamo and drives me over the wall crazy with her multiple phone calls, emails and text messages. I have told her multiple times we have to end our relationship if she continues this. But, ultimately, she either phones, texts or emails me–or I phone or text her–so I guess we are stuck with one another.
Bonding Over Our Similarities
Why? Because we share stories. We have the same taste in everything from travel to locating the best doctors. We are both cancer survivors and our husbands–she calls her husband Mr. Gorgeous and of course, you all know I call my husband my ultimate concierge. On top of that, they both wear red glasses!
Well, last week on one of her several calls in one day, the conversation went like this:
Initially, she called to tell me she was on her way to Nantucket for the weekend. I told her to have fun.
On the second call, I saw her name and did not answer. After all, what could she tell me? We had just spoken to one another.
A text message came through. I have a great story to tell you!
With her third ring, of course, darlings, I answered. I wanted to hear the great story.
Before I could ask she said, “I just bought a Louis Vuitton Bag. It is to die for. Google it while we are talking. There are only 300 in the world and it is a limited edition. They are sold out in the States but you may find one on your trip in Europe.”
I thanked her, said goodbye and forgot about the bag.
Early The Next Morning
The next morning, bright and early, the phone rang. “I found you the LV bag! They are sold out in Europe so I started searching in the USA. I have a special phone number and someone in Troy, Michigan returned theirs and I have it on hold for you! Can I charge it and have it sent? You will have it the next day!”
I started laughing and could not stop. Darlings, this new friend of mine was becoming my second concierge!
I told her, “Between you and Shelly, I have it made! May I call you my second concierge?”
We laughed and laughed.
The next morning, I was sitting on the exam table waiting for the doctor when a text message arrived from you know who! “The box with your new bag was delivered and it is sitting on the bed in your guest room!”
I started to laugh and laugh. And, so did she!!
“How do you know?” I asked.
She told me she called my house and checked.
I have never experienced a woman like this woman. While she drives me looney tunes with her constant calls, texts and emails, she rewards me with fascinating conversation on so many topics. We have the same taste and a mirrored sense of humor.
The Joys of Varied Friendships
I genuinely love spending time and sharing information with my friends. You are all my online friends and I delight in writing my stories for you. I treasure my offline friendships and there is nothing I would not do for a friend.
After the age of 50, we have time to nurture our old friendships and welcome new women into our lives. Such was the case during the month of July for yours truly. I am going to try and nurture an old friendship and I have already welcomed a new friendship into my life. Onto August: a cruise with my ultimate concierge and friends, new sights, new adventures and I am certain there will be a woman or two I will introduce to you.