How to move on after being rejected by an adult child

January 27, 2017 Published by
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Honey Good writes about rejection by an adult child

How does a mother recover from rejection by an adult child? When a piece of her life is missing?

While there is not a single mother-child relationship that is free of conflict, a mother never anticipates her child abandoning her. Aside from the three abuses, sexual, emotional and physical, how can anyone permanently abandon their mother? It appears to be an unthinkable act for the mother who feels as if she has been a positive role model for her child. Among other things, she thought she raised them to be loving, kind, forgiving and respectful.

The mourning stage

The mother must first experience the mourning stage.

She is sad, questions why, feels shame, tells no one and is filled with anger towards her child for leaving her out of family events such as birthdays, anniversaries and weddings. She feels discarded by the family, never expecting rejection by an adult child.

She writes notes, sends loving gifts and waits, hoping for a response. When notes go unanswered and gifts are returned, she finally realizes the unthinkable has happened. She is an abandoned mother.

She cries, does not sleep at night and experiences a range of emotions from sadness to rage to disappointment, as the unthinkable loss includes her grandchildren and other family members, as well.

How to find happiness after rejection by an adult child

Realize you are a good person. You have figured out your estranged adult child is troubled.

You most likely have other adult children, and I suggest you tell them to refrain from discussing this with their brother or sister.

Focus on the positive relationships you have outside of your family that are joyful, loving and interesting. Positivity is fruitful to your emotional and physical health.

I know I say it often, but remind yourself to be grateful. It promotes physical and emotional well-being. An example of gratitude: my husband washed and gassed up my car. I am so grateful.

Forgive your estranged child if he or she comes to you. It is hard, but forgiveness is so beneficial. Your life will be more satisfying.

Accept the reality and your inability to change the situation. Dwelling on your sadness is futile. Acceptance will take all of your determination, but remember you have other adult children and grandchildren to love and share your life with. Put your energy to positive use. You can live your life in a way that is fulfilling and meaningful.

Lastly, dear readers of mine, be filled with hope for a future reconciliation.

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40 Comments

  • Debbie ( Bebe ) says:

    I love your Blog! You are so wise, insightful, charming, and beautiful!

    Thank you for the sparkle you give to us, your dear Reader’s!

    Debbie ( Bebe ) from South Georgia

    • Honey Good says:

      I love your nick name! And I love the word sparkle. I am smiling. Thank you so much for enjoying my musings. Warmly, Honey

  • Oma E. Garcia says:

    THANK YOU! I so needed see this and realize that this possible. I had already reached the conclusion to enjoy my life in a positive and uplifting way with as much creativity and laughter as I can ever wish for…Big Hugs and a Kiss!

    • Honey Good says:

      I am so glad. You have learned to deal in a very positive way. I hope other mom’s will follow your outlook. What you are saying is: I have a choice. I can go into despair or I can do my very best to carry on an uplifting lifestyle. Good for you. A big hug and kiss back!

  • Kathleen says:

    It’s a hurt that cannot ever be described…..a feeling that time cannot heal…it will forever remain tucked way deep in your soul..it will be buried along side you.

  • Linda says:

    Thanks for this heartfelt message. It really made sense to me, who had a brother who decided to abandon me, my parents, and whole extended family. It nearly killed my mom!

    Also, can you tell me what kind of haircut you have? I see it is simple, possibly long layers, and slightly shorter on sides. I love it!

    • Honey Good says:

      Let’s start with the fun stuff: my haircut. It is not layered. It is shorter on the sides. It may look a little layered on the sides because when I think it looks a little long, I walk into my kitchen and take my large scissors and cut it a little. It always turns out a little ragidy looking. ????I feel sad for your mom but thankfully she has you and family, though her pain can never go away. Hopefully one day your brother will see the light. Warmly, Honey.

  • Chandi says:

    My daughter and son in law were a stranged for me for about 1year 1/2. Finally we made amends a year ago in the holiday season. It’s not perfect but it’s going in the positive direction!! It was a very sorryful time. A step granddaughter still has abandoned my husband and myself. Time is so precious!

    • Honey Good says:

      You are one of the lucky parents. I am so glad.. You will probably reconcile with your grand, too. Hopefully. Warmly, Honey

  • Celeste says:

    Thank you needed that ????

  • Jacqui says:

    I have never before read anything touching on this subject. Thank you. I am not personally affected by child abandonment, but know someone who has experienced it. I will show her this article, it will surely comfort and encourage her. Again, thank you.

    • Honey Good says:

      This is an epidemic problem in families. It is hidden because mom’s are embarrassed to discuss. I am so glad I can help. Warmly, Honey

  • Maria Rowe says:

    Great article…

  • Teresa says:

    Thank you for addressing this hidden and deep disappointment. I love them, pray for them, and give them to God. I have apologized, only to be disappointed over again. So I appreciate you sharing.

    Blessings

    • Honey Good says:

      I read that households in the 1940’and 1950 the parents were the head of the family. Children were disciplined and learned respect. It changed in the 60’s and forward. The children controlled the parents because the parents entitled and spoiled their children, out of love. It backfired. This is an epidemic so you are not alone. Warmly, Honey

  • D. says:

    What if the mother abandons the adult child and is vicious towards that adult child both verbally and emotionally?

    • Honey Good says:

      This is just so sad. I hope if you are that child that you have found love elsewhere, that you will be able to give double your love to people you love, a partner, your children, your friends and get that love back..Warmly, Honey

  • Susan says:

    I agree with most all of this article, except, saying that you have other children/and grands to spend energy on. That is not the answer! No other child or person can replace or make you feel better about losing touch with a child/grands no matter how many other children you have.

    • Honey Good says:

      Of course you are right. Yet, to preserve a mom’s sanity, she must go on and give to the rest of her family by giving her all. She must go on with her life. What do you suggest she do if her adult child has closed the door and the mom has tried everything in her power to reopen it? Warmly, Honey

  • Gweb says:

    But, always leave that door open for them.

  • Liz says:

    Thank you for your post. It takes courage to share and, I am sure, it is helpful to many. Life can be difficult, but there is a way forward.

    • Honey Good says:

      A mother, if she was kind and loving, must realize she has worth. All moms make mistakes. There is no book on the rules of motherhood. I believe the adult child suffers as much as the mother. And what a poor example she is exhibiting to her children. It is awful, .

  • Nori says:

    It is easy to say when you do not have any other children and you lost the ex-husbands family when you left.

  • Jeune says:

    Not Logged In
    Just now

    Many of we "abandoned mothers" have no other children and no grandchildren and that makes this tragedy even more painful.
    You do go through a period of mourning and mental torture, but life does go on. However, hope springs eternal…

  • Judi says:

    Unfortunately there comes a time that you must realize that you have done ALL that you can do as a parent! Some children are a blessing to any family that they would be sent to and others would have the problems they struggle with in other families as well. I believe that most parents do their personal best under their given circumstances…none of us are perfect; there is no attached instructions sent from Heaven with the birth of each child. The scriptures do teach us to; ‘Train up a child in the way they should go…’ unfortunately children may wander for a season to work out their own problems and issues.

    We’ve had unbearable heartbreaks with some of our children; LOVING unconditionally is paramount. Someday they will return; pray for them daily, pray for peace for yourself in the meantime to get through those days of torment as they are agonizing. One of our sons is currently not speaking to us; he needs help but until he is willing to recognize that you have to at some point take a giant step back and let them live their lives otherwise we become a mess from the stress of all that you are going through. It is hard to let go; but it is empowering when we finally do…especially when you put the situation in Heavenly Father’s hands and let him carry the load! Each day is a gift; cherish times with your other family serving them while holding a place in your heart for the ‘prodigal’ child to return… then celebrate as that will be an amazing gift for sure!

    • Honey Good says:

      Thank you for writing to me. You are not alone. I studied the data and adult children are doing this to their parents in epidemic proportion. Parents are embarrassed to discuss this because it makes them feel like they were bad parents. I agree with you. That child would probably do the same if they had other parents. Live your life. Give your love to other family members as you are. Warmly, Honey

  • Sue says:

    The saddest part is when that adult child dies. And,you have have no go backs. It is done. And, you are left with an empty heart.

  • Dandy says:

    I can relate to your message. My youngest daughter is a heroin addict. She comes from a loving family and we keep asking ourselves how she went down this path. It has been a nightmare to say the least as we almost lost her twice. She had to be revived once by her own father who is a physician and then again in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. The worst part of all of this is she tends to use me as her punching bag blaming me for most of this. I have tried everything from unconditional love to tough love so I feel the abandonment and can’t understand why.

    • Honey Good says:

      It is so complex a problem. I feel so badly for you and your husband and your daughter. I have no words. I cannot understand either. I know there is a field of psychiatrists who deal with the estrangement of adult children and parents. I have a girlfriend who knows more about this field. I walk with her every day. I will ask her this morning. Send me your email address if you care to and I will email you what I learn. susanfgood@gmail.com. Warmly, Honey

  • Lori says:

    Thanks you thought I was the only one…

  • Kathy says:

    Thank you for talking about this issue. My only son won’t return phone calls, text messages, or private messages on Facebook. His wife is still very loving and sweet to me. I don’t discuss this issue with her because I don’t want to put her in the middle. Sometimes the grief really knocks me down. However, my sweet saviors are my three adult nieces. They love me unconditionally and include me in their lives. You are right – we must find our joy in life and hope that the adult child comes back around.

    • Honey Good says:

      You are not responsible for your son. He is responsible for his actions. You are not alone. This problem is an enormous problem in families. I know you are happy you have your daughter-in-law and your nieces. Concentrate on them and on yourself. Warmly, Honey

  • Debra says:

    As I read with tears streaming down my face, I am grateful to realize that I am not the only one. A year ago I had words with my daughter-in-law, who is married to my only child and mother to my two beautiful grandchildren. To make matters worse, we had just retired and moved to their region. Despite my attempts to apologize, things escalated and she will not allow me and my husband (not my son’s father) to see the children. My son sides with her for the sake of his marriage. E-mails and texts go unanswered or get a terse response. My son has instructed me not to send the children gifts. My husband is hurt and disappointed in the two of them; his anger is causing friction between the two of us. We are desperately unhappy here and are now moving back to our former location, and I fear I am closing the door on any opportunity to reconcile. I don’t know what to do except pray that time will heal. “A son is a son until he takes a wife…”

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      This is not about you. This is about her. You are not alone. I have read that this is an epidemic problem with adult children.No one talks about it because they are embarrassed. If you like your new community, stay and make a new life. Join a few groups and make new friends. If you moved to the community only for your children and don’t care for it, make another move. I don’t know what happened between the two of you but nothing justifies what she has done. I might be very firm with my son and tell him he was not raised with these type of values and mean thoughts keeping your grandchildren away from you.It might be a good idea to hold him accountable for his actions towards his parents. Warmly, Honey

  • Jennet Courtney says:

    My husband has totally found me sexually unattractive to him,i feel rejected and dumped, he has been emotionally unavailable,and has been doing a lot behind me which i don’t know about,yet he constantly accuses me of cheating. but thanks to Media lord for helping me hacking his phone for knowing all he has been doing behind me,now i know that infidelity has been the reason behind my marital dryness.his love denial and emotional bitterness. if you are having a trust issue in your relationship or your spouse suddenly turns a secret person,contact this genius hacker via Email= (hackingloop6 @ g m a i l.c o m) he offer lots of hacking services, website database hack, phone cloning hack, telegram hack, topping credit score,background checks and surveillance, access to social networks, school servers, i cloud and much more, Facebook messages and yahoo messenger, .he is really a cyber genius,.

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