Some of you know my husband, Shelly, and I are thinking about moving away from the ‘desert of California’ to the ‘Sea of Somewhere.’ The Atlantic? The Pacific? When we made the decision to put our home on the market in order to live near the Sea, it never entered my mind that making new friends would be difficult because we are moving after 50.
We are both extroverts and adapt well to new surroundings. Then one day my extrovert husband said to me, “It’s difficult when you move to a new city to make friends,” I felt a shiver run through me because my husband is wise and thinks before he speaks. His statement gave me room for thought and I wondered, “If he thinks it will be hard for me, what about the reserved women in the world?”
I wondered how reserved women who are moving after 50 deal with their feelings when they move to a new community and try and make new friends. The newness of everything is daunting, especially when older. It must be especially uncomfortable for the women who are reserved by nature. It takes a lot of emotional energy to put themselves out there. But they can, once they establish their manner of connecting with the right people for their happiness.
I continued thinking: When you are under 50, moving is less daunting because you have many opportunities to meet new people and make new friends through your full-time job or the parents of your kids’ friends. Because of those circumstances, you can more easily create a circle of friends and have a sense of belonging.
When you are moving after 50, the spin on life takes on a new approach. You are now retired. You are empty nesters and you no longer ‘hang out.’ Meeting people isn’t easy and often times is uncomfortable; especially for reserved women. A reserved woman is just as happy curling up with a great book.
A RESERVED WOMAN MUST GET INTO THE RIGHT ‘MINDSET’ IN ORDER TO ‘VENTURE OUT’ TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
1. I think taking a class in something new that excites you gives out ‘happiness vibes’ and you will be more apt to join in a conversation.
2. A book club is a great way to connect with new people. Conversation through literature. I have found many different types of women join book clubs. You will find your type.
3. Of course, volunteering is a great opportunity for the reserved woman to meet others who share the same common goal.
4. By joining a church or synagogue not only do you gain a reassuring destination, but they also all have Newcomer Clubs. This is an ideal opportunity to make new friends who share your same values.
AN EXTROVERTED WOMAN SHOULD NOT MAKE QUICK MOVES
I am a sunny side of the street extrovert, ready for any new adventure, but I am not foolish. My husband’s statement rocked me because I respect and look up to him. “It is difficult when you move to a new city to make new friends,” he said.
The statement is logical and makes good sense, so I am going to stay grounded and not make any decisions until our ducks are in a row and I feel we will be happy in a new community.
When we listed our home, a month ago, we hurried out to bury a Saint Joseph statue. We found a little shop with a charming owner and bought the Saint. The tale says to bury Saint Joseph face down in the front yard and your house will sell because the Saint is not happy in that position. As soon as your home sells, you dig up Saint Joseph.
I recently decided I would not bury the Saint because the last time my young daughters and I buried one, years ago, our home sold in a week. So, he is still boxed and rests on a shelf in my closet. I decided I don’t want the Saint involved with the sale of our home. In other words, I want to let what is to be…be.
Going back many years, my young daughters and I buried a Saint Joseph Statue. We were moving to Honolulu, Hawaii and we wanted our home to sell fast! Within one week, our home sold to our friends who had sold their house to move to Florida. They did not like Florida and moved back and bought our house. And off we traveled to Honolulu.
Fast forward many years later and I realized I am feeling somewhat vulnerable and hesitant to move at my age to a new city. Yes, my extroverted self even feels hesitation about meeting new people after 50!
I have decided to solve this by having a solid plan laid out for my ultimate concierge and myself. And so, I am planning. I am preparing. I am visualizing. I will not let fear hold me back, but I will recognize the emotion and work with it as I embrace new adventures… and new friends.
I am not ready just yet, but I will get there. After all, life is a journey and I love taking the road less traveled. And when I’m fully ready to depart, Saint Joseph will find a spot, face down in my yard and I will start the journey to find a new home by the sea… somewhere.