My goal is to help you create a lifestyle of positivity and possibility. I am smiling!

– Warmly, Honey

How To Grow When You Feel Stuck

Why We Feel Stuck

It’s not easy to grow when you are stuck! Trust me, I know. I have been there. I also know from personal experience it is very important to always “grow your world.”

You are very aware when you feel stuck. You are just not happy. Don’t punish yourself but do not feel sorry for yourself. You may be feeling the pangs of an unhappy marriage, possibly you are lonely; you moved to another community or you are a new empty-nester.

Maybe you are busy but are bored with your busyness. You have no clue what you want to do for satisfaction and gratification. You retired. Or you are lonely for your friends at work and your daily schedule. You want to “grow” and transition but you are stuck. You want to “razzle up your dazzle” but find it difficult especially at this stage of life over 50. Well darling, don’t despair.

I Have Been There Too…

I have been in your shoes. If you are lonely for friendship or looking for love, it is difficult to find a new path. When you are in a bad marriage or unhappy in the workplace or have serious family issues it is normal to feel trapped. If you are widowed, the transition from togetherness to aloneness is transformational. And, some of you become frozen. Some of you don’t care and you should. And, some say, I want to get unstuck but I need a little help from a friend.

It is for your physical and mental wellbeing to grow when you are stuck. Look upon this as a new and exciting chapter in your life. It may be making new friends, meeting a new beau, starting a new career, learning a new hobby, moving to a new city or a new home, and even a positive rebirth in a soured family relationship. I have a feeling you are already feeling better. I hope so.

How To Grow When You Are Stuck

It begins with your attitude. A good life is about a woman’s positive attitude

“I grow when I get stuck because I have “attitude”… a positive attitude! My attitude is part spirit, part courage, part style. It is my “my Moxie” and I own it.

Now write yours. It does not have to be positive if you are feeling negative. It has to be an honest assessment so you can grow. But, I would like you to end your statement on a positive note.

We All Have the Opportunity To Grow

BE A WOMAN OF ACTION. Don’t get stuck in inaction. Passivity and procrastination are so restrictive. Take baby steps, darling. One little step leads to another little step and these little steps lead to progress.

BE A WOMAN WHO IS POSITIVE. A positive thinking woman changes things when things aren’t working. How? She stops making excuses.

BE A WOMAN WHO IS FEARLESS. A forward-thinking woman does not allow fear to stand in the way of her goals. Fear defeats more women from starting something new than anything else.

BE A WOMAN WITH A GOAL. Women who make excuses never excel at anything. Why? They never get started! Remember to say to yourself over and over again, “I am capable.”

BE A WOMAN WHO CREATES FOR HERSELF. Don’t get stuck in trying to prove your worth to others. Prove your worth to yourself. Create your own life.

BE A WOMAN WITH A MANTRA. My priority is to grow. I will focus on my goal and work on it until I catch it.

My Story

The easiest way to grow is when you have 100% control of a situation. I am a pro at that, thank God.

My problem is how to grow when you have no control over a situation, a situation that is affecting your happiness. I know the answer: I have to learn to coexist. I am in the process of learning how.

Before I tell you my dilemma I want you to know I am grateful for my family’s good health, food on their table, and a roof over their heads. I am grateful for my soul mate, feeling loved, being busy, my pooch, and good health.

I am not happy about being controlled. Period.

It is May 16th. I am, thank God, home in my apartment in the sky. From my window on the 71st floor, I stare out the windows. I can see it is going to be a beautiful Spring day. My computer clock reads 6:23 am. I am in bed. America is lying at my feet. My Ultimate Concierge is asleep with his hand resting on my leg. Tomorrow is my birthday, my day, my special day, and instead of looking forward to celebrating I am totally miserable. Yes, darlings, I am in a funk because I have lost control over my life and I am a realist, not a gloom and doomer, I see no end in sight. The days on my March, April, and May calendar are blank. My life has been put on hold and I see no respite from this plague I named, Misery.

Misery Is the Name of The Game

I have lost control of living my life on my terms. I miss seeing a person’s smile behind a mask. When will I be able to socialize with my family and friends in the manner I choose?   When will I be able to kiss our grandchildren and our children? I know I will always have to take off my shoes at airport security and now I see a sign that says, “Take off your shoes; leave on your mask!”

Will I ever get to laugh with my manicurist, ever travel again and meet people from different countries from around the world, try new restaurants? I have lost control of my life. They even canceled my colonoscopy!

Yes, I am in a terrible funk. I have lead a charmed life because I once upon a time in America had my freedom to choose my lifestyle. But, I am a mixed bag of negative fillings. I am part sadness, part disbelief, part anger, and part fear.

I will not deny my feelings. To deal with feelings is healthy and positive. I have the responsibility to figure out “my way” to co-exist with this Pandemic, the political leaders in my state, and a national government who is more concerned with getting rid of a President then taking care of its citizens. I know this practice will add value to my life and help me grow.

Darlings, I just reread what I wrote. I actually without knowing it gave you a start. A tutorial. I am smiling.

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28 Comments
  1. Well, happy birthday, Miss Honey. I hope the coming year gets better. Once again you’ve put my feelings into words. I agree with owning our feelings, I think denial is a dangerous thing. That being said, acknowledging and dealing with our feeling can be messy. With the warmer weather come moments of “almost normalcy “ where I can forget for a few minutes the dread of this virus. And then it hits me all over again. In fact, I had a panic attack in my sleep the other night. My husband says I woke him up, hitting him and moaning I can’t take this anymore. He thought I was having a heart attack, yet I have no recollection of the incident.
    We do need to recognize the terrible toll this is taking on us, on our spirit and our inner being. I went to the market for the first time in over two months and the sight of all of us wearing masks brings tears to my eyes. I am bitter inside that an outside force has brought our country, our free USA, to this. It is the same feeling I had when the aftermath of 911 brought armed guards to our airports. They have injured us in a way that can’t be put into words.
    The thought of the coming election makes me sick inside, the constant barrage of attacks that we know will be coming. What I don’t understand is the reactions of so many when confronted with the statistics of this virus which pales in comparison to the cancer statistics in the US alone. There were 1.7 million new cancer diagnoses in 2019 with over 600,000 deaths. Yet there are no trillion dollar bills being passed in congress to fight cancer. Do we even want to look at heart disease? Would there be such outrage over this virus if it were not for this being an election year? I think not.
    Sooner or later we need to recognize and come to terms with the way we choose to live our lives. It occurs to me that we are allowing ourselves to be led by our own fear for personal safety to a point of no return for the freedom that has always been our battle cry. I take comfort in knowing that you understand this.

  2. Thank you, Honey, for sharing your feelings about the impact of loss of control that the Pandemic has cast upon us. I, like you, am going through this in a lovely place with a loving partner. I am feeling grateful and guilty. I am also feeling vulnerable and chafing at the constant proclamation of the association of my age with being especially vulnerable. Limitations on my freedom stretch out further into the distance.as guidelines roll out and make it clear those of us defined as elderly will be the last to be encouraged to resume a more normal life.

    Thank you again for this article and your words of encouragement.

  3. First, happy birthday! Just immerse yourself in being with your husband and getting to talk with all of your family in one single day. All that love!

    This will end. I have given it a timeline; my own personal timeline in order to deal. That’s the light at the end of the tunnel. In the days prior, I have my home to live in. It’s safe here and I’m lucky in comparison to many people who are worried about losing their homes, jobs and living arrangements. I can’t think about those people right now because I need to be strong for me. It’s not selfish, it’s just my way of coping. For now. For me, personally, I can lose myself in grief and I can’t do that. We all have our own ways of coping.

    So far I have kept myself occupied. Summer is coming when I’ll be able to spend time in my backyard and be with nature. I have family and a few friends to chat with. Hobbies keep me busy. Just take it one single day at a time.

    I look forward to November when we all get the opportunity to vote. The people in charge in Washington are incredibly inept. Yes, I’m talking about our President and his crew of yes-men. These people do not care about us. We need new leadership, people who will take the necessary steps to get us out of this. I have to believe that’s when change will come and we can start to go forward.

  4. This is exactly how I feel Honey. I was in a great time in my life. Freedom to travel the world. My children doing well, freedom to do as I please with my husband. 65 th birthday around the corner. My to do list became my what to do list,
    My emotions have gone all over the place. Stay well, stay safe we will get through this.

  5. Dear Honey,
    Thank you for your willingness to be so open about your thoughts and feelings. Your words inspire me to be open and honest, with myself and others, as well as to appreciate the lessons that this pandemic is teaching me; lessons about appreciating the simple things, to search for beauty every day, to continue to have hope and plan for the future, and to deepen my relationships with the people in my life. I hope you know the positive effect your words have on so many. Happy birthday, Honey.

    1. Thank you, Judy. Your words speak from wisdom. You are special. Thank you for wishing me a happy birthday and for enjoying my stories. Warmly, Honey

  6. I have been enjoying your blog, until you became political in this piece. I thought it was one place I could go without partisan political comments. No, I am not putting my head in any sand. I watch the news daily, and read politics ON POLITICAL PAGES. I am unsubscribing.

    1. I understand. A woman gotta do what she’s gotta do. My door will remain open, always. Warmly, Honey

      1. Come and join my new private FaceBook Group; GRANDwomen with Moxie…where loneliness disappears. In three weeks we have 800 women from all over the world.And, they are very very lovely and bring your friends. We do a Zoom every Wednesday and we have other plans in the making.Thank you for mentioning my mom.Very sweet of you. Stay well and safe. Warmly, Honey

  7. Oh Honey, I can relate in so many different ways !!! I try to be thankful and then I think of all I am missing and I feel depressed. I have a new Great Grandson, I look at the daily pictures I am sent and I want to hold him so much that I ache. We have been in since the first of March and I am a little stir crazy. I am so ready for a meal out a movie and some kind of normal. I like you just don’t see the end of this. Our #’s in Tennessee are rising and we are just now opening up!! Most Government officials have lost their minds…I pray for President Trump daily. I do believe he is trying to do what’s best for the country. God help him and Vice President Pence!! Stay well….Happy Birthday, find some happiness with your Ultimate Concierge!

    1. Thank you for messaging me and wishing me a happy birthday.Congrats on your new great grandson, too. When bad things happen we have to be resilient and co-exist with COVID-19. I am working on how I can co-exist in a positive manner with this Pandemic. My resilience and a positive attitude will get me there. Use your resilience and your positivity, too. Being grateful is #1. That immediately makes us take stock to be appreciative of our blessings.:) Warmly, Honey

  8. Honey,

    I’m a Jewish Woman who left an abusive relationship behind me at the beginning of the Year. I moved to the Central Rockies had a major health scare where the nearest hospital is 2 hours away. I started my own business which is now in doubt and lost my heart my precious dog. Had to rebuild my studio along with my life. But what I have found here in the Central Rockies is it’s sheer magnificent beauty, peacefulness, and solitude. I’m surround by thousand of acres of ranch land, where in a normal year there would be calf’s and Colt’s that are so sweet to watch in spring. The ranchers choose not to calf this year because of the meatpacking plants closures because of Covid -19. What I have come to realize is the other animals the Elk and the Pronghorn’s have moved into the pastures to fill the void. The circle of life is always changing. What I have found is that we are so use to controlling our life’s that when we lose it we don’t know how to fill it’s void. Control is only temporary learning to be resilient and learning another path in life when your are older is much harder. My whole world changed just as this pandemic happened. I have learned a great deal about myself during these days of quarantine. I had a lot more in my gas tank then I thought I had. I have learned to be resilient, to listen to nature and to my heart. I learned to cut wood and leave the manicures behind. The nearest grocery store is a couple hours away so I have learned to can food. Here you learn to rely on your own where there is no other choice and no one to help you. What I miss the most is the simple human touch I live for the day where I could just hold another’s hand. See my children and granddaughter. The only thing I know for sure is when this is over I’ll be stronger more resilient… Hell I’ll be tempted to drive four hours for a Manicure & Pedicure so my hands will be as soft as my soul when this is over. When you quite your mind there is another world that comes to you to fill that void. We never know what G-d has in store for us.

    I have learn so much from your blog and in many way’s you help me to find my voice and strength to leave a abusive relationship and start my life over.
    I am truly grateful for your knowledge and insight? Thank you for helping me feel not so alone when I read your blog.

    Happy Birthday!

    Lyndsey
    .

    1. My Dear Lyndsey, I sit in bed next to my ultimate concierge and my pooch, America with tears running down my face as I read your beautiful and heartfelt story out loud to my ultimate concierge. I am totally in sync and agree with all your feelings. We could be soul sisters. Remember it is not selfish to love yourself, to love your needs and to choose people who mirror your values in all areas of your life. I advise you to value yourself and in the future be a ‘good picker.’ Lessons we experience are our professors. You have had a lot of schooling as of late and should look forward to your future!!! Do you keep a Journal? Shalom and with warmth, Honey

  9. Hope that wishing you a happpy happy birthday will cheer you up.
    Here in Israel, when things get hard, we have a saying that gives perspective, helps, just a little.
    We say “we’ survived Pharaoh, we’ll survive this too.
    Hugs, kisses and smiles to you. Now and always.

    1. I love what you wrote!!! Thank you for wishing me a very happy birthday and, in my mind, you gave me a wonderful birthday gift…We survived Pharaoh!! I will never forget the phrase. Where do you live in Israel? I am so proud to have a homeland…the State Of Israel. Shalom, Honey

  10. What is the saying — You Are Not Alone! I think we all feel the way you do. I was just talking with my bestie and we both yearn for a hug and sharing a hotel room. This seems to be a time where we have to live in the moment and hope those moments turn into something we all seek — close companionship with all of our friends. It will come. Be faithful. Be prayerful.

    1. As I said, we have to learn to co-exist in a positive manner with this Pandemic. We all have a variety of coping skills to put into practice. My most important one is to be grateful. That always brings me back to feeling positive. I am working on more!!! Thank you for writing to me. I am GRATEFUL. Warmly, Honey

  11. Happy Birthday Dear Honey! I wish life was back to the goodness and beauty I now miss so much. My grandchildren s birthday’s were confined to a small box on a screen with no warm hugs and kisses. Our birthday gift was delivered when iit could have been in person. Of course, this is just the beginning of so many changes we are learning to cope with.

    The writings of your guests were so helpful. I’m grateful for this blog Honey.
    Again, Sable, I hope and prepay for new leadership as you do. This president along with Covid 19 has been beyond anything I could have imagined. We have what it takes to change this and ourselves.

    Best wishes to all of you and Honey you are precious.

    Susan

    1. Thank you for your birthday wishes.The goal is to co-exist with the Virus. We cannot let its’ ramifications play havoc with our positive thinking. Stay safe, grateful and well. Warmly, Honey

  12. I’m with you honey! I have a big one on 6-6, my 70, my husband has his 76 in September. Had a big big party planned, beautiful location, food, entertainment on the hour, Japanese drummers, jazz groups, Broadway singers, dancing, you name it we had it, all canceled.
    I’m very sad but my family is healthy , we have zoom, what more can a girl ask for?

    1. Happy almost birthday Gayle. Mine was yesterday. It poured all day and night. But, I heard from family, friends, my honeybees, flowers from my husband and grands, faceTimed and a healthy family. You are right, what more can a girl ask for. Your party sounded magnificent. Celebrate next year! Warmly, Honey

  13. Happy Birthday Honey, I defiantly understand the feeling concerning this pandemic that we are in. We have had to put everything on hold and missing our grandchildren. I am not sure if we will ever see normal again, I think there will be a new normal. Thanks again for your inspiration the you do everyday.

  14. Happy bday Honey, you are not alone. I am going to be 63 the beginning of July and parenting my Grandson who is 5 years old and on the autism spectrum. I get no help from my husband or the daughter who had him.
    My goal, to take my Grandson and my furbabies and say adios to those who do not care to help me out at this time in my life.
    My only worry, if I die who will love my autistic Grandson as much as I do??
    Well, I do have lots of friends, and believe and trust that G-d will find him another caregiver who will care for him like he was their own, G-d willing.
    Hopefully G-d has a plan, that will keep me around awhile to see my Grandson be able to care for himself.
    We need to trust G-d so we can worry less.
    I try to live in the moment day by day as my furbabies do, nothing like having them around for emotional support that I do not get from my immediate family.
    Enjoy your BIRTHDAY Honey!

    1. Hi Deborah, I replied on Ask Honey that will be up tomorrow. I did not use your name. You are anonymous. I hope you don’t mind. Thank you for your birthday wishes and please reach out to me again if you are in need. Where do you live? Warmly, Honey

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