How to stop feeling exhausted by family and friends

January 26, 2018 Published by
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I listened to a close friend tell me, “People can be exhausting.” When I heard her words, they echoed my thoughts of the past. That night as l laid in bed I thought about her comment concluding that it is not the number of people in one’s life that is exhausting but rather the negative actions of a few who consume your thoughts thus exhausting you. I am a people person to the max. I enjoy being kind to others and I enjoy people who are kind to me. This is not exhausting. It is exhilarating. Therefore, it is not the number of people in your life that exhausts you; it is the actions of a few unkind people that feel like an army of a million. Right, darlings?

I believe that kindness is the most positive essence of a person’s make up.  A kind person is affectionate, caring, considerate, helpful, understanding, charitable, and unselfish. A kind person has heart. Yes, she falters. There is no perfection. But, most importantly, there is no exhaustion.

So what do you do about unkind, exhausting people?

As I stated, I fully understand that relationships are imperfect. I try my hardest to overlook imperfections in the dynamics of my family. I also give the benefit of the doubt to people until I notice a pattern developing that I find exhausting. After all, shouldn’t we all establish a threshold of tolerance? My rule of thumb: when exhaustion in relationships takes precedence over contentment it is important to revisit the relationship and often times, pivot. In other words, darlings, take shelter from the storm.

Unfortunately, my darlings, everyone at one time or another is surprised by the actions of someone who professes kindness and then disappoints them with any number of actions from ambivalence to pettiness to the unexpected. I have lived through most of these actions until the day I figured out what was best for me. This is what every one of you should consider doing.

So, I confess I have had a share of disappointments. I confess that it took me time to realize the actions I was comfortable taking when confronted by unkind people. Not all of your actions will or should mirror mine.

As I have written the disappointment by others came later in my life. Lucky me, I guess. Oh! But how they burned. I finally learned my way of releasing myself from unpleasant people who exhausted me in one way or another. It may very well not be your way. And that is great. The important message: Find your way. That took trial and error because my father’s message was to  “always take the high road.” It proved difficult at times because there is a fine line between taking the high road and taking a stand. Taking a stand is difficult for me.  As my darling husband tells me, “Honey, you are not good on your feet in unpleasantness situations.” I know he is right. I cannot find the words and that leads to all types of problems.

So this is my way to stop feeling exhausted from people: I walk away.

I have made the ultimate decision that they do not mirror me. They will never mirror me. Their moral code of ethics, their soul that dictates their behavior will never mirror mine. After doing this I am lifted from emotional exhaustion, darlings and go about my merry way.

I believe it is important, especially since you are now women over 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 and older to believe in yourself and to love yourself so you are able to circle yourself with the right people, the people who mirror you. Your emotional exhaustion will turn into emotional exhilaration.

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13 Comments

  • Dorothy says:

    Honey, I am so happy I found your blog and inspirations.
    I enjoy your sharing of information, insight and your life’s
    lessons. I especially like the “exhaustion” blog. So many
    women tolerate negative/exhausting situations in life.

    I learned early on that I did not thrive in negative situations.
    I too walk away when possible. I of course tolerate family a
    bit more because I love my family and try to overlook any short-comings.
    But, there too I don’t give them my emotional energy. I merely give them
    my time. Thank you for sharing yourself.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      What a lovely message you left me. I am so glad you are reading my musings and I am happy for you that you ‘get it.’I am smiling. Warmly, Honey

  • Judi Kauffman says:

    This is a very important and timely discussion and I would be interested in seeing others comments. Sometimes you need to invest time is a relationship to realize your exhaustion from that person. I hope that I fit your description of kindness but I know that I must have exhausted my blessed friends from time to time. And what about being with my adult children? Did I offend them by wanting to help with the cleaning or praising my Grandson too much? Did these things even bother my Mother??? Thanks,Judi

  • Jo Trotter says:

    What if they live in the house with you? How can you handle that?

  • Jeanne says:

    Love reading your blog, Honey. You are thoughtful and inspirational. I wish you all the best! Keep it coming!

  • LuAnn says:

    Oh! Honey. I know that my two best friends of more than 50 years, are drawing strength from me. One fell and broke her are, had surgery and now going through therapy to maybe regain partial use of her hand. The other one, my sister by choice, is about to have major back surgery. I think right now they are probably psysic vampires. I am strong but things in my life, like my beloved husband no longer being able to walk are taking about all the strength I have. I think it helps to just unload a little bit. Thank you. You know I always love your posts and it is amazing how timely they are for so many of us.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      Oh, you are burdened to the max. I am glad you unburdened to me. Look on the bright side: you are not going to lose your friends. I ‘always’ try my very best to make sweet lemonade out of my lemons. Please try, too. Warmly, Honey

  • Sable says:

    LuAnn,,
    Just make sure that you take time for yourself every day, to replenish your source of energy. You sound very kind but we all can take only so much before we ourselves become exhausted, and then, we are not able to offer our sincere help to others. You said it helps to unload a bit, I do that too in the form of journaling. It truly helps to write down all my frustrations and in doing so, I release them.

    Honey, I had a friend who would constantly bombard me with all of her issues, and if they were “real” that would be overwhelming enough, but her’s were drama-made.. Many were just made up, and it was exhausting to hear all of her untruthful stories. I believe the reason behind these stories was her desire to feel important. Her calls became intrusive, entering a life that I work at to keep calm and running along smoothly. Although she had other good qualities, this just became too much and I had to end it.
    Sable.

  • HelenA says:

    The year I knew I would have surgery, chemo, and radiation, I had to ghost a friend. I did tell her that I could no longer tolerate her criticism and, over dinner one night, discussed three specific things that she harped on as my deficiencies. I spoke on the phone a couple of times shortly after that with her, very briefly. I was very relieved to have her out of my life that year. Granted, the brunt of this ghosting fell on a mutual friend we had, but that very critical person out of my life for 3 years now.

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