Last night over a delicious dinner of Chinese food, with close friends, my girlfriend asked me about another woman. I replied that I liked her. She went on to say she always sees her with “a gang of 60+ year old women.” My friend has a different lifestyle, a fabulous one, I might add and she thinks women, at our age running in cliques, joined at the hip, is puzzling. I don’t, though it is not my style. Oh! Don’t get me wrong. I am joined at the hip to several women. They don’t happen to be in a clique. To be one of my friends, however, they must mirror me. Not the opposite. I do not choose my friends that I have to learn to mirror. So clique or no clique, the point is: our closest friends should mirror us.
Here’s how friendship should feel
You and another woman meet. It’s like dating. Our friends should have “that certain something,” that certain chemistry that draws us to them. I call it the mirror effect. Don’t you agree? Your #1 priority should be about you…they should mirror you, you should not try and mirror them.
I do my best thinking in the shower and or late at night cuddled up to my best friend in the entire world, my husband. In the quiet of the night, my mind backtracked to the conversation with my friend. My first thought: My husband and I mirror one another. We are two peas in a pod. That is why we have a successful marriage. If I was stranded on a desert island there is no one I would rather be with than my ultimate concierge, Sheldon Good. He makes me complete. Of course if I got to add someone else I would take my dog, Orchid, my ‘wise’ friend.
This is what my husband’s and my conversation might sound like, remembering that every relationship, whether it is with a friend or spouse should be a blend of “sugar and spice,” the spice adding to the dimension of the relationships.
This is the sugar.
Him: “Do you want to go to this restaurant, tonight?
Him: “Do you like the color of my new socks?”
Me: “Love them.”
Him: “Would you like to stay at this hotel or that hotel in New York?”
Me: “I love them both. You decide.”
He: “Nice couple we met tonight.”
Me: “I agree. I will make another date.”
The spice is usually over intellectual conversations, favorite books, family decisions and, “Did you absolutely need another dress” otherwise known as spending money. I am smiling.
My thoughts then turned to my friends. They all have qualities that mirror mine. And yet they have ‘that spice,‘ that tickles my fancy and peaks my intellect. They are their own woman. Cliques don’t suit their style. They like to spread their wings. I like that because the spice is the added dimension that provides me with a joie de vivre.
I don’t think women can have ’that added spice’ in cliques because they are so insulated. Cliques remind me of sorority life. I loved my sorority at that stage of my life. Everything was the same. We dressed the same. We thought the same. We acted the same. We insulated one another. The sorority was our security. And, for many older women that is the path they continue to cherish; a perfect lifestyle at 50, 60, 70, 80+. In other words, there is no right or wrong.
THE ONLY WRONG: Do not try to change yourself for a friend. It will not work.
THE ONLY RIGHT: Let women in your life who “mirror” you.
That is how you will lead a rich and happy life with friends. Surround yourself with women who support your intellectual growth, who are positive influences, and who embody your values and your attributes. Choose women to be friends with who laugh and smile and brighten your day.
I am very grateful to my friends. They open up my mind and they open up their hearts. They fulfill me. They are all over the world and yet tucked into my heart. They are creative and lively, bright and they share. They are open, warm, insightful and delightful. I am proud to call them my real friends. You know who you are. I am sending kisses your way.
And to ‘my honey’s’ at Honeygood.com. We mirror one another. When I see your names pop up in a text, an email or hear your voice over the phone I feel lucky you are in my life and by my side.
And to all of my readers: Your comments and my replies have created a bond of friendship, through words. You have enhanced my life and I am so…grateful.
A continued happy holiday season to all.