Dating is tough, and it can take us a while to find love, even when we work hard at it. Throughout this process, it can be tempting to settle for anyone who will have us or lower our dating standards. In this article, we run through some of the reasons why you should avoid doing this.
When you’re looking for love — especially if you’ve been looking after the age of 50 — it’s easy to feel desperate and wonder if you should lower your expectations. Although it’s tempting to go along with whatever your date says to impress them — sure, you love to watch MMA fighting — don’t give up! While it may help you settle into a relationship faster, lowering your love standards isn’t a recipe for long-term happiness. In fact, it can have the opposite effect and make your dating track record worse. Here are some other ways that maintaining high standards can help when you’re looking for love!
Why Lowering Your Dating Standards Can Harm Rather Than Help Your Love Life
1. They Won’t Meet Your Long-Term Needs
No matter where you’re looking, love is all about meeting your long-term needs in a way that helps you feel happy and fulfilled. You might have the goal of starting a family or feel that you need someone who understands and respects your profession. However, dating is a challenge, and you will meet many people whose goals do not align with yours.
When you’ve been dating for a long time and wondering how to find love, it can be tempting to settle. After all, isn’t companionship more important than vague life goals? Well, the answer is no. The fuzzy, first stages of a relationship only last so long, and shared goals are the foundation that helps a relationship keep going. Even if it’s difficult to stay single, settling for someone who has no interest in helping you create the life you want will not bring long-term satisfaction.
2. You’ll Feel Like You Settled
Nobody wants to feel like they’ve settled for less than they deserve. Equally, no one wants to feel like their partner settled for them. Feeling second best in a relationship is extremely painful, and you don’t want to put your partner through that.
Settling for someone who you know you’re not compatible with will only set you up for a lifetime of yearning if you stay. You’ll always wonder what you could have had. Plus, you’ll have to deal with the guilt if you decide to leave and break your partner’s heart.
3. You Could End up Living a Lie
When you’re trying to find love it’s important to be honest from the start. If you go into a relationship pretending to be someone you’re not, you’ll be stuck maintaining this pretense as long as the relationship lasts. Ideally, love and relationship bonds are about intimacy. They allow us to be ourselves while being accepted by our partners truly. This is a wonderful thing and not something you should miss out on. If you truly want love and relationship happiness, be brave, and be yourself from the start. That way, whether it works out or not, you’ll always be doing yourself justice.
4. You’ll Dislike Yourself for It
Settling or pretending to be someone you’re not in a relationship with can have a devastating effect on your confidence. If you feel like you’re lying to your partner, this can make you feel guilty and ashamed. For example, if you’re a man looking for love and telling your partner you want a family when you don’t, this can leave you in a painful situation. You may feel like you’ve deceived your partner or yourself.
Besides this, if you settle for someone and they mistreat you or do not give you what you want, you could end up blaming yourself. Being desperate to settle for anyone can lead you to ignore red flags when dating. Be extremely careful with this because friends may lose sympathy for you if you do this repeatedly.
5. You Deserve Better
When it comes to love and dating, it’s vital to respect yourself and prioritize your own needs. Try and examine the reasons why you want a relationship in the first place. Is it because all your friends have one or because you feel like you should have one by a certain age? People in love often advise everyone else to find a partner too, but this doesn’t mean you should cave to pressure and rush into any relationship.
If you find that you want a relationship because of the love, emotional support, and shared partnership it provides, you should aim to get these things. Settling or lowering your dating standards or otherwise won’t get you this. It will only get you a pretense at love while not providing what you crave emotionally. You have to remember that you are worth more than this and that being single is better than being in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. While love can be a wonderful thing, it isn’t worth selling your dignity and integrity down the river.
Everyone’s Journey is Unique
No matter how or where you’re looking for love, remember that everyone’s journey is unique and that relationships don’t look the same for everybody. Don’t try to settle or rush to find love just to fit in with the crowd. Always honor yourself and your relationship goals when you date. If you’re struggling to meet people during the COVID-19 pandemic or find the right dating sites for you, online resources like datingmentor.org can help. When you have a loving attitude towards yourself, you will be better placed to deal with the hardships and joys of looking for love.
Did it take you a long time to find love? Are you still on your journey to a great relationship? Tell us your stories in the comments!
About the author: Patricia Jackson is a psychologist and relationship expert. She recently discovered her talent as a writer and is now sharing with people her experience and thoughts about love, relationships, and family. Patricia loves to spend her free time with her family, travel together, and develop her creative talents.
If you enjoyed this article on dating standards, please subscribe. Each daily story will be delivered straight to your inbox.