Dating is tough, and it can take us a while to find love, even when we work hard at it. Throughout this process, it can be tempting to settle for anyone who will have us or lower our dating standards. Many single people feel pressure from society to lower their standards or compromise on their must haves and non negotiable qualities, but it’s important to remember that having standards is a good thing. In this article, we run through some of the reasons why you should avoid doing this.

When you’re looking for love — especially if you’ve been looking after the age of 50 — it’s easy to feel desperate and wonder if you should lower your expectations. Some women and men may feel like they have to settle for a guy or woman who doesn’t meet their must haves or non negotiable standards, just to avoid being single. Although it’s tempting to go along with whatever your date says to impress them — sure, you love to watch MMA fighting — don’t give up! While it may help you settle into a relationship faster, lowering your love standards isn’t a recipe for long-term happiness. In fact, it can have the opposite effect and make your dating track record worse. Standards around sex and sexual compatibility are also important and should not be ignored, as intimacy and shared values play a significant role in relationship satisfaction. Here are some other ways that maintaining high standards can help when you’re looking for love!

Why Lowering Your Dating Standards Can Harm Rather Than Help Your Love Life

1. They Won’t Meet Your Long-Term Needs

No matter where you’re looking, love is all about meeting your long-term needs in a way that helps you feel happy and fulfilled. You might have the goal of starting a family or feel that you need someone who understands and respects your profession. However, dating is a challenge, and you will meet many people whose goals do not align with yours.

When you’ve been dating for a long time and wondering how to find love, it can be tempting to settle. After all, isn’t companionship more important than vague life goals? Well, the answer is no. The fuzzy, first stages of a relationship only last so long, and shared goals are the foundation that helps a relationship keep going. Even if it’s difficult to stay single, settling for someone who has no interest in helping you create the life you want will not bring long-term satisfaction.

2. You’ll Feel Like You Settled

Nobody wants to feel like they’ve settled for less than they deserve. Equally, no one wants to feel like their partner settled for them. Feeling second best in a relationship is extremely painful, and you don’t want to put your partner through that.

Settling for someone who you know you’re not compatible with will only set you up for a lifetime of yearning if you stay. You’ll always wonder what you could have had. Plus, you’ll have to deal with the guilt if you decide to leave and break your partner’s heart.

3. You Could End up Living a Lie

When you’re trying to find love it’s important to be honest from the start. If you go into a relationship pretending to be someone you’re not, you’ll be stuck maintaining this pretense as long as the relationship lasts. Ideally, love and relationship bonds are about intimacy. They allow us to be ourselves while being accepted by our partners truly. This is a wonderful thing and not something you should miss out on. If you truly want love and relationship happiness, be brave, and be yourself from the start. That way, whether it works out or not, you’ll always be doing yourself justice.

4. You’ll Dislike Yourself for It

Settling or pretending to be someone you’re not in a relationship with can have a devastating effect on your confidence. If you feel like you’re lying to your partner, this can make you feel guilty and ashamed. For example, if you’re a man looking for love and telling your partner you want a family when you don’t, this can leave you in a painful situation. You may feel like you’ve deceived your partner or yourself.

Besides this, if you settle for someone and they mistreat you or do not give you what you want, you could end up blaming yourself. Being desperate to settle for anyone can lead you to ignore red flags when dating. Be extremely careful with this because friends may lose sympathy for you if you do this repeatedly.

5. You Deserve Better

When it comes to love and dating, it’s vital to respect yourself and prioritize your own needs. Try and examine the reasons why you want a relationship in the first place. Is it because all your friends have one or because you feel like you should have one by a certain age? People in love often advise everyone else to find a partner too, but this doesn’t mean you should cave to pressure and rush into any relationship.

If you find that you want a relationship because of the love, emotional support, and shared partnership it provides, you should aim to get these things. Settling or lowering your dating standards or otherwise won’t get you this. It will only get you a pretense at love while not providing what you crave emotionally. You have to remember that you are worth more than this and that being single is better than being in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. While love can be a wonderful thing, it isn’t worth selling your dignity and integrity down the river.

Identifying Deal Breakers: Knowing What You Truly Can’t Compromise On

Navigating the dating world can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to figure out what really matters in a partner. One of the most empowering steps you can take is to identify your deal breakers—those non-negotiables that you simply can’t overlook in a relationship. Deal breakers are the qualities or behaviors that, if present, would make it impossible for you to build a healthy, lasting connection with someone.

It’s important to distinguish between deal breakers and preferences. Preferences are the “nice-to-haves”—maybe you’re drawn to someone with blue eyes or a shared love of hiking. But deal breakers go much deeper. They’re rooted in your core values, your mental health needs, and your vision for your life. For example, if honesty and respect are non-negotiables for you, it’s essential that your potential partners share those values. On the other hand, a partner’s taste in music or favorite cuisine might be something you’re willing to compromise on.

To identify your own deal breakers, take some time to reflect on your past relationships and what you’ve learned from them. Ask yourself: What qualities or behaviors have caused problems before? What red flags did you ignore that you wish you hadn’t? Maybe you’ve realized that you can’t be with someone who doesn’t want children, or that a lack of emotional intelligence is a deal breaker for you. Mental health, trust, and the way a person treats others are all important factors to consider.

Remember, your deal breakers are unique to you. What’s a deal breaker for one person might not matter to someone else. For example, some people may see a partner’s divorce history or having children as a deal breaker, while others are open to those possibilities. The key is to be honest with yourself about what you truly need in a relationship to feel safe, respected, and fulfilled.

Once you’ve identified your non-negotiables, don’t be afraid to talk about them openly with potential partners. Clear communication is essential in the dating world, whether you’re meeting someone through friends or on dating sites. By sharing your deal breakers early on, you set the stage for honest conversations and avoid wasting time on relationships that aren’t right for you.

As a writer and someone who’s seen many people struggle with this, I know it can feel daunting to stand firm on your deal breakers. But prioritizing your own needs and values is not only healthy—it’s necessary for building a relationship that truly supports your well-being. Don’t let pressure from the world or the fear of being single push you to settle. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and shares your vision for life.

In the end, identifying and honoring your deal breakers is a powerful act of self-respect. It helps you create space for the right connection to flourish and ensures that you’re building relationships based on honesty, trust, and genuine compatibility. Stay true to yourself, and remember: you never have to compromise on what truly matters.

Everyone’s Journey is Unique

No matter how or where you’re looking for love, remember that everyone’s journey is unique and that relationships don’t look the same for everybody. Single people often face unique challenges and societal expectations that can influence their dating standards. The difference in each person’s journey is what makes finding love a personal and meaningful experience. Don’t try to settle or rush to find love just to fit in with the crowd. Always honor yourself and your relationship goals when you date. If you’re struggling to meet people during the COVID-19 pandemic or find the right dating sites for you, online resources like datingmentor.org can help. When you have a loving attitude towards yourself, you will be better placed to deal with the hardships and joys of looking for love.

Did it take you a long time to find love? Are you still on your journey to a great relationship? Tell us your stories in the comments!

About the author: Patricia Jackson is a psychologist and relationship expert. She recently discovered her talent as a writer and is now sharing with people her experience and thoughts about love, relationships, and family. Patricia loves to spend her free time with her family, travel together, and develop her creative talents.