Our mind is our greatest blessing, though many of us take this gift for granted. It enables us to see, speak, feel the entire spectrum of emotion, to dream, to savor life’s flavors, and to live with purpose. It holds our memories, sparks our curiosity, and allows us to be aware and alive in the world. Its capacity is endless. I didn’t fully understand the beauty of the mind until I began living with my husband’s dementia… the slow, heartbreaking unraveling of memory and identity. For over two years, I have watched my Ultimate Concierge struggle and I have struggled too. Today, I’m sharing how I protect my peace, cultivate a positive mindset, and prioritize self-care during trying times.

Protecting My Peace

People often tell me, “You have to take care of yourself.” After hours of conscious and subconscious grief, I have discovered a truth I want to share with you: it all begins with your mindset.

At this very moment, I am carrying two profound emotional burdens. One is my husband’s illness. The other, devastating because it is unnatural, is my estrangement from an adult daughter and innocent grandchildren. Illness, while cruel, is a natural passage in life. Estrangement between mother and child is not. It is a storm of a different kind and one without forecast or explanation.

Yet, here I am. I chose to write about estrangement to bring this taboo topic into the light. I still believe it’s important. But I confess: writing about it leaves me paralyzed and it drains me. Unlike widowhood, cancer, or even financial hardship (obstacles I have faced and conquered) estrangement feels unconquerable and I have decided to protect my peace.

Control the Controllables

So, instead of focusing on what I cannot control, I will share what I can: how to live with joy and hope when adversity visits your doorstep. Because it will, especially for women over 50.

Let us begin with the question: What is a positive mindset?

To me, successful aging is not about hiding your age or erasing lines. It’s about how you think, how you love, and how you seek fulfillment. It’s about the quiet daily choices to adapt, accept, and give thanks for what remains, while never losing your zest for life.

My Husband’s Illness

Though I cannot reverse my husband’s dementia, I can be his caregiver in every possible way: his Florence Nightingale. I oversee his diet, his oxygen, his medications and ensure he’s surrounded by love and dignity. I give my time, my energy, my devotion. And in his eyes, I see gratitude. In his words, I hear, “I love you.” That is my comfort. That is my peace. This is how I adapt, accept, and express gratitude for our love.

Estrangement from My Daughter

My estrangement wound runs deeper. Some days, I am furious and some days I grieve. While other days, I surrender. The truth is, estrangement has cast a shadow over every single day of my life for years and so, I’ve made a decision: I must fill my life with purpose. I must create joy where there is none and I must live fully, even with the ache.

Hope is my fuel and some may call it silly, but I call it sacred. Without it, we lose our will. With hope, we have purpose and climb toward joy. I dream daily… yes, I still dream! One of my dreams is already in the works. The other? To live in Israel, to study the Torah, to be among my people. Will I go? I don’t know, but I allow myself the beauty of the dream.

My Daily Practice of Purpose

I believe women over 50 must keep moving: emotionally, mentally, and physically. I wake up early, make coffee, write in my condo in the sky, exercise, shower, put on my makeup and a lovely outfit (always!). Twice a week I drive to Pilates. It’s not about vanity. It’s about vitality. Focus is the secret to graceful aging.

I do not believe I am the most intelligent woman I know, but I am the most curious. Curiosity is my secret weapon because I read, I ask and I learn. Curiosity fills me up with purpose!

Friendship matters, too. My dear friends are scattered across America and even beyond the Pacific. The Good family lives in four different states. My birth family (except for one cherished grandson) does not acknowledge me. I know the sting of disconnection. Still, I value acquaintances of all ages and cultures. They bring color and dimension to my days. Community connection is key because it’s where we find belonging. It keeps our hearts beating in sync with others.

Aging Successfully With a Beautiful Mind

To age successfully, practice self-care and embrace resilience. That’s your beautiful mind at work because it is your willpower in motion. Self-care is not selfish, but rather sacred. Practice making this mind shift because many women see self-care as a luxury, not a necessity. 

Using our mind to practice free will give us the opportunity to choose acts of self-care. Self-care means saying yes to rest when you’re weary, nourishing your body with whole foods, moving your limbs in joyful ways, and creating space for quiet reflection. It’s walking in nature, connecting with women who see you, and tending to your emotional garden with kindness and boundaries. Even my Ultimate Concierge, while battling the debilitating symptoms of dementia, finds small but mighty ways to exert his will. We must choose ourselves each day, too.

Self-Care for Women Over 50

So, what is self-care? Psych Central describes it as:

“Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others.”

It made me wonder, why is self-care so easy to overlook? I think often, as a woman over 50, and as a woman in general, we tend to overlook our own care because we are so busy taking care of those around us. Especially if we have children or grandchildren.

I decided that it’s time we make time for our self-care routines. Either by reinventing them, or inventing them from scratch. They don’t have to be complicated or hard to follow, in fact, it can be as simple as taking a bath for twenty minutes, or ritualizing your daily skincare routine.

If you are still struggling for ideas, here are a few for you to add or include in your reinvented self-care routine:

1. Self-Care: Exercise Routine

Don’t let the word “exercise” scare you off. Now, you might be asking, “Honey? Why are you including exercise in self-care? Isn’t self-care supposed to be relaxing?” Well yes… and no! As we age, moving our bodies becomes even more important than before. Leading a sedentary lifestyle isn’t good for our bones or for our mental well-being.

In fact, exercise releases endorphins into the body, which make us feel good and can even give us a more positive outlook on life.

Easily incorporate daily exercise into your self-care routine by going for a walk, doing a simple stretching routine, trying out yoga, taking up boxing (one of my favorites) or maybe even join a local gym that has programs for people over 50. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy.

2. Self-Care: Routine Facials

One of my readers never had a facial until after she turned 30 and now she’s addicted. You know why? Because her skin has never looked better! Not only is she taking care of her beautiful features, but she feels better too.

Getting a facial isn’t just about beauty. It’s about taking care of yourself. The skin of your face can actually tell you how your eating, if your stressed and what is going on inside your body. Acne, stress lines, redness can all be indicators of what is going on inside of us.

Facials are a great addition to a self-care routine because they are relaxing and a perfect window of time for you to reflect and enjoy taking care of yourself and your skin. Are routine facials not in your budget? Do not worry! Create a skincare routine with any of these products I found and love. Do what you can to make yourself a priority.

3. Self-Care: Meditation

Meditation is a wonderful way to take care of your mental and physical health. Adding in a 5 to 10-minute meditation in the morning after you wake, or in the evening before you go to bed is a great way to begin. You don’t have to meditate for 30-minutes every day unless you want to. Start out simple and work your way up.

If you find it hard to sit still as I do, use a meditation app or video on YouTube to help. Guided meditations are a great way for beginners to ease their way into quiet time.

4. Self-Care: Prioritize Reading Time

Do you love reading? I love it, and to me, it’s one of the best ways to wind down after a long day and transport myself into another world or learn something new. Reading helps me calm down, expand my mind, and harness creativity.

Here are some of my favorite books that I’ve enjoyed and highly recommend. What are some of your favorites?

5. Self-Care: Treat Yourself To What You Love

Self-care is all about treating yourself to doing something you love and taking time to enjoy it. No matter what that is, your self-care is a gift to yourself. Remember, self-care is to help your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. There are no rules to self-care. Here are a few more self-care ideas you may enjoy:

• Painting your own nails or getting a manicure
• Getting a massage
• Going for a walk in nature
• Biking or hiking through a nature preserve
• Getting your haircut
• Laying out by the pool
• Making a nice dinner for yourself with a good glass of wine
• Taking an art class or craft class
• Playing a game you love
• Horseback riding at a local stable

Whatever you choose to do, darlings, do it because you want to, never because you feel you have to.

Never Lose Your Zest for Life

To all women over 50: Adapt, accept, express gratitude, live in the present, live a purposeful life, focus on self-care, keep going, stay curious, nurture close relationships and never lose our zest for life. All this is possible with the great and glorious power of our minds.

Amen. Amen.