Father’s Day is a time wrapped in tenderness and reflection. For some, it’s a day filled with laughter, cards, and cherished memories shared with fathers and grandfathers. For others, it may be full of longing with the absence of a father who has passed or the ache of distance. No matter how you are walking through this day, I want you to know you are not alone. I send you love, understanding, and a gentle reminder that grief and gratitude can coexist.

“My father was a gentle man and a gentleman; a man who always took the high road.” ~ Honey Good

Today, my heart swells with memories of my father, Roy Lang. He was a gentle man and a true gentleman. His voice still echoes within me: “Take the high road in all that you do and all that you say.” These simple words, spoken often and lived always, are the greatest gift he left me. The joy and feeling I experienced when reflecting on my father, especially recalling the first time I truly realized the depth of his influence, is something I carry with me always. Today, I write with him in mind, surrounded by keepsake tokens of love that remind me not only of who he was, but of who I strive to be because of him.

On this Father’s Day, whether you are holding your father’s hand or his memory, I hope you take a moment to reflect on the legacy he left behind. If that legacy is complicated, or your heart is heavy from loss of any kind, may you find comfort in knowing that we all carry pieces of our fathers within us, in our values, our stories, and the lessons we choose to live by. This story, dear readers, is my tribute to mine—a tribute inspired by the feeling of joy and awe that comes from remembering the first time I recognized my father’s impact on my life.

Personal Keepsakes from My Own Father

Darlings, we all have personal keepsakes in our homes. They bring to our minds those we love. I have keepsakes from my grandmothers, my mother, my daughters, my grandchildren, my friends, my housekeepers and of course, my husband, and my father. For example, I have my dad’s old watch and a handwritten letter, both closely related to cherished moments we shared together. One in particular brings back memories of lessons from my father but more on that in a second.

Today my thoughts are consumed with one word: Father. I cannot stop thinking of this wonderful father of mine. I think of my many keepsakes from him and the happy memories behind them as they surround me in  our condo in the sky. These keepsakes have defined my relationship with my dad over the years, serving as constant reminders of his love and guidance.

My father passed away almost 12 years ago. As I write down my thoughts, darlings, I purposely put my fingers to the keys in the room where this very special keepsake sits, my Three Monkeys. Here No Evil. See No Evil. Speak No Evil.

My Father’s Advice

Most of you reading my Sunday Story have lost your fathers. Many of you have suffered others types of loss as well. As I sit looking out upon Lake Michigan in our condo in the sky on the 71st floor, my thoughts go back in time as I pretend my father is seated next to me. I ask him to guide me through the weight of loss. I tell him how deeply I miss him and Mom, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and the aching estrangement I endure from my adult daughters and all but one grandchild. The hurt from this separation is sometimes overwhelming, leaving a lasting ache in my heart. I remind myself not to make the assumption that just because someone is absent, it means they do not care or lack interest in my well-being.

Then I consider his answer: an answer I will pass on to you regarding all types of loss.

On Adult Daughter Estrangement

He would tell me that I have the ability to turn loss into something that is beautiful and resilient. He would remind me that success in healing not only transforms my own life, but can also positively impact my future children’s lives by fostering resilience and well-being. Reflecting on my father’s role in raising me, I realize how his guidance shaped my approach to adversity and personal growth. He would explain that I have to go through the hardship of personal adversity to heal from my wounds. Only then would I reframe and find meaning in life.

On Death of a Loved One

He would remind me of a truth I already carry in my heart: “Nothing is forever.” Then I whisper to myself, “Such sorrowful words when someone we love and honor is taken from us.” Finally, the absence of my father continues to shape my life, leaving a lasting impact that never truly fades.

To give myself peace, I light a candle for my father on Father’s Day, his birthday, on my parent’s anniversary and other occasions. I keep his pen set, the monkeys and a zodiac crystal paper weight I gave him on one of his birthdays on my desk. Most importantly, I keep his messages, his greatest gift to me, in my head… My father always sought to protect his family, making sure we felt safe and cared for. I remember us eating together at the dinner table, sharing stories and laughter. As a daughter of a son who valued family above all, these memories are precious. Speaking with a therapist can also help process the grief and loss that comes with remembering a loved one.

“Take the high road in all that you do and all that you say.”

Lessons from My Father on Fatherhood

The Three Wise Monkeys sit quietly on my desk, their tiny hands covering their ears, eyes, and mouth. Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil. Their message is timeless and powerful, and to me, they embody the very essence of my father.

Naturally, over the course of his 98 years, my father saw and heard his share of the world’s darkness. But he possessed a steadfast moral compass, and I can say with conviction, I never once heard him speak ill of another. He always chose the high road.

I don’t place him on a pedestal or paint him as someone he wasn’t. Those who knew this wonderful man would echo my every word. My parents were my greatest role models. While mothers are often seen as the primary caregivers, my father’s role was equally vital in shaping my upbringing, providing a balance of nurturing and guidance. Other males in my life, such as uncles and teachers, also offered positive examples of character and support. My father’s approach to fathering was marked by patience, wisdom, and a deep sense of responsibility, which profoundly shaped who I am today. Living through nearly a century, spanning almost a decade shy of a hundred years, he accumulated wisdom that he generously shared with our family. He was the founder of many cherished family traditions that continue to bring us together. In my country, fatherhood is highly valued, though I know that in other countries, the roles and expectations of dads can differ greatly. Unlike some animal species where males may even kill offspring that are not their own, human fathers like mine demonstrate care and commitment. I remember stories from when I was a baby—how my father would comfort me during the scary nights, showing that even the earliest days of parenting can be filled with both fear and love. Dads play an essential role in the lives of their kids, and the bonds they form are crucial for a child’s growth and happiness.

Responsibilities of a Father

The journey of fatherhood is one of life’s most profound callings—a role that shapes not only the lives of our children, but the very fabric of our families and society. As a male parent, a father’s responsibilities are as varied as they are vital, touching every stage of a child’s development and well-being. Whether married or navigating the complexities of parental separation, fathers are called to be a steady presence, a source of support, and a guiding light for their offspring.

At its heart, fatherhood is about creating an environment where children feel safe, loved, and valued. The national center for fathers reminds us that when fathers are involved, children thrive: they do better in school, build stronger relationships with peers, and develop a sense of identity and self-worth that carries them through life’s challenges. The importance of a father’s involvement cannot be overstated—whether it’s helping with homework, sharing a meal, or simply being present to listen and encourage.

Of course, the responsibilities of a father extend beyond the emotional. Providing for the family’s well-being—ensuring there is food on the table, a roof overhead, and opportunities for growth—is a daily act of love and commitment. Even in times of parental separation, a devoted father finds ways to remain involved, attending school events, offering support, and teaching by example. These moments, big and small, become the building blocks of a child’s sense of security and belonging.

But perhaps the most lasting legacy a father can offer is the gift of values. Through their actions, fathers teach their children about responsibility, kindness, and resilience. They show, by example, how to navigate the world with integrity and respect for others. Whether volunteering together, sharing stories from their own lives, or simply modeling honesty and hard work, fathers help shape the character of the next generation.

Life, however, is not always straightforward. There are times when a father may not be present—due to loss, distance, or circumstances beyond anyone’s control. In these moments, other male figures—grandparents, uncles, or even close family friends—often step in to offer guidance and support. Their involvement, too, is a testament to the power of community and the importance of nurturing every child’s well-being.

As a society, we must recognize the vital role fathers play in the lives of their children and offer support for their journey. Parenting is not a solitary endeavor; it is a shared responsibility that benefits from encouragement, resources, and understanding. By honoring the responsibilities of fathers and supporting them in their role, we help ensure that every child has the opportunity to grow up surrounded by love, guidance, and hope.

In the end, the responsibilities of a father are woven into the everyday moments—the laughter at the dinner table, the lessons learned after a scraped knee, the quiet reassurance before a big test. These are the instances that define fatherhood, shaping not only the lives of our children, but the story of our families for decades to come.

The High Road

Taking the high road, darlings, is never the easy choice, but it is always the right one.

It means choosing integrity over impulse, especially when you’ve been wronged. You can choose the low road and seek revenge, or you can rise above it: forgive, walk away, or simply refuse to let it poison your spirit. I’ve learned that letting go of personal anger is one of the kindest things you can do for your soul.

My father, always, without exception, took the high road. How blessed my children and grandchildren were to have a grandfather and great-grandfather like Roy Lang. And how blessed I was, born under a lucky star, to have a father whose character left such a powerful, lasting imprint on my life.

I am an estranged mother from my adult daughters. My grandchildren, innocent bystanders, have also been swept into that distance. I know with every fiber of my being: if my father were still here, he would have calmed those troubled waters and all would be well.

Honoring My Father

I can never let Father’s Day pass without honoring the man who shaped so much of who I am. He taught me to respect my actions, to know who I am, and to consider how I want to represent myself in this world.

He instilled in me genuine, time-honored values. “Have a high moral compass. This will be your code of ethics to follow all the days of your life.” He was proud of his Jewish heritage and a deeply charitable man, “Be proud that you are a Jewish woman. Be charitable. Pass on your Jewish heritage to your children and grandchildren,” he said.

His love for my mother was beyond, beyond, my darlings! In matters of the heart, his advice was always clear: “Put your husband above all. He should be your dearest confidant, lover and best friend.”

He dreamed of owning a farm and living as a gentleman farmer. He would always say, “Love nature. Love the feel of the grass beneath your feet.” He treasured family deeply, reminding me often, “Make sure your family comes first.” As a mother and grandmother estranged from my adult daughters, this is a truth that brings both comfort and daily heartache.

Through his actions, he also taught me the importance of self-care. He was a runner, a golfer, an avid reader of educational books, and an artful shopper with a curious spirit.

Above all, my father was a grateful and honorable man. I carry his wisdom with me, always. I count my blessings, because I have my father’s teachings forever etched in my heart. Amen. Amen.