Man’s Inhumanity to His Fellow Man
As I am sitting at my computer on a beautiful summer day in my beautiful Chicago, I know myself; therefore, I turn on the music instead of the news.
When I turn on the news I feel depressed because I am frightened by the constant discord taking place in the United States.
What bothers me to the point of despair is man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. There is no civility left amongst its leaders and citizens. To watch an older American couple in their 60’s in St. Louis feel so threatened by protesters that they felt compelled to come out of their home with armed rifles for fear of their lives and the possibility of having their home burned down was beyond my comprehension.
I sit here in tears because I no longer put any trust in mankind with the exception of my husband and my family. And, I am so disheartened that I never will again feel this trust. My guard is up and that is so very sad because I have always put my trust in others. Of course, I have been disappointed by certain people’s actions but I go my merry way and leave them in the dust. This is different and I feel certain there are other Americans who feel as I do.
This musing concerns man’s awful inhumanity to his fellow man. It is beyond politics. It is about all mankind.
I told my husband I will move away if I have to live in a society filled with hate…
“Where?” he asks.
I don’t answer, but I know…
Warmly & in sadness,
Ask Honey – Advice For Every Woman
July 2, 2020
Hello! I just read your article, “Finding Your Passion After 50” and it was light and uplifting and I thank you!
I, myself, am 53-years-old and recently resigned from working as an art teacher in an inner-city public school for only 5 years. Something I worked long and hard to achieve but found little satisfaction in the career. Burnt out and realizing that after waiting 20 years to enter my profession (was a stay at home mom) I was left disappointed and unmotivated.
I entered the teaching profession in art because I was originally a fine art major – turned art educator for traditional practicality… that was then. This is now and I’m in a tailspin realizing I may have made a mistake.
I want to find my passion in the greatest way and don’t know how to do it. I feel that my age is against me, and I’m unsure of which step to take to find it.
Do you have any suggestions for direction?
There are no mistakes unless you see them as a mistake. I take a different approach and I see my mistakes as my opportunities. You had the fortitude and wisdom to resign from a teaching career because you were unhappy. Now you have a golden chance to look to your future.
Pursuing new things takes a lot of positive energy and strength. You have a lifetime ahead of you so look forward, not backward. Your age is just a number; it is how you feel that counts. Yes, it is very tiring to make new things happen but it will be well worth it. Trust me, I know. Your quest to find a new purpose will take thought and persistence.
It does not seem that fear of trying something new will stop you from looking for a new purpose. If I am incorrect, please don’t let it. Take a mental note from Nike… Just do it!
You have a degree in art. There are so many opportunities in the art field. Take one little step at a time and explore different opportunities. Stop thinking and start doing. And, listen to your heart because it is the best tool you have to find a new purpose.
If you want to stay in the art world examine your opportunities. There are hundreds. You could work in a beautiful bakery and be their designer of gorgeous wedding cakes and birthday cakes. How fun. You could become a docent in a museum, opening the eyes of others to the wonderful world of art. How productive. You could work in an art gallery or get into graphic design.
I have given you some food for thought. Now, don’t spend too much time anymore thinking you are too old or if you made a mistake and go out there and DO.
I am looking for a Christian partner. What can I do in times of Coronavirus and quarantine? I am looking for a serious relationship, for a believer in God, goals for a family, with a college degree, and to have no big problems. Now, I am living in South America. I am a woman, lawyer, God’s believer, and follower of Jesus. As well, I am 64, and with a lot of interests in life. I am also interested in helping the poor. Thank you, Honey, for your possible help.
Use the Coronavirus to your advantage even though there are challenges. Most women over fifty, myself included, are not as astute with technology. I am assuming you are savvy enough (because you are a lawyer) to handle the assignment I am going to give you.
You should use technology to your advantage. Enroll in the top three dating services for men and women over 50. You can ask Google to help you. Do it today. Don’t think about it, just do it. You will meet men. Read my answers to last week’s Ask Honey as well by clicking here. I put in some great online dating resources.
Now what? You can converse online! Video chats are a great way to meet men. There is FaceTime on your phone, Facebook messenger, Skype, and Zoom on your computer.
Actually, I think video chats are a better way of a first meet-up. If you are uncomfortable on the video call it is easier to disconnect yourself online than spending an uncomfortable evening out.
You can also join online couple’s groups. And, I am sure you can join a food bank organization. Go to YouTube and look for mixed groups and food companies or other types of companies that offer help to the poor.
You may not meet your prince but you are giving yourself an opportunity to make new friends and who knows what may happen. Someone may have a friend they would like you to meet. I call that serendipity.
You may not enjoy the first mixed group you join, so join another group, etc…
If you are not computer savvy there are online courses to take. I may be throwing challenges your way but I am giving you food for thought. We have to try very hard to fulfill our dreams when our life does not go our way. In the world of COVID-19, we have to try harder!
My daughter is estranged from my life. We had a disagreement years ago, I won’t say what it is, but honestly looking back on it, it was silly.
With the world the way it is, I want to reach out to her and make amends, but I’m afraid to do it.
Do you have any words to give me?
Fear is the number one reason women stop in their tracks and don’t pass GO. We let fear stand in the way of action because we are afraid to make a mistake or take a chance.
I understand how you feel. You want to be accepted not rejected. And, there is a chance you might be rejected. But, there is a chance you will be accepted. So, it seems clear to me that you should follow your heart and not let fear stop you. Your heart is your feelings and it is telling you to try.
You have not spoken in years so have realistic expectations. I don’t know how you plan to reconnect but I would start with a short note. There are a few things to keep in mind. It would be unwise to lecture her, bring up the past, or tell her how hurt you were. Instead, start with a sincere apology. I would tell my daughter that I wished I had offered an apology years ago and I am sorry I failed to do this sooner. This type of note is heartfelt and empathic and entirely about her. Remember, you have separate realities. I feel it is your responsibility as a mother to put her realities, first. I think you do, too.
I am a 57-year-old wife, mom, grandmother… and I have no idea what I want to do with my next chapter.
I have spent most of my life allowing others to define me; Director of Sales, Mom, Booster President, Wife, etc. and while I love these labels and truly enjoyed what I did, they are only that; labels.
I’ve worked in a corporate environment for most of my career but the travel became too much for me and I resigned. Best decision? Worst decision? It was 5-years-ago and I’m still unsure. I want to work, I want to be productive, but I have no idea what I want to spend my precious time on. What is my passion, you ask? Therein lies the issue. I seriously have no idea.
What would your advice be to someone who, at 57 feels lost in her own life?
I would advise you to stop feeling lost! You will solve this, Linda. Let’s begin by reminding yourself how fortunate you are to be married, have children, grandchildren, and had quite a great career.
You want to make new life choices, but it appears after you retired you fell into a five-year-slump. Five years later you are still wondering if you should have retired and are wondering what to do. It is time to live in the present and not in the past.
Enthusiasm overcomes apathy. I recommend starting each day with gratitude for all your blessings. That will begin your day in a positive way.
Living in the past and fear of the unknown will always work against you. It is time to toss those two words out of your daily thinking and sit down with some soothing music and a hot cup of tea or coffee and chart your course by becoming your own analyst.
Ask yourself questions such as, “Do you want to work for money? Do you want to volunteer? Do you want to work full time? Or do you want to explore ideas you have thought about but because of family and career you did not have time?” If you were to wish upon a star what would be your dream day? Even if it is unrealistic write it down.
It is time for you to problem-solve. This will be exciting if you keep calm, use your head, and don’t become overwhelmed. Problems always are mired in confusion. You should try and defuse yours by writing down every facet of your present life situation. For example, I am afraid to start afresh. I drain any positive energy thinking of the past and what I should have done. My children will need me and I will feel guilt-ridden saying, no. My husband does not want me to work, etc.
In other words, you are self-analyzing why you have been paralyzed over the past five years. Until you accept the cause(s) it will be impossible to move on.
I think you know the reason(s.) You are 56-years-old and it is time for you to bloom. It is time to think about yourself. No, you are not selfish. You are selfish if you don’t because your unhappiness spreads to those you love.
Keep me posted.
Thank you for all your wonderful questions. And, I hope you got something from my answers. I am smiling!
We are all GRANDWOMEN with Moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.