I personally believe that giving a compliment is as uplifting to the person giving the compliment as it is to the person receiving it. But I have been proven wrong; though in my mind giving a compliment serves a real purpose to both parties. I will explain why some women do not like compliments further down in this story.
In my mind, the power of the compliment is a win-win for all. The definition of a compliment: A woman who brightens up another woman’s day. A compliment also reinforces her feeling of empowerment and confidence.
The desire to raise positive emotional feelings within another person is a noble act. A compliment also serves both parties as and can be a means of starting a new relationship.
Are you the type of woman who acknowledges and flatters another woman for her accomplishment, attitude or style? Do you enjoy receiving compliments? Or are you a woman who prefers not to receive or give a compliment?
WHY SOME WOMEN CANNOT ENJOY A COMPLIMENT
I love learning. I am so curious about everything though I must admit I never dreamed I would have the need to learn about compliments! But I did and am so glad.
I discussed the act of giving compliments with four women, while they were at our home. Our home is never quiet. People are coming and going all day and some of the people stay all day. It is for this reason, my Ultimate Concierge and I block out our weekend days for each other. Do you do that?
I asked each of them privately if they enjoyed giving and getting compliments. Three of the women said, yes with an exclamation mark! The other woman responded as decidedly, but her answer was different. “I only like to get compliments from women I know well, look up to, and can trust,” she said, adding, “I only give a compliment if I know a person well.” “Interesting,” I thought.
One of the women who loves to give and get compliments told me that she grew up in a three-story flat. Her family lived on the first floor. Her grandmother on the second and her aunt and her family on the third. They were a loving family and handed out compliments. She went on to tell me that a few of her close friends get upset with her when she gives them compliments! I asked her why.
Here is her reply: “My friends tell me they do not believe in themselves. Therefore, they think I am not authentic with my compliments or balanced. That I saw everything through rose-colored glasses. But after a time and after meeting my family they acknowledged that they did not come from a family like mine. They did not have loving parents or many siblings. And, my compliments actually helped them realize they were far more worthy than they thought!”
My days flow into one another. I am so busy I am dizzy with so much going. I am remiss and don’t allow myself time to smell the flowers or reflect on personal situations.
A week ago Wednesday I had time to reflect on personal situations. Because it was the day I wound up in the emergency room for five hours waiting for a CT scan of my brain.
I am thinking about the events of that day as I write this story on the compliment. And, dear reader, I realized that giving and getting compliments is a part of every person’s day. Whether they like them or not!
TIDBITS ON COMPLIMENTARY CONVERSATIONS
4:00 am: I tell my pooch, America, as I hug him close to me, “I love you America. You are so handsome.” His complimentary responses were kisses and a waggy tail.
7:30 am: First words to my ultimate concierge in the morning “Love you, Shelly. I am so glad you are my husband.” His response —“I feel the same way.”
8:00 am: I tell my pilates instructor, “I look so forward to my class with you. When I leave I feel like I own the world.” Her response — “I enjoy our time together and I love the scent of your perfume.”
9:30 am: “ Lookin good, Mrs. Good!” My doorman as I come home from my class. My response —“ Thank you, Gilroy, How nice of you.”
10:00 am: My dermatologist —“ I am not feeling your normal upbeat attitude.” This was a left-handed compliment that made me feel immediately better. I cannot recall my response.
5:00 pm: I was walking back with a young nurse from the CTscan department. Out of the blue, she said, “I want to look like you when I am your age.” She took my breath away with the compliment, it must be said! I did not know how to respond other than with a big smile, a thank you and I recall saying, “How sweet of you.”
6:00 pm: In the foyer of our building from an acquaintance, “Can I call you. I need some advice.” My reply, “I would be flattered by your call. Please do.”
6:05 pm: This came out of the blue from one of our concierges, “I like your hair, Mrs. Good.” I was shocked but it was an ‘upper.’ I replied with thanks. And, tongue in cheek, I replied, “I like your hairstyle, too!”
MY MOTHER MODELED THE “RIGHT WAY”
That evening we met my mother for dinner. She is 100 years old and though, so beautiful, she is failing. She is tired and not communicating very well. I miss her advice, sense of humor, and her ability to converse.
That night, at dinner, I put my hand in hers and squeezed her hand gently. I told her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. Also, how much I owe her for showing me the right way to lead an upstanding life. She squeezed my hand back and said, “Holding your hand in mine is all I need.” Mother and daughter complIments.
For those of you who have a problem accepting a compliment, open yourself to accepting one. Think about what that person thought about you and if your heart tells you to trust her, do so. Her compliment will build your self-confidence and you will become more aware of your attributes. This will be an eye-opening experience. I learned the compliment is a far more useful positive tool than I realized. Gee, I am glad I am curious!
I am left with the impression that compliments are lovely daily events in all of our lives. We get them. We give them! How special is that?
The compliment is so positive and uplifting. I believe that spreading your positive vibes to others with your positive words and actions is the only way to real happiness.
Another reason that a compliment is important is because it creates a domino effect. When you make someone feel wonderful they want to make you feel special and others special too.
The compliment opens so many new doors. It is not self-serving and must be authentic. Here is an example of how I won a company over. I wanted to represent a brand and be their influencer. They informed my salesperson HG was in the running.
I truly wanted to represent them. I believed in their cause so I wrote them a personal note on my HG stationary. My note told the CEO a true story. It was authentic. My salesperson won the account. Would I have gotten it anyway? Questionable. My true story, my compliments within the story about their product. And the fact that I took time out of my day to write to them was a compliment.
A woman who gives compliments is a role model. She has superior qualities when she can give a compliment to another woman. Particularly to a woman who may be funnier, more popular, smarter, or prettier. You are not less than she is, you are an empowered and enlightened woman.
MANY FORMS OF COMPLIMENTS
There are many ways to deliver a compliment. Words, notes, a smile, small gestures, gifts from the heart, and going out of your way, too.
I know we all get caught up in our own stuff. It is natural. But do take your time to give compliments.
Compliments come in the messaging. My Ultimate Concierge broke his wrist and I suffered a concussion when we fell. We were walking down the street on a bright and sunny day, holding hands and thought a sheet of ice was water.
There was an outpouring of friends showing their compassion with phone calls, emails, notes, and small presents. Also from my private Facebook Group, GRANDwomen with Moxie, such lovely messages. In my way of thinking, everyone’s thoughtfulness is a compliment. I answered every one with a reply or thank you note showing my appreciation. My response was to compliment them for caring.
On the flip side of the coin, I asked one of my friends how she knew we had an accident. She told me one of our mutual friends told her. That mutual friend did not call me.
EVERY WOMAN HAS HER STORY
Every woman you meet has her story and we aren’t privy to their personal feelings. I think most women do the best they can. As for me, I tend to give women the benefit of the doubt because every one of us has imperfections.
I was made aware by a friend of mine that there are women who don’t like receiving compliments. This is perplexing.
A woman’s capability of showing she cares for her friends and family starts within her. She must first treat herself as she would her family or friend. It is empowering and enlightening and a good feeling to give tribute to yourself. It is not a selfish motive. Give yourself credit with a compliment.
The next step: express more compassion with a compliment to your friends and family. A little thoughtfulness with compliments will go a very long way.