I love the month of May, defining it as the ‘month of rebirth’ because I notice the flowers bursting out in color, the grass turning a vibrant green, and the limbs of the trees disappearing as new fresh leaves burst out in bloom.
It is also nice to see the hired window dresser changing the store’s front windows by shedding the mannequin’s dark winter outfits for summer’s vibrant fashions. I am divinely happy as I stroll down Michigan Avenue, wearing my new bright spring nail polish and newly purchased red lipstick!
A Turn for the Worst
And then one day later, in the merry month of May, I am faced head-on with an unexpected confrontation and altercation that came out of nowhere. I am caught off guard and emotionally wounded. No longer feel merry, I feel a mix of sadness and profound anger.
I knew in my heart and mind how to handle the confrontation but my emotions overcame me, and I allowed myself to lose control, not with harsh words but by my actions.
I asked myself, “Why did I let this happen? Why did I allow myself to fall into the trap of using poor judgment?”
I had the intellectual knowledge, darlings, to know what to do… but I lacked the skills to stop myself.
Have You Been There, Darlings?
I know my words ring a bell with you because we all fall into this trap. Our emotions override our intelligence.
And then serendipitously, on my birthday, I received my number one birthday present of 2018.
I attended to a birthday lunch. Over a delicious meal and conversation, my very close friend, Gail, a coach and consultant, educated me on the skills I needed to handle the issue of unexpected confrontation or altercation. I carried home, in my head, her birthday gift… a tutorial.
Now I Will Share With You!
Gail explained, “When a person is confronted with an unexpected confrontation (a hostile or argumentative situation) or altercation (a noisy argument or disagreement in public) her emotional state goes into a negative mode that lacks clear thinking.”
She went on, “This problem is so relevant to our well being that life coaches teach a course on confrontation and altercations. It is called: The Three Rs.”
The Three Rs
We must RESIST our temptation to retaliate when confronted. Why? We want to avoid moving into phase 2, resentment, and phase 3, revenge. Resistance takes a person to use her clear thinking.
When you are confronted, RESIST; take a deep breath and think.
Imagine the doom and gloom you will face when you are unable to RESIST the temptation to strike back. The consequences are significant and not worth an outburst on your part.
The three Rs course teaches us to avoid, at all costs, moving into resentment and revenge. So when confronted, remember the word RESISTANCE.
It is a big challenge, darlings. We won’t succeed 100%. But try. Do try. So will I.
I must thank Gail, who owns The Gail Connection, for her wisdom.
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