I am wondering if you feel as I do.

The story you are about to read concerns our new imposed lifestyle in, Elsewhere. Oh, how I wish the normalcy of the old days would return to you, your families, and my family.  I don’t think I am asking too much. The one positive effect Elsewhere has had on me is the ability to learn the joy of knowing when to say no and yes.

The Joys of Saying No and Yes

When I say no, I say it is because my inner voice is giving me the authority. My aim is never to be confrontational or hurtful. It is not my mantra. I also don’t want to have misgivings if I say yes, when I know I want to say, no!  And, the last thing I want to do is make the other person feel uncomfortable. I have listened to enough talk in Elsewhere.

Dear reader of mine, there are ways to say no that are firm but not hurtful.  For example, “I would love to help you, but I am committed elsewhere.” I am smiling. Learning to say no in a guilt free way is essential for self-care and building authentic relationships.

Don’t stop pleasing, dear reader.  I am a pleaser, too, because I like pleasing others. We should all enjoy giving 50% and even 100% but first, we must be true to our feelings. People pleasing putting others ahead can put us on the chopping block, risking our self-esteem and personal boundaries. The need runs rampant in our society, leading many to over-achieving behaviors in school or work just to gain approval or avoid conflict.

We should luxuriate in joy when we say no in a lady-like manner. It is an empowering feeling to live our lives on our terms. Elsewhere awoke this feeling within me when I saw strong mothers take a stand in their schools. They exhibited confidence. They stepped up to the plate. They said enough is enough.

A woman 50+ has so much knowledge in her learned arsenal to take positions in a correct manner.

Though, the past few years have had a serious negative effect on my attitude I think there are always positive awakenings when one is faced with adversity.

Yes, the outside environment surrounding me in my beautiful Chicago is filled with lawlessness, and the inside of our home, when the television is on, sends out daily alarms in caustic tones of voices of people I once respected. And, there are the masks that hide smiles, the injections we are not sure we need or, for that matter, are safe. And the closing of cities and countries at a moment’s notice, and so on. This has created a lethargy in all American citizens but also a newfound spirit, to say no. I suppose I should only speak for myself when I say, “I have become a more empowered woman because of Elsewhere.”

Introduction to Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to nurture your mental and physical health and create the life you truly want. Healthy boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships, allowing us to connect with others while still honoring our own needs and desires. When we establish healthier boundaries, we protect ourselves from the frustrating and destructive patterns that often come from people pleasing and putting others ahead of ourselves.

Many of us fall into the habit of people pleasing, believing that saying yes to everyone will lead to more love and acceptance. In reality, this pattern can leave us feeling depleted, invisible, and disconnected from our authentic self. Over time, the constant pressure to please others can erode our self esteem and trap us in cycles of emotional baggage and destructive patterns, making it difficult to form more intimate relationships or enjoy a truly joyful life.

Natalie Lue, a leading voice on boundaries and self-worth, reminds us that reclaiming boundaries and saying no to people pleasing is essential for breaking free from these cycles. By setting boundaries, we give ourselves permission to prioritize our own well-being, heal from the past, and step into a more empowered, authentic version of ourselves. When we honor our mental and emotional limits, we not only protect our physical health, but also open the door to more fulfilling, intimate relationships and a life filled with genuine joy.

THE PROBLEM OF PEOPLE PLEASING

If you’ve ever found yourself saying yes when your heart whispered no, you’re not alone. People pleasing is rampant in our society, often beginning in childhood when we learn to be the Good Girl or Guy, the Overachiever, or the Helper. These roles teach us to put others ahead of ourselves, hoping to avoid conflict or gain approval. Over time, this pleasing style and habit can lead us into frustrating and destructive patterns that chip away at our mental and physical health.

When we constantly say yes out of obligation, we end up stuck in toxic patterns—feeling resentful, exhausted, and sometimes even invisible. The inability to set healthy boundaries means we save the word “no” for only the most dire emergency situations, and even then, we may feel guilty for using it. This cycle leads to more problems, not fewer, and can damage our self esteem, our physical health, and our most intimate relationships. These people pleasing behaviors can also lead to physical health issues due to chronic stress, as pushing past our own limits takes a toll on our bodies.

Establishing healthier boundaries is essential for moving forward and creating more authentic, joyful lives. Learning to set boundaries is a crucial step in overcoming people pleasing. Setting boundaries in such a way that honors our needs allows us to reclaim boundaries and say yes to the life we truly want. It’s about respecting ourselves as much as we respect others, and recognizing that our needs matter, too. People pleasing reclaim boundaries is a way to establish healthier relationships and prevent burnout.

Natalie Lue, a renowned expert and recovering people pleaser herself, has dedicated her work to helping others break free from these destructive patterns. In Natalie’s book, The Joy of Saying No, she introduces a simple plan to stop people pleasing—a six-step framework that guides us to identify our people pleasing style, recognize our emotional baggage, and push past our mental and emotional limits. However, pushing past these limits can be dangerous, leading to burnout and physical health issues, so it’s important to recognize when to stop and honor your boundaries. Natalie explains that by discovering the healing and transformative power of saying no, we can establish healthy boundaries, nurture our physical health, and build more intimate relationships.

Natalie talks about the joy of saying no and the freedom that comes from living as our authentic self. By setting boundaries and prioritizing our own well-being, we can stop people pleasing, reclaim our boundaries, and lead more fulfilling experiences. It’s not about never helping others, but about doing so from a place of genuine desire, not desperation or fear.

If you’re ready to move beyond desperately people pleasing and putting others ahead at the expense of your own joy, know that you can begin today. The life you want is within reach—one healthy boundary, one honest “no,” and one joyful “yes” at a time.

SAYING YES

Oh sure, we smile, we go through the actions of pretending all is well but I dare say there is not one of us who feels like we did when life was normal. There is an undercurrent of uneasiness and lethargy in everyone.

We have lived under this cloud in Elsewhere for 21 months. Count the days, dear reader of mine. It has taken a heavy toll on our spirit no matter our age, no matter our situations.

Just when I think life will once again be normal, I am disappointed and truth be told I  see no end in sight with our world’s condition. But I am empowered to move on.

There are always positives we can make happen. We must pick ourselves up emotionally, take care of our bodies, and look forward. Embracing a healthy dose of effort and optimism is key to moving forward and saying yes to life. I know it is easy to ‘just be’ but it is not healthy. We have to say. Yes to life.

Fortunately, I am writing to you this morning with a gloriously bright sun rising over Lake Michigan. “Thank you, dear and glorious, Sun for putting a big smile on my face. You feed my soul with a feeling of resilience. You make me want to say yes, yes, yes.”

OUR BODIES: MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH

Our bodies need to be nurtured with healthy foods and exercise. Therefore, I forced myself back into my old routines … pilates class twice a week, boxing once a week, and I just took up belly dancing!

Why belly dancing? Because it is good for isolating different muscles in one’s body.  Rebecca, my mindful trainer, and I wear belly dance skirts! Mine is pink and hers is lavender. Though I want to say, “No, I can’t do this,” I say, yes because it is good for my emotional and physical well-being.

I had gained some extra weight and have taken it off by taking my lethargic self and getting on my Spirit Fitness Treadmill, my Schwinn stationary bike, and Innova Inversion Table to lengthen my spine!  ( Read more about my favorite wellness items here.) I am only able to accomplish this by saying, yes.

I decided I won’t let Elsewhere ruin my health and well-being.

STEPPING BACK INTO LIFE: THE HEALING AND TRANSFORMATIVE POWER

Saying yes to my Ultimate Concierge is my greatest pleasure.  It is his idea to start traveling again. He has a 3-day meeting. I was shocked he would want to travel to Dubai for 3 days. I wanted to please him so I said, yes.

To further our knowledge we are traveling on, with close friends, to Milan and Venice. The Opera House, La Scala, in Milan, and the old Jewish section in Venice are on our bucket list.

Am I grateful? Of course! Do I want to go? Yes! Do I feel the emotional excitement I used to feel when preparing for a trip? I am because I am saying yes to looking forward! And, I want you to do the same.

Creating a Simple Plan

If you’re ready to stop people pleasing and reclaim your boundaries, having a simple plan can make all the difference. Natalie Lue’s six-step framework is a practical guide designed to help you discover your unique people pleasing style and habits, and to develop a healthier, more assertive approach to setting boundaries.

The first step is to identify the ways in which people pleasing shows up in your life—whether it’s always saying yes, avoiding conflict, or putting your own needs last. By recognizing these patterns, you can begin to understand your emotional limits and the toll that people pleasing takes on your mental and physical health. Natalie explains that setting boundaries is not about shutting people out, but about respecting yourself enough to put your needs in the first place.

With this simple plan to stop people pleasing, you’ll learn how to communicate your boundaries clearly and confidently, without guilt or fear. The six-step framework then teaches you to prioritize your own well-being, break free from destructive patterns, and build relationships based on mutual respect and trust. As you move forward, you’ll find that setting boundaries leads to a more joyful and fulfilling life—one where you can care for others without losing yourself in the process.

By following Natalie’s plan to stop people pleasing, you’ll discover the healing and transformative power of boundaries. You’ll be able to nurture your physical health, reclaim your authentic self, and create the life you want—one healthy boundary, one honest conversation, and one joyful yes at a time.

NO AND YES: ESTABLISH HEALTHIER BOUNDARIES

After the age of 50+, you have acquired a breadth of knowledge due to your life experiences. Your ability to say no may be lying dormant, but rest assured, it lies within you. Your heart tells you when you should say no. You  feel it

So, take your innermost feeling one step further and use your little mouthpiece to express your true thoughts. Many people feel shit scared to use their words to assert their needs, but doing so is empowering. Choosing the right words when communicating boundaries is crucial for clarity and self-respect. The results will enlighten you. The more you say no, the more you are empowered. Just trust your feelings. They belong to you. You matter, dear reader. It will become a joy to say no when appropriate.

Saying yes is difficult for me these days because I am wary. Saying yes for me at this time can be as hard as saying, no. I am sure you feel as I do. Not being able to set boundaries can leave us stuck in frustrating cycles of indecision and resentment.

We have been robbed of leading a stimulating lifestyle in Elsewhere. So, we have to force ourselves to get out of our rut.  The only way to do this is to say yes to our opportunities,  Therefore, we have to push ourselves to say, yes.

Remember, we are the captain of our little ship and as captains, we are in charge of our fate. So, push through the negative aspects of life in Elsewhere.  You can do it! You are a resilient woman. Just try, try. try.  I am smiling!

How are you pushing through the negativity of Elsewhere? Let’s start a discussion in the comments. I love hearing from you!

If you enjoyed this article, please subscribe. You will get each story delivered straight to your inbox.

[[CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE]]