Darlings, today’s article was written by Erica Lemke-Pembroke, MA. She is a certified life coach and wellness coach focused on helping women feel sexy again. Today she talks about how to have resilience through love, lust, and loss. Enjoy!
Fractured and Out of Alignment
These words describe my experience in the first weeks of this new year. I mean, talk about a let-down; 2020 held such high hopes! I felt like so much was riding on this transition – and I was in desperate need of a fresh start, a clean slate, a do-over! I know I am not alone in saying that I couldn’t wait to jump into the new year–this new decade–and leave last year in the dust!
Perhaps what I’m feeling now is the leftover residue from 2019 trying to coat my skin and seep into my soul! That must be it: I mean, I’m still trying to recover from the previous year and it doesn’t seem to want to let go of its death-grip! Will it ever end? Come on, I am ready to deep dive into hope and possibility, over the threshold into a future awash with renewal and growth and peace.
“My investments will finally pay off!” “I will feel emotionally and financially secure.” “I will be able to follow my bliss.”
What’s the saying, “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” Ahh, yes.
Hmmm…what an enormous sense of disappointment and frustration this year has offered, thus far! Why aren’t things turning out like I expected? Why haven’t my dreams manifested into reality? Shouldn’t my life just be sunshine and rainbows and unicorns all day, every day?
Expectation: the mother of disappointment and suffering! Am I right? Seriously, I know this. And, I should know better! It’s hard to accept, though, when life presents some amazing gifts then cruelly rips them away. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
Last year, I was riding high–yes, on that proverbial cloud nine! I finally “made it!” I recently published a book about sexual confidence. It is based on a coaching program I developed as a life coach specializing in sexuality and body confidence. I was hired by a national functional medicine group as a life and vitality coach. Man, talk about my dream job! We were on the cutting edge of sexual health for men and women–integrating sexual health modalities and sexuality coaching for individuals and couples. We were on the forefront of optimal sexual health, wellness and vitality. And we (I was included in this “we”) were going to change the landscape of sexual health and wellness and be the go-to in our industry! How cool is that?
It was really damn cool… for five whole satisfying weeks! I’d been on a roll, getting exposure and press: a TV interview, a sexual health speaker series, bookings for talks in several more states (I reside in the Beehive State of Utah!). Wow, I felt on top of the world, like I was finally doing the work I was meant to do. My passion, my purpose, my commitment to serve was finally being acknowledged and reaching those with whom I desired to work!
Falling Down Fast
And, then that beautiful tapestry rug that had been laid so lovingly and beautifully in my honor was yanked out from under my feet. Just like that! What remained was my butt on the ground, my feet in the air, and my pride in the gutter. I’d been laid off. Apparently, some financial issues caused them to lay off over 60% of its staff and I was one of many casualties.
They let many of us go, but I felt as if I was the only one they tossed aside. How could they love me, support me and build me up so intensely only to discard me? I was wiped away from their website and all other social media platforms. In an instant, I no longer existed. I’m not going to lie; this really stung. I built up my new career to everyone I knew, even to my mom, who asked me for the hundredth time, “Now, what’s your title, again?” Here I was, shouting from the rooftops, “Look at me! Look at me! I finally got my dream job! Yes, I couldn’t be happier!” (I did truly reside on cloud nine!) And… I went from that to Loserville. Talk about a downgrade!
Yeah, that stung…a whole freaking lot!
So, what did I do following this heartbreak? I did the only appropriate thing: I blamed and I pouted. (No, not appropriate; more along the lines of self-preservation and self-flagellation.) And, yet, I got really good at it!
“How could they? Didn’t they know what they were missing? Who did they think they were? How could they let me go, of all people? I was the best thing that happened to that company!”
This then turned into a full-blown pity party: “Woe is me. This is my lot in life. This always happens to me. I’m not worthy. I’m not capable. It was never meant to be.”
Learning and Growing
Can anyone resonate with me, here? Yes, I was reactive. Yes, I was ridiculous. And, yes, this was my way of expressing my grief. It wasn’t pretty. Loss isn’t pretty. Loss is universal. And, this isn’t even a big loss, in the grand scheme of things. I do understand the difference. But, I needed to go through this. I needed to see my reactive and ridiculous self through this lens. It allows me to know that even a fairly rational and intelligent woman as I know myself to be, can have these moments and come out on the other side.
I talked earlier about feeling fractured and out of alignment at the beginning of this year–I know this shall pass. And, I know that I will get beyond this and feel whole and grounded once again. It is only a matter of time. I know this because I’ve lived enough life to know that we do overcome obstacles. We even get over ourselves, believe it or not. It’s about acknowledging who we are. It’s accepting that we have control over our own lives. This is renewal and growth and peace. And this is the meaning of resilience.
What have you grown and learned from already this year? Tell me in the comments below. I want to hear from you!
Erica Lemke-Pembroke, MA, is a certified life coach and wellness coach, focused on helping women feel sexy again. Erica’s experience coaching clients in both health and fitness and weight loss resulted in her starting her own practice. Erica is a feminine movement practitioner who resides in Salt Lake City, Utah.