I have never been short on expressing my feelings. Late yesterday afternoon while in a Yoga pose, my instructor asked me how I was feeling.
My instructor is in his early 40’s. He is also a Tai Chi expert, a physical therapist, and a personal trainer. He sees many people in all age groups. I told him I was feeling strangled from all that was going on around me. Then, I went on to say I had lost hope and trust in mankind… that I was filled with fear, anger, and loss.
“Everyone feels like you do, except the perpetrators,” he replied.
“They do?” I questioned with shock in my voice.
He nodded. “They do. There is no camaraderie, no community. Everyone is suspicious of one another. Mutual trust and friendship are gone. People are afraid. I deal with people of all ages. Your feelings are normal. People just don’t share how they are feeling. You should write about it in your blog so others will realize they are not alone.”
“Good idea,” I replied as I tried my best to do a pose.
Entering a New Stage
It is essential, darling, to let you know that living life in Elsewhere has not stopped me. Not one bit. I am busier than ever. And I am in the process of putting up a new website and expanding honeygood.com. Elsewhere has asked me to question the true moral ethics of mankind. So, I ask myself this question: “How am I going to survive happily in a foreign place like Elsewhere?”
I am going through a new stage. Remember, age is just a number. Every new stage we enter requires growing pains. This is all positive growth! Even though we go through some difficulties until we reach our full bloom, I have taken on a big challenge. My feelings about mankind and his treatment of others have shifted. It will never go back to what it was. I will watch my back. And, I will never be as trusting. I will shed people from my life (you know my word, DELETE) without a care, knowing they are not my style. This is all healthy.
However, with this new stage comes a lot of unanswered questions—but all healthy in the long run. Maybe some of you will consider joining me?
All of Our Lives Have Changed in Elsewhere
Darling, the actions and reactions of thousands of Americans of all ages, all colors, all nationalities have left my family from the youngest to the oldest shattered. I feel bad for all of us. What I have witnessed the past twelve months in Elsewhere has had its devastating impact on my view of the human race and I assume, yours too. Like you and your family, we have spent our lives living side-by-side in an ordered community where people share customs, laws, and values. Like you, I believed in people who understood frailties, listened to them, and then gave them the benefit of the doubt—unless they overstepped my boundaries.
I have forgiven and forgotten because I feel it is important to walk in another person’s shoes before reacting to their action. I taught this to my children and my grands. And, I always expressed to them the importance of a kind heart and tried to show them the same. You did also, I am certain.
I Long for the Normalcy That Once Was
The actions of thousands of my countrymen have robbed me of these feelings. Their actions have filled me with anger. How dare they expose their abhorrent behavior in front of my children, my grands, and the rest of the world! They have robbed me of any desire to put my energy into people. They have made me question the human race. And, they have frightened my children and me as we watch abusive verbal and physical attacks on the unsuspecting. I feel I am living in a hellhole. I would give anything to get back what we once called: normalcy.
As I mentioned, I feel strangled because I am being forced to face the reality that mankind is far from good. I have lost hope in ever feeling differently because too many people have said and done too many things that are unbearable. Darling, this forced me to see the writing on the wall.
Where Has Our Moral Code Gone?
Feeling disillusioned results from the discovery that something important to you is not as good as you believed. Feeling this way leaves an empty pit in your stomach. At least it does in mine. Why? Because I am trading in my enthusiasm for disillusionment. I can’t help feeling as I do because the reality is people have traded in their moral code of values (loyalty, empathy, justice, honesty, respect, humility, love, and gratitude) for greed, power, brutality, lack of loyalty, disrespect and zero honor. Don’t get me wrong, I know every person has their blemishes, including me.
Rekindling My Hope
I am sitting at my desk. I just lit a cinnamon-scented red candle. It is still dark outside, the city lights still aglow. I turn my thoughts to people in my small circle and my large circle. And I think of my children and my grands. I think about all of the people I know that are acquaintances and I feel a warmth from the candle and from all of them. Darling, I think of what they have shared with me over the past year over the phone, in text, email, in-person, and on Zoom. They are wonderful human beings.
Finally, I think of you, your comments on my blog, and your engagement with one another on my private Facebook group, GRANDwomen with Moxie. Then, I smile. I treasure all of you in some way. You are my rock at this time because when I think of you, I do feel hope and hopefulness in the goodness of most mankind.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
How do you feel about how mankind has evolved over the course of the last year? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments at the bottom of this page.
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