“My father was a gentle man and a gentleman; a man who always took the high road.” ~ Honey Good

Today, my heart swells with memories of my father, Roy Lang. He was a gentle man and a true gentleman. His voice still echoes within me: “Take the high road in all that you do and all that you say.” These simple words, spoken often and lived always, are the greatest gift he left me. Today, I write with him in mind, surrounded by keepsake tokens of love that remind me not only of who he was, but of who I strive to be because of him.

On this Father’s Day, whether you are holding your father’s hand or his memory, I hope you take a moment to reflect on the legacy he left behind. If that legacy is complicated, or your heart is heavy from loss of any kind, may you find comfort in knowing that we all carry pieces of our fathers within us, in our values, our stories, and the lessons we choose to live by. This story, dear readers, is my tribute to mine.

Personal Keepsakes from My Father

Darlings, we all have personal keepsakes in our homes. They bring to our minds those we love. I have keepsakes from my grandmothers, my mother, my daughters, my grandchildren, my friends, my housekeepers and of course, my husband, and my father. One in particular brings back memories of lessons from my father but more on that in a second.

Today my thoughts are consumed with one word: Father. I cannot stop thinking of this wonderful father of mine. I think of my many keepsakes from him and the happy memories behind them as they surround me in  our condo in the sky.

My father passed away almost 12 years ago. As I write down my thoughts, darlings, I purposely put my fingers to the keys in the room where this very special keepsake sits, my Three Monkeys. Here No Evil. See No Evil. Speak No Evil.

My Father’s Advice

Most of you reading my Sunday Story have lost your fathers. Many of you have suffered others types of loss as well. As I sit looking out upon Lake Michigan in our condo in the sky on the 71st floor, my thoughts go back in time as I pretend my father is seated next to me. I ask him to guide me through the weight of loss. I tell him how deeply I miss him and Mom, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and the aching estrangement I endure from my adult daughters and all but one grandchild. I tell him I miss the absence of my biological family.

Then I consider his answer: an answer I will pass on to you regarding all types of loss.

On Adult Daughter Estrangement

He would tell me that I have the ability to turn loss into something that is beautiful and resilient. He would explain that I have to go through the hardship of personal adversity to heal from my wounds. Only then would I reframe and find meaning in life.

On Death of a Loved One

He would remind me of a truth I already carry in my heart: “Nothing is forever.” Then I whisper to myself, “Such sorrowful words when someone we love and honor is taken from us.”

To give myself peace, I light a candle for my father on Father’s Day, his birthday, on my parent’s anniversary and other occasions. I keep his pen set, the monkeys and a zodiac  crystal paper weight I gave him on one of his birthdays on my desk . Most importantly,  I keep his messages, his greatest gift to me, in my head…

“Take the high road in all that you do and all that you say.”

Lessons from My Father

The Three Wise Monkeys sit quietly on my desk, their tiny hands covering their ears, eyes, and mouth. Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil. Their message is timeless and powerful, and to me, they embody the very essence of my father.

Naturally, over the course of his 98 years, my father saw and heard his share of the world’s darkness. But he possessed a steadfast moral compass, and I can say with conviction, I never once heard him speak ill of another. He always chose the high road.

I don’t place him on a pedestal or paint him as someone he wasn’t. Those who knew this wonderful man would echo my every word. My parents were my greatest role models. From my mother, I inherited a fiery spirit and a zest for embracing life. From my father, I received his steadiness, grace, and unwavering ability to rise above.

The High Road

Taking the high road, darlings, is never the easy choice, but it is always the right one.

It means choosing integrity over impulse, especially when you’ve been wronged. You can choose the low road and seek revenge, or you can rise above it: forgive, walk away, or simply refuse to let it poison your spirit. I’ve learned that letting go of personal anger is one of the kindest things you can do for your soul.

My father, always, without exception, took the high road. How blessed my children and grandchildren were to have a grandfather and great-grandfather like Roy Lang. And how blessed I was, born under a lucky star, to have a father whose character left such a powerful, lasting imprint on my life.

I am an estranged mother from my adult daughters. My grandchildren, innocent bystanders, have also been swept into that distance. I know with every fiber of my being: if my father were still here, he would have calmed those troubled waters and all would be well.

Honoring My Father

I can never let Father’s Day pass without honoring the man who shaped so much of who I am. He taught me to respect my actions, to know who I am, and to consider how I want to represent myself in this world.

He instilled in me genuine, time-honored values. “Have a high moral compass. This will be your code of ethics to follow all the days of your life.” He was proud of his Jewish heritage and a deeply charitable man, “Be proud that you are a Jewish woman. Be charitable. Pass on your Jewish heritage to your children and grandchildren,” he said.

His love for my mother was beyond, beyond, my darlings! In matters of the heart, his advice was always clear: “Put your husband above all. He should be your dearest confidant, lover and best friend.”

He dreamed of owning a farm and living as a gentleman farmer. He would always say, “Love nature. Love the feel of the grass beneath your feet.” He treasured family deeply, reminding me often, “Make sure your family comes first.” As a mother and grandmother estranged from my adult daughters, this is a truth that brings both comfort and daily heartache.

Through his actions, he also taught me the importance of self-care. He was a runner, a golfer, an avid reader of educational books, and an artful shopper with a curious spirit.

Above all, my father was a grateful and honorable man. I carry his wisdom with me, always. I count my blessings, because I have my father’s teachings forever etched in my heart. Amen. Amen.