Mind Shift #1 – Shifting A Self-Defeating Attitude
A while back, I was having a really bad week.
I was feeling pretty crappy about myself. I’m thinking maybe the stars and the planets were just not lining up for me that month. Nothing felt right and nothing looked right.
I was looking in the mirror at my arms thinking, Damn, I’m going to have to start doing the Queen’s wave. You know–the one where she holds her arm really close to her side and waves her hand? Yep, it keeps you from jiggling, right?
Well, that’s when it hit me that continually nailing myself with criticism every single day was keeping me stuck.
That’s because continually criticizing yourself every day–and we all do it with phrases like if only I was 10 pounds lighter or had fewer crows feet around my eyes–can end up taking a serious toll on your psyche.
You start believing the stories you’re telling yourself about how flawed you are, instead of recognizing how truly awesome you are as a woman over 50.
So the morning as I stood in front of that mirror, I decided it was time to make a shift.
Instead of pounding myself, I looked lovingly in the mirror and told myself 3 qualities I loved about me.
And a funny thing happened. I started feeling better.
So, I began doing it every day and a surprising thing happened. I stopped seeing my jiggly arms. What I saw instead were arms that could hold the man and the people I loved.
Now, here’s a little secret that might help you with body image and dating: men don’t pick your body apart. If they are attracted to you (and men are attracted to all types of women) then they have the ability to love the whole you and accept you just as you are.
Mind Shift #2 – Work on Giving Up Your Limiting Over 50 Dating Beliefs About Available Men
Most women believe what makes a man a Quality Man is his ability to sweep her off her feet, wine and dine her at the best restaurants around town and give her presents and a very wealthy lifestyle she deserves.
Sounds pretty good, but the thing is, money does not necessarily make a man a Quality Man.
Certainly you want a financially stable man with whom you can share your life. But the true test of a good man and a sustaining relationship is about how he treats you and how you feel around him.
Here’s what I mean. I worked with a client who was very successful professionally. She found herself madly in love with a man who was a male nurse. She decided to give him a chance and was so glad she did.
He made her feel safe, supported and protected and daily he showed her how much he loved, cherished and adored her. She’d come home from a long day at the office and he’d greet her with a glass of wine and the two of them would just sit snuggled up, sharing their day together.
The relationship worked because she clearly expressed how she wanted to feel around a man based on the Quality Man Template we’d created together.
This tool gave her a really clear vision of what qualities in a man would make her happy today versus always going for the type of man who made her happy in her 20s, which didn’t work anymore.
There are good men online and in the real world who want nothing more than to make you happy if you give them a chance.
Mindset Shift #3 – Open Your Heart So You Can Have The Relationship You Really Want
You may want a good man with whom you can share your life, but letting someone into your heart, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, can feel pretty scary.
We are protecting our hearts when we start using excuses like I’m too busy to date, my grandchildren need me or there are no good men to date.
Sometimes we aren’t even aware of how we are shutting down and sabotaging our own love lives.
A woman once told me that she’d been on five dates in three months and not one was Mr. Right. As a result, she was ready to give up on her dream of finding love after 50. I was her last resort.
Working together, we healed the pain and the fear in her heart and she ended up dating a wonderful man.
These simple mindset shifts can turn your love life around. It all starts with loving you so a man can love you. Next, see the possibilities and the abundance of men who are out there to date. And open your heart so love can come to you!