Thanksgiving has come and gone, darling. The dishes are put away, the leftovers have long been eaten, and the last of the autumn leaves swirl around as winter settles in. Every year, I feel a shift once Thanksgiving passes. It’s as though the world exhales and breathes in the winter holiday season.

The holiday season asks something of us. It asks for reflection, tenderness, courage, and intention. For many women, this time is filled with gatherings and glitter. For others, it is marked by loneliness, caregiving, or complicated family dynamics. And for many of us, it’s a bittersweet mixture of all of it.

For me, this year is layered with deep gratitude and deep ache. My beloved Ultimate Concierge, continues to battle vascular dementia. I remain his constant caregiver, honoring him in every way I can. At the same time, I am experiencing the unexpected blessing of being back in contact with one of my daughters, a gift I do not take lightly. Yet the silence with my other daughter remains. These truths coexist within me, side by side, as I enter the holiday season.

Life is rarely tidy, but that does not mean it cannot be meaningful. So as we step into the heart of the holidays, let me share 7 ways on how I am finding purpose and peace, and how you can, too… Even when your heart carries both joy and sorrow.

1. Honor What Thanksgiving Revealed About Your Heart

Thanksgiving has a way of exposing the quiet corners of our hearts. It reminds us of what we have, what we miss, and what we wish could be different. This year, I sat with a new awareness. I felt the heaviness of caregiving (the routines, the responsibilities, the worry), and yet I also felt the sacredness of being able to care for the man who cares for me. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart, darling. It demands strength you don’t believe you have until it becomes your daily rhythm.

I also felt a glimmer I have not felt in a long time: renewed connection with one of my daughters. And still, I felt the familiar pain of estrangement from my other daughter. Estrangement is a wound that never fully heals. It simply finds a softer place to rest within you. I know that many of you reading this understand that ache intimately.

But Thanksgiving reminded me of something important. That even in estrangement, there can be hope. That even in caregiving, there can be gratitude. And that even in heartbreak, there can be profound love. If you felt any mixture of conflicting emotions over Thanksgiving, know that it does not make you weak, it makes you human and you are not alone.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Focus on Self Care This Holiday Season

There is no rule that says your holiday season must look the same every year. This year feels different for me, and perhaps it does for you, too. Maybe life has shifted. Maybe someone you love is ill. Maybe you are grieving. Maybe a relationship has changed. Maybe you’re simply tired. So I ask you: How do you want this holiday season to feel, given the truth of your life today?

Not last year.
Not ten years ago.
Not the holiday season of picture-perfect cards or curated tablescapes.

But now, in this chapter, with the circumstances you didn’t choose but are bravely navigating. I have decided that my holidays will be slower. Softer. Filled with meaning rather than performance. My caregiving responsibilities limit what I can do, but they also guide me toward what truly matters: presence, connection, small pleasures, and quiet joys. I encourage you to sit with these questions:

• What traditions still bring you joy?
• Which ones feel heavy or obligatory?
• Whom do you genuinely want to spend time with?
• What do you need, emotionally and physically, to feel nourished and help you prioritize self care?

Give yourself permission to choose the holiday season that honors your spirit and prioritizes self care.

3. Let Gratitude and Grief Live Together During the Holidays

The holidays can be especially difficult when your family picture does not match your heart’s longing. For mothers living with estrangement, this season can sting. The empty chair at the table is more noticeable. The memories of past holidays rise. The yearning intensifies. I know this well. I feel it every year. But here is the truth I have come to hold tightly:

Gratitude and grief are not enemies. They can sit at the same table.

I can be grateful for the daughter who has come back into my life and still grieve the one who is missing. I can be grateful to care for my husband and still mourn the losses vascular dementia brings. I can be grateful for the holidays and still feel the tenderness of my own story. You are allowed to feel it all: the joy and the ache. Nothing about your emotional landscape diminishes your worth or your womanhood.

4. Strengthen the Connections You Do Have

My dear reader, as women, we sometimes focus so intently on the lost relationships that we overlook the ones still within reach. This holiday season, focus on what you can nurture. Maybe that’s a sister, a friend, a neighbor, or a new acquaintance. Maybe it’s your spouse. Maybe it’s a daughter who has returned to your life. Maybe it’s a group you belong to. Maybe it’s the stranger who becomes part of your everyday routine.

Family is not only blood. Family is energy, effort, and connection. I have learned that the women who walk into your life as friends can become a kind of chosen family: warm, steadfast, and healing. So reach out, send the text, make the call, or extend the invitation. Connection is a gift that grows when you give it. Not sure how to navigate strengthening relationships? Write to me at AskMe@HoneyGood.com and let’s navigate this new chapter together.

5. Find Moments of Joy and Self Care in the Midst of It All

When life is heavy, as caregiving and estrangement can be, joy becomes even more important. Joy does not need to be extravagant. In fact, the small joys often save us.

• A cup of tea.
• A walk with your pup.
• A good book.
• A warm bath.
• A phone call with someone who understands your heart.
• A small gift to yourself.
• A holiday decoration that makes you smile.
• A moment of stillness in the morning.

Self care is not indulgent; it is self-preservation. I find joy in preparing small seasonal touches within our home. I find joy in sharing my stories with you, because it reminds me that none of us walk alone.

6. Hold Onto Hope this Holiday Season, Even If It Is Quiet

Hope changes shape, darling. Sometimes it roars and sometimes it whispers. During the holidays, hope can feel like a double-edged sword. Too much hope burns. Too little hope breaks. But the right amount, the gentle, grounded kind, can carry you through the season with grace.

I don’t know what the future will bring in every corner of my life. None of us do. But I hold hope. A soft hope. A patient hope. An open hope. Hope that healing is possible, that understanding can deepen, that connection can grow in unexpected ways and that tomorrow might surprise us. The holiday season, with all its sparkle and symbolism, reminds me that miracles often arrive quietly, in moments we least expect.

7. Step Into the Holiday Season With Courage

As we move beyond Thanksgiving and deeper into the holiday season, remember this:

You are allowed to protect your peace.
You are allowed to set boundaries.
You are allowed to create new traditions.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to hope.
You are allowed to grieve.
You are allowed to feel joy again.

And you are allowed to write a holiday story that reflects who you are today: a woman with layers, wisdom, scars, and strength. This season may not look like the seasons you once had, but it can still be beautiful in its own way. If you need support, a listening ear, or help navigating the holiday season, please write to me at AskMe@HoneyGood.com. I am here for you and you are not alone. Amen.