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How To Forgive… Even When It Feels Impossible

How to forgive

Tomorrow my ultimate concierge, our five-month-old adorable pooch, America, and I will fly out of the Palm Springs airport to O’Hare. I will be home in time to have dinner with my mom in my beautiful Chicago. We just arrived in Palm Springs a week ago and are turning around to spend Thanksgiving with my mother because it is all about, love and respect.

I love Thanksgiving. When I think of this holiday, I feel warm and fuzzy. Thanksgiving calls to mind the pilgrims, the beautiful East Coast, and everything in between. And, what it means to be an American.

Thanksgiving is two days away. It is a wonderful holiday. Families and friends feast on a delicious meal of turkey, candied yams with marshmallows and pumpkin pie. Unfortunately, some of you are separated from your families because of the miles, and unfortunately, some are separated by anger.

I hope this Thanksgiving you are fortunate to have the capacity to forgive. I understand the personal benefit of forgiveness. To forgive another person is giving up your right to condemn. It is letting go of ill will and making peace. Don’t you feel wonderful reading those words?

This does not mean you will forget the way the person acted and it does not mean you will ever have the same type of warm relationship. Forgiving is letting the past go and using positive, productive energy to live in the present. The present is a gift. The past is the past. I genuinely believe that most people deep down understand forgiving others is the right thing.

Darlings, if you are quarreling with someone what better time than Thanksgiving to pick up your phone or drop a note or send a little gift? The message is simply, I forgive you.

How to forgive



1. They don’t know how to handle the situation.

Forgiveness does not mean you are justifying and forgetting what happened. Forgiving is merely giving up your right to censure another person. You do not have to reconcile. Forgiving someone does not mean the person is released from the consequences of his actions. You are giving yourself a gift… you are letting go of ill will.

2. They can’t let go of the past.

So many people spend their days living in the past. They dwell on days gone by. I live in the present. I have no time to dwell on what was. The present is a gift.

Holding on to past anger turns a lovely person into a bitter one. You want the other person who harmed you to suffer. You believe that this person should know that they deserve your wrath. Worst of all, incorrectly, you think that you are making them miserable. Darlings, you are making yourself miserable because holding on to bitter thoughts is a curse. When you forgive someone, you let go of your bitterness and become, yourself, once again.

2. They are holier-than-thou, self-righteous.

You are sure you are the heroine, and they are the bad one. The other person may be wrong, manipulative or a bully, however, have you considered what led them to act in this manner? This thinking does not excuse their actions, but it gives you some insight to think about your actions. Perhaps you inflicted pain on them? This will challenge you to think of the part you played and your need to receive forgiveness from the person you are demanding apologize to you.


A few weeks ago, I received an email meant for someone else. I was shocked when I read the few short lines. It was written about me, and it was unkind. The email was sent, quite by accident, to me. What did I do?

My initial reaction was to act with a full heart. I felt empathy for the person who unwittingly sent me the email. Did I feel weak because of her words? No, I felt strong. I did not write her back, nor did I call her. She knew at this point that I accidentally received her email. No doubt, she was punishing herself when she learned that I received the email. Her words in the email showed a side of her…not a side of me. A month later we talked. I hold no anger. We are friends. All is forgiven.

So please, celebrate this Thanksgiving with a heart filled with love. Forgive someone. You will be giving a gift to yourself. Enjoy your families, friends, perfect foods and lastly, if you find yourself upset with anyone remember two things that will bring you peace: kindness and forgiveness.

Have you mastered the art of forgiveness? Please share your thoughts with me via TwitterFacebookPinterest, Instagram or in the comments section below.

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  1. Forgiving is so difficult UNTIL I consider how much God has graciously forgiven me. In the universal prayer, each is taught to forgive as each has been forgiven. God forgives me completely, immediately, lovingly. That’s the model for each of us. Easy? Not humanly speaking, but with God’s help one can follow His example.

    Thank you, Honey, for thought and action provoking reading. Much needed and appreciated!

  2. I agree that most conflicts can be explained and forgiven, but there are times when another person is so toxic that to interact on any level is not possible. We have a duty to ourselves to recognize the harm that continued interaction with that person can do. However, that doesn’t mean that forgiving the person “in absentia,” can’t happen. Loving kindness works, but it may mean keeping the other at a distance because loving yourself is more important.

  3. Oh honey what wonderful words of wisdom. I have had trouble forgiving someone for some hideous acts and words towards myself, my husband and my children. Still have to see this person as he is part of my husbands family and there are times he has manipulated his way into events we have arranged. I have been polite and made very little conversation but have not enjoyed the events as I have continued to steam underneath always being glad to leave and breathe grateful for no further unpleasantness. I have taken on board your advise and informative suggestions and will endeavour to release myself from this torment as he behaves almightier than thou and continues to lord it over people I care about, however have now realised I am hurting myself be holding on. So now I will work on forgiving for my families benefit. Thank you and merry Christmas.

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