Admittedly, I do not have all the answers on how to create peace of mind after 50 when the going is rough. I wish I did. For all our sakes.
I have been lucky. Of course, like everyone, I have had my serious valleys. I worry and stress as you do. And then I remember to envision a problem as grey; never black, and I see light at the end of the tunnel.
With that positive mindset, I am able to find my footing which allows me to take control of my thoughts. I move them from the black column to the grey one. This trait is one of empowerment with a mix of one’s wisdom.
That is how I create peace of mind and contentment when I am confronted with 98% of my problems. 2% of problems make it seem impossible to create peace of mind. Living through a fatal illness with a loved one and great loss comes to mind.
FINDING PEACE OF MIND OVER 50: CALMING MY STORM
Selfishly, I am writing on this topic because often times a writer finds answers in her writing. Therefore I write to calm my storm. To find my peace of mind.
I am that writer because …
I am in the throws of trying to think grey. You see I have a chronic ache in my heart. I cannot seem to shake it. I must face the reality that my Ultimate Concierge, my dearest friend in my lifetime, turned 90 years old a few days ago. For me, the thought of 90 is a downer. It means fewer years together.
And if I had one wish it would be to relive the 31 years I have been Mrs. Sheldon Good.
Don’t let me be misleading because I have some positive control over this period of our life, and I use it to the hilt. When he had his detached retina, I put drops in his eyes. I drove him to all appointments and followed the doctor’s orders.
When he broke his wrist, I forced him into occupational therapy. When he had surgery for an aortic valve replacement, his doctor gave orders. Both to walk for 30 minutes daily and go into a rehab program. Guess who was his Nurse Ratched?
But no matter what I did or do, the truth is the truth. I cannot control aging. Even though, in my mind, he will always be the dashing and smashing 57-year-old I met when I was in my 40s.
A PERSONALITY TEST
In the insurance industry, you are given a test to determine your personality type. The exam is graded by a color code. Type A is red, Type B is blue, Type C is yellow, and Type D is white.
I recall sitting around a breakfast table in Mexico with four other couples. During breakfast, our host, the owner of an insurance agency, handed out a questionnaire to fill out. This would place each of us in a personality category.
Red had a strong personality.
Blue was strong yet pliable.
Yellow was happy-go-lucky.
White was passive.
After we were graded we went around the table and told our type. The test was so right on. Everyone’s color matched their personality. Looking back I have never had a better time around a breakfast table!
Needless to say, my Ultimate Concierge was a Red. I like strong men. I love being taken care of. And I love knowing that my guy is in the know and I can count and depend on his decisions. This gives me peace of mind after 50!
In other words, I don’t like to drive the car! Yes, I prefer being Miss Daisy. I like a man whose empowerment is wrapped around me.
I KNOW OUR COLORS ARE CHANGING
The thing is, I don’t want to be a Red.
What I want is to carry on in my role as Miss Daisy. I want my man to continue to ‘drive the car’. This past winter it hit me, my Ultimate Concierge is not what he used to be and I have to find the internal strength to be a Red.
It is so difficult to try and be who you aren’t coupled with the knowledge that the span of life is getting shorter. My thoughts are sometimes paralyzing. So paralyzing I cry.
This past winter my Ultimate Concierge was the never-complaining patient. And I was his Florence Nightingale! Though the medical issues were resolved, Covid and life in Elsewhere played a heavy and negative role. It took its toll. His toll was physical. Mine was emotional because it dawned on me that his life span was getting shorter. Suddenly, I found myself saying more than once a day, “Are you ok?”
Selfishly, I decided to write my musings on this topic because writing often provides a writer with answers. And, because some of you are feeling as I do with your own situation. Or will eventually. No one gets a free pass.
So what can we do to find contentment?
- Acceptance. I have accepted this fact unhappily. Focus on the positive. I do every day but with an ache in my heart.
- Keep life exciting. I am to the hilt, but I ache. Take time for yourself. I am but there is always that little bit of sadness tugging at my heart.
- Be there. I am and it does give me peace of mind.
HOW CAN ONE CREATE PEACE OF MIND AFTER 50
Be there for my guy is my answer. It’s a fact that men don’t know how to take care of themselves. My role is to be my Ultimate Concierge’s right arm. To watch over him with tender loving care. This is how I find my peace of mind.
I make his medical appointments and fill his weekly pill dispenser. Make sure he takes his few pills and vitamins. I hired a physical therapist to work out with him at our condo-in-the-sky and walk with him to his cardiac rehab.
I plan our travel he will enjoy and make plans to be with couples he likes. We go to the Opera and the Arts Club and will be going to Millennium Park Music Fest soon. I drive him to his barber ( 40 minutes away) and all his appointments because of his detached retina situation. I supervise, as best I can, his diet. He loves salami sandwiches!!! I am a Red.
I am in the process of creating my personal peace of mind. You probably know I take a pilates class three days a week and work with Rebekkah at my home two days. I bloom where ever I am planted. My business keeps me involved. Watching a series with my ultimate concierge is enjoyable. Spending time with my pooch, America, is a gift. I pick myself up and look for circumstances and people that I enjoy. I am a Yellow.
WRITING HAS GIVEN ME MY ANSWER
Writing my musings has provided me with new thoughts. Thank goodness for journals and pens and computers.
MY NEW TAKE
If I do all I can to nurture my Ultimate Concierge so he can live to be 100 what more can I ask? Now I am thinking grey! See the benefit of writing? Buy yourself a beautiful journal and pen. Write authentic stories about your feelings. Don’t be shy of writing down your vulnerabilities. We are all vulnerable.
I am feeling a sense of contentment because I have resolved some of my angst.
I will be a mix of red and yellow and that will make me a true blue!
My ultimate goal is to savor each day to its fullest—the ever-present. It is a gift.
By the way, my Ultimate Concierge thinks he is still 57 and tells me often … the best is yet to come. I will hold on to his words. They are not grey … they are sparkling white. I am smiling.
How do you create peace of mind after 50? Please share in the comments.
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