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As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

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How To Conquer Feeling Alone

honey good how to not feel lonely

Darlings, feeling lonely is a rampant problem that you can combat!

Feeling alone is a pervasive feeling that affects women in all age groups. Did you know the average network of friends and colleagues has decreased dramatically over the past three decades? Younger people are marrying later in life, if at all. Older people are living longer without their spouse. Loneliness is rampant!

People feel alone at work, as their main communication tools are no longer other individuals, but their computers and iPhones. Young families and grandparents are alone because many families have scattered for employment reasons or moved to warmer destinations. And let’s not forget those people who feel alone in a crowd or in their relationship with their husbands.

Identify The Cause of Your Loneliness

I could write and write about the solutions you already know. Top on my list: Join a group. Volunteer. Adopt a pet. Go to Starbucks. Take a class for fun. Listen and watch TED Talks. Take up a hobby such as writing or photography.

When push comes to shove, it is all up to you to identify your cause of loneliness first by understanding the symptoms. So, the first thing you have to do is identify the root cause of these feelings.

  • Are you lonely in your marriage or relationship?
  • Are you lonely in your job?
  • Do your friends make you feel lonely?

Sit down with a cup of tea or wait until you are in bed at night. Then, pick up a pen and a pad of paper and write down what makes you lonely.

I Identified and Conquered My Lonely Feeling

A few years ago I was experiencing loneliness, and had to take my own advice. It took me less than 5 seconds to identify where and why I felt lonely, and not much longer to express my feelings on paper. I know you will know what causes you to feel alone, too. What will take longer is understanding how to conquer or come to terms with these feelings.

Sitting in front of my computer at 5:35am, I wrote this in five minutes because I instantly knew the answer to stop feeling alone.

This is what I wrote a few years ago:

I feel lonely living in Palm Springs. That is a biggie because I live there on and off, mostly on for six months of the year.

What makes me feel lonely in Palm Springs? The physical environment of the landscape.

I have tried to shake it. I can’t. When walking down the street with my ultimate concierge or having lunch with girlfriends laughing and talking, I can feel that loneliness creeps into my soul because of the physical environment of the desert. It has stark cactus and rocky mountains without foliage. It is emotionally cold.

I am emotionally warm. I miss the warmth of the trade winds wrapping themselves around me and the smell of the salty air from the sea talking to me. The palms and orchids brought a constant feeling of happiness and contentment that I experienced while living in Honolulu.

I can’t feel the happiness in the desert that I feel in my beautiful Chicago as I walk alone down streets or sit alone in the park with my MacBook Pro writing to you. I have felt this way for 26 years!

While trying to adapt, I continually try to appreciate my blessing. I am trying to feel grateful every day for the friendships I have made, for the beautiful home we have built and above all, to put my husband’s happiness first.

Not long after writing this, my ultimate concierge and I put our home on the market, and made plans to leave Palm Springs and re-settle in a place where we felt happier. We sold our home and moved back to the my beautiful Chicago.

Now It’s Your Turn To Conquer Your Alone Feeling

“Monkey see, monkey do,” my darlings. Copy me. Write, write, write! You will identify the cause and then you can try like I did to live into your answer. Change is hard, but the feeling of loneliness is even more difficult. The cause will provide clues to your solution.

I recommend journaling to every woman. Jotting down your thoughts about your feelings of loneliness and ideas for solutions is certainly a reason to crack open your journal and grab a favorite pen.

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If You Are Feeling Lonely, Remember…

Drowning in self-pity is never the answer. Reading self-help books is also not the answer. Comparing yourself to other people? Can you really tell what is going on behind anyone else’s facade?

What is important, and what I want you to remember, is that there is a huge amount of power in being content with your own company and not allowing yourself to become isolated.

  1. I cherish my alone time.
  2. I surround myself with like-minded groups. The key to eliminating that alone feeling is to connect with like-minded people. Try joining my private Facebook group for women over 50!
  3. Live outside the box. You are over 50 and you have a lot of blooming thoughts in that head of yours. You know yourself and you are filled with wisdom so flaunt it, darlings. Don’t isolate yourself. You may consider joining me in group travel and exploring the country!
  4. Have a purpose. Focus. This will give you direction and a sense of accomplishment. Your mind will be occupied and positive and you won’t have time to feel lonely. Please remember that you cannot expect others to cure your alone feeling.

Darlings, I have given you a little project to complete. Try it! Pull out your journal, write down your thoughts. You may find yourself quite enlightened, and I can guarantee you will feel empowered.

Will you make the commitment to yourself to write so you can uncover your feelings? If so, please write a note in the comments below as a first step to holding yourself accountable.

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January 10, 2024

Passages After 50

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  1. Harriet Shohet says:

    Hi Honey – This is something I have dealt with a lot in my life. Two and-a-half years ago I moved to the North Shore from NYC< where I lived for 70+ years- it was a very difficult time for me. But I've adjusted. Now I am going to move again -on the North Shore to another residential community. I know you have spoken of putting together groups of women. I would love to meet some like minded women – I am 70+ – very vital, a lot of energy. I love theatre ,symphony, and many of the other wonderful things that Chicago offers. I hope you'll get back to me with some ideas or thoughts about this. Al the best, Harriet

  2. L says:

    My dear Honey

    I understand completly what ive been working through the past few years since i moved to another city . Not sure if this is for me or im just trying to find my purpose right now in my new life .

    Tx so much for this post 🙂

    Xox L

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      It is probably a mix of both. Just keep plugging away and find your niche. People have busy lives so you have to make the effort. Warmly, Honey

  3. Della says:

    I write in s journal, not every day, but often. It helps, I live in Florida, and am planning my move back to So. Cal. To be close to family, the main drive has been the loneliness I have felt the last few years, thank you for your words of advice, I look forward to my move, keep up the good writing.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      I am always very happy to offer my advice. Hopefully I am helpful.Think of moving back as a positive new adventure in your life and remember…everyone has a busy life so you have to make the effort. Also nothing is personal. It is all because of evolvements. Keep me posted. Warmly, Homey

  4. Sandrala says:

    HI, Honey & others! Am getting back into journaling after not doing it for quite awhile. My AM gratitude lists help me immensely to keep a positive attitude …. Founds that when I wrote 3 pages per morning while traveling in the Baja in an RV for 5 months was the BEST …. very revealing with an “aha” at the end each day. Now I live in beautiful tulip country in the NW. No plans to move — No need!

    • Susan Good says:

      Send me photos of the tulips when they are in bloom. I love them! Keep on writing. It is good for your soul. Warmly, Honey

  5. Mary Pent says:

    Thank you for this, Honey! I have also experienced loneliness on and off as we have moved several times. My husband and I are both very social and active that helps. Through my last few years in Madison I have developed some very dear friends that I am so thankful for and I rarely lose touch with my close friends that I live far away from. I still have those days , however, and am always looking around the corner for what else I should get involved in. Two places where I have met most of my friends have been through a women’s Bible study at my church and at the gym.
    I have never been consistent with journaling but I will your challenge and try it again!
    Thank you,

    • Susan Good says:

      Happy and healthy 2024 to you and your family. I have found that I have experienced different forms of loneliness over my lifetime. And, even on days when I am involved, invigorated, and happy a wave of loneliness for a minute or more may come over me about a situation. I think everyone experiences loneliness. I rarely lose touch with my close friends from Honolulu and I am writing daily with a high school class mate from kankakee by the Sea! After marriage she moved to South Carolina. So, we sign our emails: Your soul sister from the South and your Should sister from the North! I agree with you that joining a group of women who have your values and interests is the best way to form friendships. I do the same and it works! Thank you for your message. I always enjoy following you and your family and hearing from you. Warmly, Honey

  6. SoCal Allison says:

    I read your posting and the comments. It seems we are all moving! We are at points in our lives where we must move ourselves physically from one spot to another for many different reasons. I am coming to terms with that myself. Sometimes what fit
    us prior no longer does. Time to move on! And to do so, I must also “Write, Write, Write!” Time to write down my dreams and turn them into goals with a true plan of action. It is time to get this show on the road! Forward ho!

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