How To Conquer Feeling Alone

September 17, 2019 By
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Feeling alone is a pervasive feeling that affects all age groups. Did you know the average network of friends and colleagues has decreased dramatically over the past three decades? Younger people are marrying later in life, if at all. Older people are living longer without their spouse.

People feel alone at work, as their main communication tools are no longer other individuals, but their computers and iPhones. Young families and grandparents are alone because many families have scattered for employment reasons or moved to warmer destinations–and let’s not forget those people who feel alone in a crowd or in their relationship with their husbands.

Identify The Cause of Your Loneliness

I could write and write about the solutions you already know. Top on my list: Join a group. Volunteer. Adopt a pet. Go to Starbucks. Take a class for fun. Listen and watch TED Talks. Take up a hobby such as writing or photography.

When push comes to shove, it is all up to you to identify your cause of loneliness first by understanding the symptoms. So, the first thing you have to do is identify the root cause of these feelings. Are you lonely in your marriage or relationship? Are you lonely in your job? Do your friends make you feel lonely?

Sit down with a cup of tea or wait until you are in bed at night to pick up a pen and a pad of paper to identify what makes you lonely.

I Identified My Lonely Feeling

It took me less than 5 seconds to identify where and why I feel lonely and not much longer to express my feelings on paper. I know you will know what causes you to feel alone, too. What will take longer is how to conquer or come to terms with these feelings.

Sitting in front of my computer at 5:35am, I wrote this in five minutes because I instantly knew the answer.

I feel lonely living in Palm Springs. That is a biggie because I live there on and off, mostly on for six months of the year.

What makes me feel lonely in Palm Springs? The physical environment of the landscape.

I have tried to shake it. I can’t. When walking down the street with my ultimate concierge or having lunch with girlfriends laughing and talking, I can feel that loneliness creeps into my soul because of the physical environment of the desert. It has stark cactus and rocky mountains without foliage. It is emotionally cold.

I am emotionally warm. I miss the warmth of the trade winds wrapping themselves around me and the smell of the salty air from the sea talking to me. The palms and orchids brought a constant feeling of happiness and contentment that I experienced while living in Honolulu.

I can’t feel the happiness in the desert that I feel in my beautiful Chicago as I walk alone down streets or sit alone in the park with my MacBook Pro writing to you. I have felt this way for 26 years!

While trying to adapt, I continually try to appreciate my blessing. I am trying to feel grateful every day for the friendships I have made, for the beautiful home we have built and above all, to put my husband’s happiness first.

How I Conquer Feeling Alone

My ultimate concierge and I have put our home on the market. We will leave Palm Springs and resettle near a sea. We have not decided where, as we haven’t even started looking.

I am waiting for an answer. The process is no longer in my hands. That I decided to try and conquer this alone feeling is huge for me because like most women, I am a giver.

Now It’s Your Turn To Conquer Your Alone Feeling

“Monkey see, monkey do,” my darlings. Copy me. Write, write, write! You will identify the cause and then you can try like I did to live into your answer. Change is hard, but the feeling of loneliness is even more difficult. The cause will provide clues to your solution.

Remember…

Drowning in self-pity is never the answer. Reading self-help books is also not the answer. Comparing yourself to other people? Can you really tell what is going on behind anyone else’s facade?

What is important and what I want you to remember is that there is a huge amount of power in being content with your own company and not allowing yourself to become isolated.

  1. I cherish my alone time.
  2. I surround myself with like-minded groups. The key to eliminating that alone feeling is to connect with like-minded people.
  3. Live outside the box. You are over 50 and you have a lot of blooming thoughts in that head of yours. You know yourself and you are filled with wisdom so flaunt it, darlings. Don’t isolate yourself.

Have a purpose. Focus. This will give you direction and a sense of accomplishment. Your mind will be occupied and positive and you won’t have time to feel lonely. Please remember that you cannot expect others to cure your alone feeling.

I have given you a little project to complete. Try it. Write down your thoughts. You may find yourself quite enlightened.

Will you make the commitment to yourself to write so you can uncover your feelings? If so, please write a note in the comments below as a first step to holding yourself accountable.

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Warmly, Honey

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6 Comments

  • L says:

    My dear Honey

    I understand completly what ive been working through the past few years since i moved to another city . Not sure if this is for me or im just trying to find my purpose right now in my new life .

    Tx so much for this post 🙂

    Xox L

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      It is probably a mix of both. Just keep plugging away and find your niche. People have busy lives so you have to make the effort. Warmly, Honey

  • Della says:

    I write in s journal, not every day, but often. It helps, I live in Florida, and am planning my move back to So. Cal. To be close to family, the main drive has been the loneliness I have felt the last few years, thank you for your words of advice, I look forward to my move, keep up the good writing.

    • Susan "Honey" Good says:

      I am always very happy to offer my advice. Hopefully I am helpful.Think of moving back as a positive new adventure in your life and remember…everyone has a busy life so you have to make the effort. Also nothing is personal. It is all because of evolvements. Keep me posted. Warmly, Homey

  • Harriet Shohet says:

    Hi Honey – This is something I have dealt with a lot in my life. Two and-a-half years ago I moved to the North Shore from NYC< where I lived for 70+ years- it was a very difficult time for me. But I've adjusted. Now I am going to move again -on the North Shore to another residential community. I know you have spoken of putting together groups of women. I would love to meet some like minded women – I am 70+ – very vital, a lot of energy. I love theatre ,symphony, and many of the other wonderful things that Chicago offers. I hope you'll get back to me with some ideas or thoughts about this. Al the best, Harriet

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