A blended family is not a gift…IT IS AN ACHIEVEMENT! That’s why today I am sharing how to be an extraordinary step-grandparent.

When I started writing today’s musing, I wanted to know where the term ‘step’ originated. And, I thought you would too, darling! In biblical times, a man would ‘step up’ and marry his deceased brother’s wife to carry on the bloodline. The term has since expanded to other members of the family to include step-grandparents, which is a term that, to be honest with you, I do not like! It sounds so cold like the ‘steps’ in Cinderella.

And this ‘step’ grandmother is anything but cold!

Nevertheless, I am the step-grandmother to all of the Good Family Grands. We are a happily blended (meaning harmonious and mixed) family. Does this mean my blended family was always a harmonious mix? No. It took my tender loving care, lots of sleepless nights of thought-provoking options, and thank goodness, the extraordinary role model I had to follow…my step-grandmother! There was also plenty of worry as I navigated new family dynamics.

I profess with pride that my step-grandchildren and I made it through the rain. My Ultimate Concierge and I have a total of 25 Grands between us. These are the guidelines I incorporated to earn their love and respect. Household connection plays an important role in fostering emotional closeness and investment in kin relationships, especially in blended families. That is how I became their, “Honey.”

Step-Grandparenting

Becoming a step-grandparent is a journey filled with both new beginnings and meaningful opportunities. As a step grandparent, you have the chance to form a special connection with your step grandchildren, bringing extra joy and love into their lives—and yours. In a blended family, your role is unique and important, as you help weave together the threads of different family stories into one beautiful tapestry. While every relationship takes time to grow, your presence and willingness to play an active part in your step grandchildren’s lives can make all the difference. Embracing your role as a step grandparent means opening your heart to new relationships, sharing in family milestones, and creating cherished memories together. Remember, the bonds you build can be just as strong and rewarding as any other grandparent-grandchild relationship, and your influence can have a lasting impact on your family’s lives.

Blended Family Dynamics

Navigating the world of a blended family can be both rewarding and challenging. With step grandparents, step grandchildren, adult children, and other extended family members all coming together, it’s natural for emotions to run high and for family dynamics to shift. Respect and empathy are your best allies as you build bridges and foster harmony. Sometimes, adult children or other members of the family may feel uncertain or protective, especially during family trips or gatherings. By being open-minded, flexible, and supportive, you can help everyone feel included and valued. Remember, every blended family is unique, and it may take time for everyone to adjust. Your patience and willingness to communicate openly will help create a loving environment where children, grandchildren, and all family members can thrive together.

The Importance of Extended Family

Extended family is the heart and soul of a child’s world, offering a network of love, support, and wisdom. As a step grandparent, you are an essential part of this extended family, alongside grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other relatives. Your involvement can provide children with a greater sense of belonging and security, enriching their lives with new traditions, stories, and experiences. By investing your time and care, you help strengthen family relationships and create a sense of unity that benefits everyone. Whether you’re sharing a family meal, attending a school event, or simply spending time together, your presence as a step grandparent adds depth and meaning to your family’s story. Never underestimate the positive influence you can have on your grandchildren’s lives, simply by being there and sharing your love.

My Motto As a Step-Grandparent

As the matriarchs of our families, we have the responsibility to put our grandchildren’s feelings above our own, and it is important to understand the child’s perspective in these situations. We have earned our Ph.D. in life. They are children, and the role of the parent in supporting these relationships is crucial. Also, it is important for the grandchildren to see devotion and loyalty between you and their grandfather, as well as the influence of the father on the overall family dynamic. This gives them confidence in the new relationship, which will help with their bonding, and the age of the grandchildren can affect how these bonds are formed. Making plans together as a family can further foster stronger relationships among grandparents, parents, and children.

Next, You Need Tolerance!

Most adult children will be skeptical of the new blended family because it is not easy for them to invite a stranger into the fold, especially given the circumstances that can make adult children hesitant, such as past family challenges or emotional adjustments. Whatever it takes, show tolerance. Put yourself in their shoes. Remember, once you gain a relationship with the children, possibly over time and with patience, the grandchildren will slide into place. In particular, the role of a daughter in these family dynamics can be complex, as daughters may have unique emotional bonds and responsibilities that influence how they respond to new relationships.

Pay Attention

I email and text and Facebook them. When they need me, I listen to problems over the phone and on Skype. Always, I praise their successes. And, I never forget an occasion. Each birthday card is sealed with a huge kiss on the back of the envelope with my lips full of lipstick. When they travel, I am their pen pal and I tell them I love them. As well, when we see each other, I shower them with hugs and kisses. Taking time to talk with your grandchildren, whether in person or virtually, is essential for building trust and understanding.

Please don’t use the excuse that your family is scattered all over the country. Mine is also. In many states! You can still nurture them with your attention. Make plans to stay connected, even if it means scheduling regular calls or virtual visits. Being a friend to your grandchildren, or encouraging them to build strong friendships, can strengthen family bonds and provide valuable support. It is only time, grandmas, only your time.

Effective Communication

The foundation of any strong family relationship is effective communication, and this is especially true for step grandparents and their step grandchildren. Taking the time to listen—truly listen—to your grandchildren shows them that their thoughts and feelings matter. Be honest and open in your conversations, and encourage your step grandchildren to share their own stories and dreams. Approach each interaction with kindness and patience, and let them know you are always there to support them. By practicing active listening and being approachable, you build trust and create a safe space for your relationship to grow. Remember, even small gestures—like a thoughtful message or a simple “I’m proud of you”—can go a long way in strengthening your bond as a grandparent.

Wisdom

Our role is to make each of our Grands feel special. I have figured out what makes each of my 25 grandchildren ‘tick.’ For example, the unique relationship I share with my granddaughter has allowed us to reconnect and strengthen our bond in ways that are different from my relationships with my grandsons. As grandmothers, we often invest deeply in nurturing and supporting our grandchildren, sometimes taking a more hands-on approach than other grandmothers I know. This involvement can also differ from the roles that grandfathers play, as their caregiving patterns and emotional closeness may be influenced by different family dynamics and cultural expectations. Have you? When you accomplish this, the bond between you and your grandchildren will tighten.

Trust

Be an open book with your grandchildren. Show your vulnerability. Share secrets and never break your pledge of secrecy.

Invest time and energy in building trust with your grandchildren, as this deepens your relationship. Being invested in your grandchildren’s lives strengthens your bond and shows them they matter. While money can play a role in supporting your family, emotional investment is just as important for fostering closeness and trust.

Participation

Share holidays. Take family trips. Travel to their events if proximity and COVID-19 precautions make it feasible*. Blend, blend, blend.* Being involved in the lives of babies and young children is especially important, as your presence can provide stability and emotional support from the very beginning. Supporting parents, especially when a new baby arrives, helps strengthen family bonds and eases transitions for everyone. Building a positive relationship with your daughter in law can foster harmony and inclusion within the family. Many grandparents play an active role in blended families, helping to bridge connections and offer guidance. Collaborating with other grandparents can provide valuable support and shared wisdom for the benefit of the whole family. Your involvement can have a lasting positive impact on children’s lives, nurturing their growth and happiness. Working together with parents and other adults creates a harmonious environment where everyone feels respected and understood.

I am not a therapist. But I do know how to handle my blended family with my maternal instincts guiding me. I worked hard and of course, had trials and tribulations, feeling my way into the world of the blended family. It is tough at times, and I have made mistakes. But I keep trying because I love each one of my Grands, blended or not, to the moon and back.

Overcoming Challenges

Every step grandparent will face challenges along the way, whether it’s building a relationship with step grandchildren who are still adjusting, or navigating the concerns of adult children and other family members. It’s natural to encounter moments of uncertainty or resistance, but don’t let these obstacles discourage you. With patience, persistence, and a willingness to adapt, you can overcome these hurdles and create meaningful connections. Focus on understanding the needs and feelings of your step grandchildren, and be open to learning and growing together. Remember, your efforts as a step grandparent are an investment in your family’s happiness and unity. By staying positive and committed, you can make a lasting difference in your grandchildren’s lives and become an extraordinary step grandparent—one who is remembered for their love, wisdom, and unwavering support.

Do you have a blended family? If you do, what are your tips for becoming a successful step-grandparent? Please let me know in the comments at the bottom of this page.