The definition of a bully: A person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable – New Oxford American Dictionary.

Bullies want dominance over you. When a bully picks on you, yes there are adult bullies, or your child or grand, they are trying to demonstrate power. Adult bullying is a significant issue that affects many people, yet it is often less discussed than childhood bullying. You have choices at your disposal depending on the situation or that of a family member you love.

Understanding Bullying

Bullying is a complex issue that touches the lives of both children and adults, often leaving deep emotional scars. It can show up in many forms—physical bullying, where a physical bully might use force or aggression; verbal bullying, which includes name calling, hostile teasing, and insults; and cyberbullying, where bullies use technology to harass and intimidate. Many bullies, especially adult bullies, use their power to inflict harm and make their victims feel small and vulnerable. It’s important to remember that bullying is never the victim’s fault. Every person deserves to feel safe, respected, and valued, no matter their age or situation. Understanding the different ways bullying can happen is the first step in learning how to deal with it and reclaim your sense of security and self-worth.

My Opinion

I have been bullied, and at present, I am being bullied. The latter has been going on for several years. After struggling with my inner-self (and I mean struggling), I always come back to taking the high road…though I admit it has been hard not to want to lash out and defend myself. The feeling of vulnerability and frustration that comes with being targeted can be overwhelming, but standing up for myself, even when it’s difficult, remains important.

The type of bully I am referring to has the ability to rally others behind their cause because they hold some type of power over the others. They may be able to reward them, frighten them, take something away from them or make them feel guilty if they don’t stand with them. The bully may push others to join their side or push boundaries to get what they want. This gives this type of bully more power by manipulating group dynamics, allowing them the strength to habitually repeat hurtful tactics because they are able to create an imbalance of social power. They have their team. Their prey stands naked before them.

A True Story of Bullying by an Adult

Here is a story of a bullying episode I was involved in some years ago. I named the bully, Bullyinski. Under normal circumstances this person was nice. At the card table, she was known by everyone as a bully. Very few women would play cards with her because she yelled at the other players; intimidating them with her threatening words and behavior. A few of her close friends took it. I took it, too. Until one day, she told me to hurry up and play! Then she called me stupid. Tears welled up in my eyes. The whole scene was so over-the-top that, looking back, it was almost laughing material—if it hadn’t been so hurtful at the time.

The other players told her to stop but she persisted. I looked at her and, knowing the power of words to both hurt and defend, I made a point of speaking up assertively. In a soft and clear voice, I leaned in very close to her and told her to stop talking to me in that manner. She told the players, after the game, “If Susan plays again, I am not playing.” Out came her bully claws. She knew she was wrong but she knew she had power over her close friends. Her private jet flew one of the women around with her and her exorbitant wealth impressed the other woman. Neither of the women stood up to her. They were afraid they would lose their perks. Darling, they were worse than Switzerland. At least Switzerland is neutral!

Not Willing To Stand-Up to Bullies

I left the game. However, I knew the other women felt guilty about their actions but not enough to lose their very, very wealthy connection. But, I was glad to back away from the game, though upset that my ‘so-called friends’ conscience didn’t bother them enough to take a stand. I knew if they had stood up to the bully they would have still been their friend and maybe just maybe she would have learned a lesson. Darling, I never talked about her publicly but wrote a story about her, not using her real name, but everyone knew at the club who I was referring to when I wrote a story about Mrs. Bullyinski at the card table! This story is an example of how bullying can affect friendships and social dynamics.

Sometimes, if you ignore a bully and don’t give them the reaction they seek, they may lose interest and move on.

Let me be clear. Her bullying was not personally directed at me. Any woman sitting in my chair who she felt was slow would have received the same outburst. Unfortunately, a lesson was not learned and friendships were tarnished.

Now, there are several forms of bullying and you have several choices of action.

Identifying Bullying Behavior

Recognizing bullying behavior is essential if we want to stop bullying in its tracks. Bullying can be obvious, like physical aggression—throwing objects, pushing, or using force to hurt someone. But it can also be more subtle, such as verbal bullying, which includes threats, racist remarks, insults, and other forms of name calling meant to inflict harm. Cyberbullying is another growing concern, with bullies using social media, texts, or emails to harass and intimidate. Most bullies use a mix of these tactics to assert their power and control over their victims. It’s important for parents, teachers, and family members to watch for changes in behavior, mood swings, or a sudden drop in confidence—these can be signs that someone is being bullied. Trusted adults play a crucial role in identifying and addressing bullying, ensuring that victims get the support and protection they need.

Effects of Bullying

The effects of bullying can be profound and long-lasting, impacting not just the victim but their entire family. Victims of bullying often struggle with anxiety, shame, and a deep sense of fear, which can make it hard to feel confident or safe. The harm caused by bullying isn’t just emotional—physical bullying can lead to real injuries, while the stress of being bullied can affect both mental and physical health. Many victims experience depression, anxiety, and in severe cases, even thoughts of self-harm. Families may feel helpless or anxious as they watch a loved one suffer. That’s why it’s so important to address bullying quickly and compassionately, offering support and understanding to help victims heal and regain their sense of self-worth.

Passive Aggressive Bully

There are the bullies who are passive-aggressive. They are known as cunning and covert. And, they encourage others to follow their lead by some type of emotional force. This form of bullying isolates and socially excludes their prey from friends, people in the workplace and yes, family is not off-limits to this type of bully. Passive-aggressive bullying can cause deep feelings of insecurity and self-doubt in victims, and in some cases, this behavior can escalate into harassment, especially in workplace or family environments.

They never say a word, they take an action by leaving their prey off a guest list of a family wedding so other unknowing guests will wonder why the person is not there; did they not want to attend? My advice with this type of bully is to take the high road even though you want to retaliate.

CEOs and Upper Executives

There are bosses, including CEOs and upper executives of large corporations, that bully their employees because they ‘think’ they are elite and powerful. Sometimes, a boss can be the source of bullying, using their authority to intimidate or control others. This kind of bad behavior can escalate if not addressed, leading to a toxic work environment. In these situations, there is a risk involved in confronting a boss or authority figure who is a bully, as your safety or job security could be compromised. Your power is to act by keeping a written account and documenting the date and time, their conversations, and actions, and seek support if necessary.

Public Cyberbully

There is the public cyberbully – the big company CEOs who today are going after half of the American population including a past President of the United States. These are public bullies who feel they have the right to take away our first amendment right of free speech because others have a different viewpoint. Public cyberbullying can also involve serious offenses like identity theft, where someone’s personal information is stolen and used to harass or intimidate individuals online. Use your voice and take a stand. Don’t be afraid. Remember, bullies are afraid.

Private Cyberbully

There are private cyberbullies, too, that target you by phone, text, and email. Repeated unwanted messages or contact from these individuals can constitute harassment, which should be taken seriously and documented. Change your phone numbers and your passwords.

Child Bullying

Childhood bullying is rampant. If a kid is being bullied, it’s important to observe your child or grandchild’s actions. Encourage them to talk if you notice a change in their behavior. Be a good listener. If they are being bullied, tell them it’s okay to feel scared, angry, and sad. Explain that the person bullying them is wrong. Advise them to report bullying to a teacher or other school authority, and always tell a trusted adult, such as a parent, guidance counselor, or school psychologist, about what is happening. If the kid is in immediate danger of physical harm, seek help from a trusted adult or teacher right away. Find out what is happening by contacting their school.

The best way (in my opinion) to help your child or grandchild is to show them a way to feel good about themselves. If they are athletic, put them in a sport they love. And if they are artistic, sign them up for an art, music, or dance class and encourage them to take their activity seriously.

My granddaughter was teased because she is tall. My daughter and son-in-law nurtured her athletic talent and she became a star softball pitcher, winning a full college scholarship. My son-in-law practiced with my granddaughter, throwing balls every day after school. She joined the softball team. Through athletics, she was validated by her classmates and was never bullied again. Bullies are cowards.

Sarcastic Bully

Let’s not forget the sarcastic bully. Sarcasm can actually be hostility disguised. It can be a subtle disconcerting contempt that is very hurtful. Sarcasm takes place in the workplace and in family relationships, and sometimes the sarcastic bully can even be a family member, such as a brother or dad. Most sarcastic people are angry, insecure, or cowardly. They are not known as happy people. Bullies often target perceived flaws, such as calling someone ugly, to exploit insecurities. There is humor in some sarcasm. You will know the difference. I suggest telling the person how you feel about the sarcastic remark and point out when their sarcasm crosses the line into bullying. Tell them it is not funny but hurtful. If they continue, back off from this toxic relationship.

Building Confidence and Resilience

One of the most powerful ways to deal with bullying is to build confidence and resilience. When someone is bullied, it’s easy to lose faith in themselves and feel powerless. But by practicing positive self-talk, self-care, and self-compassion, victims can start to rebuild their confidence. Remind yourself—or your loved one—that you deserve respect and kindness, and that you are not alone in this struggle. Talking about your feelings and experiences can help you process what’s happened and develop healthy coping strategies. Learning to set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and seek help when needed are all important steps in stopping bullying and taking back control of your life. Remember, every person deserves to feel good about themselves and live a life free from harm.

Creating a Support Network

No one should have to face bullying alone. Creating a strong support network is essential for anyone dealing with bullies. Surround yourself with family members, friends, and trusted adults who will listen, offer advice, and help you feel safe. Talking openly about your experiences can make a world of difference, helping you process your feelings and find practical solutions. A supportive network can provide emotional comfort, guidance, and even intervene when necessary to stop bullying. By working together, families and communities can create an environment where kindness, respect, and empathy are the norm—and where bullies find it much harder to inflict harm. If you or someone you know is being bullied, don’t hesitate to seek help. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and valued every day.

Today in Elsewhere

In Elsewhere, the new society, it appears to be the order of the day for many adult people to lash out and seek revenge. As more than 50% of us know, this is never a good path. And, it makes the other 50% feel satisfied at the moment and absolutely justified in doing their harm. But in the end, I believe, it rarely brings about anything worthy or good and in most cases, it exacerbates the problem.

It may feel weak to be silent and humble, but it actually takes a very strong person not to allow emotions to rule their actions. Even in the face of bullying, it is important to maintain hope for positive change and healing, believing that things can improve over time. Amen.

Would you like to ask me a question and see my answer on “Hear it From Honey”? If so, please email me at info@www.honeygood.com with your questions. 

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