I'm Honey!

As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

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Ask Honey: Spouse’s Children Woes, Maintaining a Positive Attitude, and Political Peace with Family

As a modern matriarch, it is my honor and privilege to share my wisdom with you. I especially love it when you submit questions that I can sink my teeth into and that are close to my heart. Today, I address questions that run the gamut from coexisting with family members with opposing political views, staying positive, and what to do when dealing with uninvolved stepchildren.

You may also like this story on what to do when you become an empty nester (I chat about it in a video!).

Question #1:

Been with my partner for 10 years. We are in our 80s. Came together after 53 years of not knowing anything about each other. [I have a] a pretty good relationship, except that I resent most of his adult children for their lack of attention to my life and my family. Find them aloof and selfish. Have spoken to my partner, but he does not like me to bring up the subject. He is sick, and I take care of all his health needs, but lately, I feel like leaving and doing many things that I look forward to doing, realizing that I do not have time to spare.” — Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You profess that you have a ‘pretty good relationship’ with your significant other except for his children and then mention you feel like leaving him to pursue things that interest you because you do not have time to spare.

It is important that you think about yourself. Thinking about your needs is not selfish.

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His Children:

After 10 years of knowing these selfish adult children, you know you are not going to change their attitude, so stop wasting your negative energy on their lack of kindness.

Be good to yourself. Don’t sink to their level. Smile and be a lady when you are around them. This will serve you well and make you feel worthy about yourself. Kindness is power! The lack of kindness is powerless. Hold yourself to a high standard.

Your Significant Other:

Most men live in their caves. They are ‘Silent Sams.’ They avoid controversy. Remember: These adult children are his—and he lacks power over them.

I suggest you stop discussing his children. It won’t change the situation and will cause controversy in your good relationship.

Discontinue having negative conversations about his family. Concentrate on positive talks for both of your benefit.

Your Needs:

Have a conversation about getting out of the house for ‘some fresh air.’ This is a positive conversation because your attitude will improve, and so will your relationship.

Remember, you deserve time to be good to yourself.


Question #2:

Do you have any sayings or mantras that you say to help you stay positive during trying times?” — Poppy

Dear Poppy,

Our Attitude and our resilience are our latitude. I believe that a woman’s resilience and attitude in trying times gives her the power to withstand adversity, I have trained myself to see my trying times the color grey, never black. This gives me the strength to survive and will thrive.

If it rains and is a cloudy day, I think about all of nature drinking water! If there is an illness, I become resilient and seek the best advice and never give up until I live into my answer.

If I want to pursue a difficult task, I know I cannot ride up the elevator, I have to climb the stairs. I am all about attitude and resilience. Think of yourself as the little tugboat who said, “I know I can. I know I can!”



Question #3:

“Hi Honey, I really enjoy reading your posts. Most of my family has opposing political views. In my heart, I know that they mean well and want what’s best, but sometimes some true ugliness can come out. I love them and want to be around them, but politics always seem to come up, no matter how I try to avoid the topic. Any tips for coexisting?” — Sally

Dear Sally,

I often say to my Ultimate Concierge ( my hubby,) “Thank goodness we are on the same side of the aisle because If we were not I might have to leave you!” I say this tongue in cheek, sort of!

Therefore, I understand your plight. I feel as you feel.

Fortunately, most of our family is on the same side. One grandson isn’t on our side of the aisle. I try to change his mind. He tries to change my mind. Neither of us will change. So, we kid each other, though never wavering in our beliefs.

On the flip side of the coin, there are some, and probably most, you cannot kid with, and it is difficult for all concerned. In this case, when politics come, use your power and stop the conversation! It is a no-win situation.

We have some friends who have opposing views. We never talk politics. The night becomes so boring because it is ‘the talk of the world!’

We can change friends—not family! You are, unfortunately, stuck! I am smiling, sort of!


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