Ask Honey – Advice For Women Over 50 (January 23)

Positivity Through Flowers at the Farmer's Market

ASK HONEY – ADVICE FOR WOMEN OVER 50

JANUARY 23, 2020

The way in which two or more people or things are connected and the way in which one tells a story, tells you there are all types of relationships.

Some are heavenly. Some are toxic. And then there are several different types of relationships in between. Without relationships, we would not have a society or World Wars! So tread smartly and carefully when choosing new relationships and tread gently when ending some you have not enjoyed for a while.  

A GRANDWOMAN knows herself. She knows exactly what makes her tick. She stays true to herself and makes a conscious choice when she invites a new person or endeavor of any kind into her life.  

Warmly,

Honey

 


 

Mary Ann Asks:

Dear Honey,

I Loved this and needed to hear these things. My husband and I went through some very difficult times with his health, mine, and our marriage. I am happy to say we weathered all those storms and are doing better than ever. For various reasons, there are a few friends that have made it clear they do not want a relationship with my husband. There are times in social situations where they have been plain rude. These were friends for 40 years that we have so much history with. I was crushed and hurt. My husband is hurt. I finally got to a point where I felt I must move on but it’s very difficult. I’m in a better place with this than 6 months ago. Any other words of wisdom? Thank you, Honey!

– Mary Ann

*****

Dear Mary Ann,

You seem like a GRANDWOMAN with moxie to me. You saved the most important relationship… your marriage. I applaud you!

Relationships. Connections. Associations… call the connection between two or more people whatever you want knowing that one thing is for certain… a relationship can be over the top marvelous or it can cause a person to feel the depths of despair. 

The most important relationship you have is intact: your marriage. You worked on your marriage during hard times and survived. That is very special and the premier relationship that counts. You can have the greatest friendships but without a good marriage, you will not be happy. 

On to the relationship with people you call your friends for 40 years. I have no idea what ‘various reasons’ means so it is difficult to give you a just answer. 

Depending on what ‘various reasons’ mean and how deep a friendship you thought you had, here are a few examples of what you might do.

    1. My husband comes first. If he is not happy, ‘we’ are not happy. I would stop spending time with people who do not care for my husband. And, I would tell my husband, “You are the  cream in my coffee.” 
    2. If you think the ‘various reasons’; warrant a discussion I would invite my supposed friend out for lunch or meet her at a Starbucks and over coffee listen to what she has to say. And, then I would go home and think very hard about the conversation. 
    3. I don’t know your lifestyle but I do know there are other couples to seek out. Make the effort. Join a group! Wine, travel, movie, cards. You can have new adventures… new relationships! Refreshing! 

I am sorry you and your husband were hurt. Just remember: With relationships between people anything goes! Fathers and sons stop talking. Parents and children stop talking. Best friends stop talking. Business partnerships fall apart. Marriages end in divorce. 

You’ve got your guy and he’s got you. That is the most important relationship. Cherish it.

Warmly,

Honey

 


 
 

Trudy Asks: 

Dear Honey, 
 
Is your dog a service dog? Do you travel with, America? How can you make your dog a service dog? 
Thanks!
 
– Trudy
 
*****

Dear Trudy: 

Our dog, America, is a service dog. We do travel with him. He is allowed this privilege because my husband has an eye problem called Macular Degeneration that causes a lack of eyesight.
 
In order for any pet to be classified as a service animal, the owner of the pet must present a signed letter from his or her doctor stating the owner’s medical condition. This is handed over to the Airlines. Your pet must have all his or her vaccines up to date, too. Carry the letter and proof of vaccinations in case you are checked.
 
If your pooch is under a certain weight I do not think you are required to have authorization as long as your animal is able to fit into a doggie carry on. Please check this.
 
The night before we travel I cut America’s food portion in half and on the day of travel I feed him very little food or water. I do carry treats with me to satisfy his hunger, and during our flight I let him lick ice chips from my hand.
 
He is a very good passenger, sleeping most of the time. He sleeps on the floor of the plane next to my feet. I believe the lull of the engine puts most pets into a relaxed state. I have never given our pooches any type of sedative.
 
America wears a service dog jacket when we travel. My Ultimate Concierge and I each carry an ID card with our picture of America as added proof he is a Service Dog. He also wears a dog tag. We do this so America can accompany us into stores. I consider traveling with America a privilege so I am very respectful of all rules. Hope this helps!
 
Warmly,
 
Honey
 
 

 

Toni Asks:

Dear Honey,

My adult daughter depends on me to rescue her when she makes a mistake or has a problem. For example, she will party with her friends and spend money on clothes instead of paying her rent on time. She works, but I have spoiled her by always saying yes to all her wants so she knows I will bail her out. Honey, I don’t know how to stop doing things for my daughter. I love her and don’t want her to get upset with me but I want to live the life of an empty nester with my husband. I am afraid she is going to ask to move back home. What can I do?

– Toni

*****

Dear Toni,

It is time to give your daughter the nudge she needs to become an independent adult. I don’t think it will be too difficult a problem because she has a job and doesn’t live at home (yet) like over 40% of young people do today.

Have a conversation with her when there she is not in crisis mode. Explain to her you know you are intervening in her life too much; you are struggling with this situation and you are working to change this about yourself for her welfare. This will give her a heads-up to think the next time she wants to come to you for help.

Tell her you remember when you were her age, and how her grandmother made you work through your challenges and how satisfied you felt when you acted in a responsible manner and accomplished something hard.

It will be difficult to change your habit when she gets upset and begs you to rescue her or threatens not to talk to you. The ball is in your court to change your behavior. Do it for her sake.

Make her a responsible young woman who learns to save her money for her rent and then party with friends and shop with what is left. She will learn how to handle her money and herself in a responsible way when she has to suffer the consequences.  

The ball is in your court. You are driving the ship. Don’t take a detour. 

Warmly,

Honey

 


 

Bel Asks:

Dear Honey,
 
About the red string. You’d said that you have worn the red string for 2 years. Do you take it off when you are taking a bath or washing dishes? Is it all right to drench or soak it water?
 
– Bel
 
*****
 

Dear Bel,

The red string that I wear is nothing more than a simple red string that is tied around my wrist in seven knots that guards and protects me. I was given mine in Jerusalem but you can order red strings on line.
 
However, I do not wear a man-made red string bracelet with a clasp, by choice. I prefer my red string to be primitive and simple with no pretense attached because I only want to think about its message when I gaze at it.
 
The Red String had its origin in Kabbalah, the ancient Jewish mystical interpretation of the bible, first transmitted orally.
 
It is the symbolism of Kabbalah, that makes the Red String valuable, not the string itself. The red string guards and protects you, your loved ones and friends. You tie a red string on someone because you feel a special bond. That is what I do. And, after I tie on their Red String, I say a little blessing that I made up.
 
As your Red String wears thin, it eventually will fall off your wrist. You can have someone you love tie a new Red String on you. Never cut the red string off. It will fall off your wrist, naturally. The one I am wearing has been on my wrist for over a year. I have never had one last two years. But one never knows.
 
It is important to tie the red string around your left wrist because it is closest to your heart and please remember to tie it tightly. The tightness will quickly relax. If the string is tied too loosely it will catch on something and fall off.
 
On a trip to France, we had the wonderful occasion to have breakfast with three other couples who were very close friends. One couple was French, one Viennese, and the other Greek. They noticed my Ultimate Concierge and I wearing our Red String. They questioned us about the meaning of the Red String and after I told them the story they all left breakfast wearing one of my red strings! None of our friends were of the Jewish faith.
 
Wishing you the best luck with your Red String. If you have good thoughts, good thoughts will come to you.
 
Warmly,
 
Honey
 
 

 

We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 
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