My goal is to help you create a lifestyle of positivity and possibility. I am smiling!

– Warmly, Honey

Today on Ask Honey – Relationship Advice, Widowhood & More

Darling, today on Ask Honey, we discuss widowhood, relationship advice of different kinds, career advice for senior women, and much more!

Sending much love to each and every one of you during this time.

Ask Honey – Advice for Every Woman

June 4, 2020

Randi Asks:

How can an older woman spot an older man who is a narcissist?

Thank you!

Dear Randi,

The dictionary definition of a narcissist is, “Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself.”

If the man you are seeing has an exaggerated sense of self-importance, need for admiration, and lack of empathy he has a narcissistic personality.

There are men who are, “I, I, I”, who have very good values and qualities.

Therefore you are going to have to weigh the odds. Will you continue seeing him because his good qualities outweigh his, “I, I, I”, or say, “Adios!”

Warmly,

Honey

 


 

Debbie Asks:

I wished to get back into the workplace long before the economic downturn began.

I was previously an associate in an office-type setting. And, I recently created a detailed CV that lists just about every form of skill and ability that one should have in a professional setting.

To make a very long story short, I submitted applications at a rate of twenty per day. As of this writing, I have only received replies from sources that seemed to be of a questionable nature. And since the economy is slowly moving toward a massive downslide, it just makes my attempts to find stable employment to be rather fruitless.

What must I do in order to “reinvent” myself where I will at least obtain a legit reply to any source I apply to?

And what must I do to accept these facts I face that are not of my creation?

Thanks!

Dear Debbie,

As you are aware, you could not pick a worse time to be in the job market.

I would apply as an assistant in hot industries where an assistant is in demand because of these difficult times. Such as… Healthcare, leisure industry, banks, technology, and possibly a church in your community.

When you are filling out your resume, mention the skills you have that match the needs of that industry.

I think you should consider a professional’s help filling out your resume. The cost is worth it because this will give you a far better chance of getting hired.

And, the competition is so great today and since you are not getting a call to come in for an appointment the problem must be with your resume.

I hope I helped.

Warmly,

Honey

 


L Asks:

Honey,

I so appreciate when you have mentioned how you have been betrayed by friendship, as have I. It has happened to me many times and it doesn’t get easier.

It seems when I am “no longer needed” that the friendship is “pulled”.

How do you work through betrayals that you have encountered?

– L

Dear L,

Friendships last when you and another woman fit. When women have different values one of the friends is going to suffer. So, perhaps you should consider choosing your friends with more clarity. Write a list of what you need in a friend and follow the guideline.

I have learned that when I choose women friends who mirror me, meaning they have my values, I am happy. If you choose this route you will not be left at the gate when you give support. You will be admired and appreciated.

Friends are like family and become an important part of our lives and when they betray us, it is very painful. As I have written, my betrayals came later in my life; one was especially disappointing. The other was a new friendship and I read her wrong.

So, give clarity to your needs, not the other woman’s needs. That is her responsibility. And, understand there will be times you will read a woman wrong. As one of my good friends taught me, “Think of the keyboard on your computer and just… delete.” It is as easy as that.

I sound cynical but I am anything but a cynical woman. I am just telling you the truth. Your friends become like family. You cannot choose your family… you can choose your friends.

Warmly,

Honey

 


Ann Asks:

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my husband’s passing and I am feeling so lonely. I have a wonderful job, good family and friends, and still feel lonely all the time.

Thanks!

Dear Ann,

I was widowed and I feel your pain. No one or nothing can take the place of a love.

I want you to live a charmed life again. And you can, and you will.

I would like you to write down what you would like your life to look like, now. What is missing now in your lifestyle that you had before you lost your husband? This may explain why you are lonely and you will live into your answer.

But remember, you are in the driver seat to make things happen.

I suggest you email me and fill me in why you are lonely. I will get back to you and together over our emails I will try and help you. How is that?

My email is honey@honeygood.com

Awaiting a reply.

Warmly,

Honey

 


 

Michael Asks:

I do have a question for you that I have been battling with for 25 years. It is regarding a very close friend who thru the years I’ve come to look at her as a frenemy.
We became fast friends when our kids were little but as we got closer I saw a side to her that was very mean and self-serving. Now that our kids are grown the relationship has become very toxic to me. She always has a comment on everything I say, and every time I get off the phone with her I feel bad.
Of course, there are other times that I adore her so you can see how conflicting this relationship is. I have thought about distancing myself but our kids are still very good friends and we have many close friends in common. Any words of advice?
xo,
Michael

Dear Michael,

I understand how you are feeling. You love her and you hate her. And to complicate the situation your children are friends and you have mutual friends.
The first question you should ask yourself is why does she treat you badly at certain times. Is she an unhappy woman and takes her unhappiness out on you because she knows she can get away with it? That is a bullying tactic. Bullies feel stronger than their victims.
I am sure you have had conversations about this. Nevertheless, after you really try to pinpoint her erratic behavior I would have another conversation over lunch or meet for a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Let her talk first. Tell her you want to validate her feelings and ask her why again.
She is not going to change after 25 years, but if she is willing to catch herself when she feels mean spirited that will help. Especially now that you understand her situation.
You must assert yourself and cut her off when she starts with her nasty comments. It is possible she is bullying you. You can nip that. Just stop her in her tracks. Yes, older women can be real bullies.
Tell her you will no longer allow her to use you as her punching bag. Don’t be afraid. You are in the driver’s seat. You can always walk out of her life. The children will continue to be friends and you can spend time with your mutual girlfriends when she is not around.
Take the high road. Don’t talk about this to your mutual friends.
Warmly,
Honey

Thank you for all your wonderful questions. And, I hope you got something from my answers. I am smiling!

We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.

4 Comments
  1. Thank you Michael for your question. I have a similar situation with a friend. Honey, Thank you for your advice.

    Stay Safe & Healthy

    Peggy 😍

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.