Father’s Day is arriving at a meaningful time in America. As our nation reflects on her 250th birthday, I find myself thinking not only about the Founding Fathers of our country, but about the father in every family who shapes a home through character, steadiness, and love. Great nations are not only formed by great leaders. They are also shaped by the values taught at kitchen tables, in living rooms, during quiet talks, and through the example of a father who lives with decency and honor.

When I think of Father’s Day, I think first of my own father. There are certain men who leave such a profound imprint on your soul that time never erases them. They are gone from sight, but never from spirit. Their teachings become part of your language. Their values become part of your backbone. Their memory becomes a kind of shelter you carry inside yourself. That is what my father left me.

The Three Monkeys and My Father’s Example

“Every child and grandchild’s home should have the Three Monkeys.” That was always my feeling. See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. The sentiment is one that should be modeled and taught in every home. I gave each of my children the three monkeys, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil, and See No Evil. I am hopeful they have gifted their children with this keepsake. The Three Monkeys speak volumes without saying a word. My father was a man who represented all three virtues.

How does a daughter describe the essence of her father? What is the legacy a father leaves his daughter to pass on to her children? Because isn’t that what life is truly about, the passing on of values from generation to generation? As the patriarch of our family, my father exemplified all that was decent. He lived by the highest moral standards. He showed respect and love for my mother, his children, his grandchildren, and his great grandchildren. He had a strong work ethic, a charitable mentality, and an ability to be loved and respected by all who knew him.

My father can best be described as a gentleman. He was not showy. He did not need fanfare. He was a steady presence, the sort of man whose goodness lived in his daily actions. There is a difference between a man who speaks about values and a father who lives them. My father lived them.

What a Father Leaves Behind

During my growing up years, my father was the parent I most observed for his essence. My mother for her grit and style. My father for his calm moral compass. He did not need to dominate a room to be felt in it. His presence had quiet authority. When my father spoke, people listened, not because he was loud, but because his words carried weight. And that, to me, is one of the great gifts a father can leave his family. Not money. Not possessions. But what a father leaves in their heads and in their hearts.

Our parents leave us many significant gifts. Mental gifts are the best because I believe the most important gift a father or mother leaves a child is not what they leave in a bank account, but what they leave in the child’s mind, character, and memory. In my apartment in the sky in my beautiful Chicago, I have my personal “I love you items” from family and friends. As I move daily from room to room, my eyes rest on these collectibles, and pleasant memories or a lesson well learned flashes through my mind, always with love and joy.

Now, more than ever, I understand the importance of these invisible inheritances. Life has a way of stripping us down to what matters. In this season, as my Ultimate Concierge fights vascular dementia and our world has changed so dramatically, I find myself leaning on what I was given long ago. I lean on my father’s wisdom. I lean on my mother’s moxie. I lean on faith. I lean on memory. I lean on the values planted in me before I could possibly understand how much I would one day need them.

Missing My Father

Today, with tears in my eyes, I glance at my monkey, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil, and See No Evil. Thoughts of my father flash through my mind because these nine words best describe this father of mine. If you asked anyone who knew my father, they would echo my words. There is emotional trauma when children of every age say a final goodbye to a father or mother. Unfortunately, it is one of the cruelties of life to have someone you love so much taken from you.

To know I will never again lay eyes on my father, hear his laughter, listen to his words of wisdom, or feel his hugs, even all these years later, is often intolerable. Though I am a wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother, I still need my father. I need my father to help me with my struggles because I revered his thinking and his advice.

How many times in life do we reach for a parent long after they are gone? Not with our hands, but with our hearts. We search our memory for the words they would have said. We try to imagine their expression. We wonder what guidance they would have offered for the trouble in front of us. I do that with my father all the time.

Words of Wisdom From My Father

“Always take the high road, Susan.”

“Always give back.”

“Be true to yourself.”

“A grateful person is a happy person.”

These were not just sayings from my father. They were principles. They were instructions for living a meaningful life. And how I need them now. As I navigate this painful chapter with my Ultimate Concierge, I hear my father’s voice in my head. When I am weary, I hear him remind me to stay true to myself. When I feel overwhelmed, I remember his steadiness. When sorrow begins to swallow up the light, I remember that a grateful person is a happy person, and I search for one blessing, then another.

Gratitude in hard times is not denial. It is discipline. It is one of the forms of self care I hold close in this season of my life. I may not be able to change what is happening, but I can still care for my spirit. I can still walk America and notice the sky. I can still light candles for Shabbat. I can still take joy in a grandchild’s laughter, in a call from a friend, in a beautiful flower on my table, in a memory that warms me rather than wounds me.

Fathers, Family, and America at 250

As America reflects on 250 years, I think about the Founding Fathers and the values they hoped would shape this nation. Courage. Character. Duty. Freedom. Responsibility. Vision. Those fathers of our country were not perfect, no human being is, but they understood that what we build must be rooted in values strong enough to outlive us.

That is true in a nation. And it is true in a family.

A father’s real legacy is not only what he accomplishes in his own lifetime, but what he teaches those who come after him. The values a father lives become the values his children may carry forward. The example a father sets becomes part of the moral inheritance of a family. His decency becomes a blueprint. His integrity becomes a memory that instructs. His love becomes a shelter his children continue to feel long after he is gone.

When we think of America’s founding, we often think of documents, war, vision, and independence. But underneath all of that were ideas about honor, sacrifice, personal responsibility, and the hope of leaving something better for the next generation. Is that not what a good father does, too? A father leaves his children stronger by the way he lives.

I also think of Thomas Jefferson and other fathers of early America, men whose ideas shaped the direction of the country and whose legacies, for all their flaws and contradictions, were rooted in the belief that ideas matter and that what one generation builds affects the next. Fathers do that inside a home. Their choices ripple outward. Their character sets a tone. Their values, whether noble or lacking, do not stop with them. That is why fatherhood is such a sacred responsibility.

 

What My Father Still Teaches Me

My father still teaches me, though he is no longer here in body. That, to me, is the mark of a remarkable parent. Their lessons remain alive.

• He teaches me to slow down and consider the moral weight of my choices.
• He teaches me that dignity matters.
• He teaches me that kindness is not weakness.
• He teaches me that giving back is part of living well.
• He teaches me that gratitude is not optional if I want peace of mind.
• He teaches me that character is built quietly, day by day.

And in my present life, where so much feels uncertain, these teachings have become a form of inner structure. When outer life becomes fragile, inner values become your beams and pillars. This, too, is self care… Taking time to nurture your spirit and hold close the truths that help carry you through life’s hardest moments.

Self care is not always glamorous. Often it is deeply private. It is the choice to protect your peace. It is the choice to nourish your body, your mind, and your spirit. It is the choice to rest when needed, to pray when words fail, to seek beauty when life feels harsh, and to remember that a woman does not stop mattering because she is burdened. In my life, self care now includes quiet rituals: time with America, a little fresh air, moments with family, saying no when I need to, and holding tightly to the values that keep me from feeling lost.

Every Day Is Father’s Day

Every day of my life is Father’s Day. There is not a day I do not thank my father for being a role model, a man of wisdom, and a loving father. I wish my father were here. I do know this, he is the brightest star in the sky, this dear father of mine.

So today, pause to remember those who are no longer with you. Celebrate those who are here. Hold them near and dear to your hearts, and be grateful. Parenting is to be respected and held in the highest esteem. And if your father was a man of character, values, and wisdom, pass his teachings on. Speak of your father. Repeat his words. Live by the goodness he planted in you. That is how a father continues on. That is how love becomes legacy.

Happy Father’s Day!

What are some lessons you learned from your father, either from his words or his actions? I would so love for you to share in the comments below.