I did not realize that everyone has been lethargic living in Elsewhere. I knew I was. And, now I realize everyone feels as I do. It is an awful feeling to push yourself into doing something when you lack desire. We are in need of a strong adrenaline rush to motivate us to move forward. We all want to feel visible again. The catch 22 of life in Elsewhere and invisibility is that many women over 50+ feel emotionally invisible because of age.
LIVING ON MY TERMS
Last week my desire to live my life on my terms returned. I don’t recall what jump-started my engine, maybe anger or feeling in a repressive rut, but I do recall what I thought, “The hell with Elsewhere! I am done letting others control my life. In 2022, I’m going to live and feel visible again.”
I am going to be the most visible woman I can aspire to be. I am going to travel, read, get a tattoo, learn to use false eyelashes from one of my younger friends, wear red nail polish and lipstick, etc… This year, I am going to be fierce about everything I do.
If you, too, are looking to update your look, check out this post on Trendy Haircuts for Women Over 50. Or if you’re ready to embrace the grey, this is a great post on adjusting your makeup when you decide to go grey.
I am going to put some sparkle back into my life. My age is just a number. To me, mental age is what counts. My mind is my barometer; my forecaster. It determines my attitude, my circumstances, and my opinions. I think to myself, “Don’t lose it. Use it!”
And that is what I would like you to do, sweet reader of mine.
A VISIBLE WOMAN
My vivre for living suddenly came roaring back. OMG, I felt reborn. Yesterday, the first thing I did, ( after making lox and bagels for my Ultimate Concierge!) was to take a walk through my closet; a closet I have barely touched in almost two years! There was no need because where was I going?! My Ultimate Concierge laughed as he watched me and said, “Do you think you have enough shoes?” I answered smiling, “Yes, and I am going to start wearing all of them again!”
So, if you let your closet ‘just exist’ it is a good idea to start there. Your closet defines your outer beauty and your style, an important part of your feeling like a visible woman. Taking an interest again in ‘your look’ is a healthy starting point.
But, feeling visible is far more than an outer look. It is you in you. It stems from your emotions.
We come from different walks of life. Many women after the age of 50+ feel invisible. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is usually brought on as women age. I know this is a fact because of conversations I have had with several women.
AGE IS JUST A NUMBER
A woman can be educated with many degrees, have a successful career. She can be a loving and admired wife, mom, grandmother and world traveler. Even with all of these accolades, she can feel invisible. It is part of the aging process.
I contend this does not have to happen. First of all, think of age as just a number.
If you did not know your biological age, ask yourself what your age would be. Your answer would probably be, at least 10 years younger. So, dear reader, forget your biological age and concentrate on your emotional age.
Put passion and contribution back into your life. Passion and contributing to society does not end at 50+, 60, 70, 80 or 90 years of age.
Wellness is a marvelous way to feel visible, not invisible. I can state this with conviction. For almost two years I stopped my consistent workout routine. I did a reset about three months ago. Pilates, boxing, mindful stretching and balance, and belly dancing. I work out five days a week. I am walking taller. Smiling more broadly. My energy level is high. I am on a high from exercise.
TAKE A CHANCE
I know moving to a new city or neighborhood sounds like a crazy idea. How can moving connect with feeling visible again? Easy peasy! Here is a true story.
My girlfriend, Joyce, lived with her husband in Manhattan. One day she told her husband she felt invisible. She observed she was no longer noticed when she walked down Madison or 5th Avenue. She knew it was her age. They moved to Palm Springs, a retirement mecca, and she bloomed. She used her head. And, dear reader, she had guts. She wanted to live a visible life. And so she did.
Be curious. A curious woman never ages. If you can travel, travel. If you don’t want to travel, watch marvelous documentaries. Go back to school and get certified and even consider going back to teaching. With any of these steps, you cannot help feeling empowerment, agelessness. Visibility.
Moreover, intimate relationships are very important. Loneliness creates invisibility. Erase boundaries. Open yourself to others. Visualize your world with people, pets, goldfish, whatever. “No man is an Island. No man stands alone.” You don’t need an army. You need both ‘special’ and ‘casual’ interactions.
Involving yourself in the above allows you to embrace life.
My definition of a visible woman:
A visible woman has a positive perspective on life. She comes to understand that feeling visible begins from within. It is her emotional makeup that makes her beautiful at every age. Her willpower, her resilience, her loving manner. Her curiosity, her giving back, her self-respect, her gratitude, and the ability to be fierce in all her undertakings. It is the difference between being dead and being alive.
Above all, dear reader, live on your own terms, stay curious, and stay visible.