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I'm Honey!

As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

Oh My, Ponder This:

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Passages After 50

How to support the different women in your life

How can a woman support different women in her life so friendships can blossom? Think about it while asking yourself these questions, do you… 

  • Celebrate her achievements? 
  • Listen actively to what she is saying? 
  • Encourage her when she needs you? 
  • Compliment her on a new hairstyle or wardrobe? 
  • Show empathy?

If you can answer yes to these questions, then you are a warm woman who delights in giving to others; a woman who receives inner pleasure supporting different women in your life. 

Or are you a woman who was raised to be judgemental? Are you all about yourself? Are you a woman who has a jealous streak? Do you lack empathy? 

If you are that woman or a part of that woman, I suggest you take a good look in your mirror. You will be surprised at just how much it empowers you to be kind and supportive of different women in your life! Friends are important darlings!

How to support the different women in your life

The Successful Friend

There will always be friends in your life who get the promotions you dreamed of, make more money than you have, set a table better than you can, have daughters-in-law who love them, and look smashing in a new outfit that you wish was yours.  When you are in the presence of this woman and you feel intimidated or jealous, please remember my advice: Practice celebrating her with your support and you will feel differently about yourself.  

A mood of empowerment and enlightenment will embrace you and your competition and jealousy will be replaced with self-fulfillment, pride, and the realization that this woman’s success can make you a stronger and wiser woman. 

 

The Friend Who Faces Challenges

Listening to this friend is your way of support. True listening is what I call a divine art because it is not on many women’s radars. Listening is also portrayed in your body language. When I am with someone who needs me, I look them in the eye and I squeeze their shoulder. This lets them know I am truly listening and most importantly, I care. 

I don’t believe this friend needs you to be judgemental. Quite the contrary; she needs you to be sympathetic. After she has told you her woes, respond as a friend should. Be honest when asked to provide feedback all the while being kind. 

 

The Woman Who Is Lonely And Needs A Friend

You would probably be shocked to know how many lonely women you know. They may put on a face, laugh, and seem fine, and yet be inwardly lonely. You have to be a Detective Clouseau to feel her feelings. 

What would I do? I would ask her to accomplish something with me; a new skill. I have long wanted to do a vision board. We could do it together! What better time than at the start of the New Year to put our goals, dreams, and wishes on a vision board or in a planner? This project will open the door to worthwhile discussions that may form a closeness between the two of us. 

You can also phone this lonely woman and ask her to go to a lecture or join your gym class or book club. This woman needs a helping hand and if you enjoy her company, reach out and give her yours! You could also introduce her over lunch to your close friends and acquaintances. This is a marvelous way to support this lonely woman and also to empower and enlighten her. 

 

The Friend With A Big Problem

Please reach out to this woman who is overly burdened with a big ‘something’ by being an uplifting and caring problem solver. It is important to be specific on how you can help – do not offer. Stepping up is what counts! She may have had a big disappointment, be recently widowed or divorced, feel invisible due to her aging, have ill health, have lost a friend to death, or have financial stress. 

My theory is women need women. Even though friendships between women are complicated, one of the ways you can succeed is with authentic text messaging. When one of my best friends was dying and could not talk, I texted her almost daily for a year. I never felt burdened. I felt uplifted that I gave back to my friend who gave so much of herself to me. Truth be told, I miss her every day. On the day before her death, she wrote a note to her son to call me and tell me how much she loved me. 

You should share your expert advice and verbal support. Help her find her footing with experts. If your friend has lost a spouse or is going through a divorce, tell her, “I am here to listen to you.” Let her talk out her woes. Your responsibility is to be a good listener. Compliment her. This will give her the self-assuredness to survive. 

 

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Vulnerability Opens A Door To Supporting Other Women

I am an open book. What you see is what you get. I think that is the reason I find it difficult to be happy in the presence of most women. I am not attracted to a woman who is masked; who has an agenda.   

These women cannot show their vulnerability. 

Being a vulnerable woman is a great attribute and asset in supporting different friends, darling. It sets you apart and makes other women feel comfortable doing the same. In this way, love, joy, and trust come into play and this provides support to a woman in need of your emotional strength. A woman who is closed and cannot be vulnerable feels less love, joy, and belonging. Open yourselves up, darling!

 

Women Will Be Women! Ask Your Friends Open-Ended Questions!

Women’s relationships can be over-the-top problematic and run into roadblocks. The mother and daughter relationship can be daunting, the mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law relationships can be a handful for many, and two mothers-in-law can be an OMG! The friendship between women is often tricky. Competitiveness and jealousy, unfortunately, are fierce. 

No woman wants to be asked open-ended questions. But the positive of asking open-ended questions can break down barriers. In this way, you are showing your support! When you ask, ‘why,’ ‘what did’ ‘what if’ and ‘how’ – this is the way to get honest results. You now know the problems and can use your tools to honestly support this person.     

 

How To Help Friends Through Grief

It seems grief has been thrown by the wayside. When I lost my husband, I mourned my loss. I stayed by myself, except for my daughter who lived with me. I walked four miles in the morning and four miles at sunset with my pooch, Mahalo. I did not watch TV or read because I could not concentrate. I lived by the Sea in Honolulu and spent my time with my orchid plants on my lanai and watching the koi fish in the pond below. 

I thought about my life with Michael morning, noon, and night. I grieved. A year and a day after his death, I moved off the Island with my daughters to Chicago to be near my family. My mourning did not end for two years. In those two years I met my Ultimate Concierge, fell in love, and married, but my mourning Michael did not stop. It could not. 

The widow also mourns that life goes on and she is left behind, missing not only her partner but what her life once was. 

A woman’s grief must be processed in her own time. But, it must be processed or she will never heal. 

It is hard for a friend or acquaintance to discuss the death of a partner with her friend because she probably thinks her friend does not want to talk. This is not true! She does want to talk! So encourage her to share her stories. Ask her questions. You are showing her your support. She feels your interest. Tell her, “I am here to listen to you.” That is what my friend Emily said to me at my husband’s funeral. It is the only sentence I recall. He passed away suddenly and my mind was shaken but nevertheless, I remember that important phrase. 


Supporting The Different Women In Your Life


I could go on and on and tell one story after another but it is time to close until another day.

Darlings, I leave you with these thoughts:

Supporting different women in times of need is one of the greatest gifts you can give. So, embrace them, listen to them, encourage them, be forthright and vulnerable with them, help them through grief, ask open-ended questions, and address their loneliness and challenges with optimism and sincerity.  You are giving back to two women – the woman in need and yourself.  

Amen.

 

 

Friend, what do you need today? How can we support you? Will you tell us in the comments? This is your place! You belong here!

November 16, 2022

Relationships

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  1. Carolyn says:

    What a great article. It has shown me some areas in my life that I can work on and be better in instead of being judgmental or feeling hurt. It also made me stop and think about some women in my life that may need some additional support right now. Thank you for being open and sharing your insights!

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