Many have asked me how I’ve become such an authentic version of myself. So here’s how you can start working toward being authentically you, darling. Authenticity isn’t a fleeting moment, it’s a lifelong process, a journey of self-awareness and growth. And I want to say something right away: authenticity is not always loud or glamorous. Sometimes it is quiet. Sometimes it is survival. Sometimes it is self care.
When you walk up to a woman at a meeting, meet her at a party, or pass her on the street, you are unconsciously registering information about her based on the way she is dressed and the way she carries herself. In other words, you are already forming opinions about her. But here is the twist: she may be doing the same thing while she is also trying to hold her own life together behind the scenes.
We never truly know what a woman is carrying. Being present and noticing these moments of reflection is essential for developing greater awareness of yourself and your true potential. And darling, awareness is one of the most powerful forms of self care because it brings you back to yourself.
As you move through life, you’ll find that living authentically brings a deep sense of fulfillment and connection. Practicing mindfulness and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings can help you gain greater awareness of your true potential. In my current season of life, that looks like slowing down, listening inward, and remembering that even while caregiving and navigating my condo in the sky, I am still me.
Introduction to Living Authentically
Darling, let’s begin at the very heart of what it means to live authentically. Authenticity is one of the most precious aspects of being human. It’s about embracing your authentic self and honoring your true feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Living authentically means showing up as the truest version of yourself, even when the world tries to nudge you in a different direction. And sometimes, the world does not just nudge, it pushes. Life changes. People change. Health changes. Yet your true self is still inside you, asking to be claimed.
Authenticity isn’t just a fleeting moment; it’s a lifelong process, a journey of developing authenticity and self-awareness. It takes courage to look within, to acknowledge your fears and doubts, and to stand tall in your own truth, especially when societal norms might encourage you to act otherwise. But darling, authenticity means being honest with yourself and those around you, and that honesty is the foundation of genuine self-worth and mental health. It is also the foundation of self care. When you stop pretending, you stop performing. When you stop performing, you begin to breathe.
As you move through life, you’ll find that living authentically brings a deep sense of fulfillment and connection. It allows you to build stronger relationships, make choices that align with your values, and experience a more meaningful, joyful life. Remember, developing authenticity is not about perfection. It’s about embracing your unique self with all your beautiful emotions and quirks, and having the courage to let your inner light shine. This is the essence of an authentic life.
Meeting Someone New Authentically
I am visualizing first-time meetings I have had with strangers that ultimately became friends. When I see a woman coming toward me she is announcing important information or misinformation about herself without saying a word. Her age, her style, her personality, cool or warm. And she is assessing me as well. Unless I am careful, she may not see me as my authentic self. By the time we stop and chat, each of us has formed an idea about the other. And darling, this is why authenticity is such a gift. It saves you from being misunderstood, and it saves you from misunderstanding yourself.
If you read my words carefully you will note I mentioned the word misinformation. You see darling, not every woman is able to announce who she really is because she has not laid claim on her true authentic self…yet. Some women are still living inside a version of themselves that was built to survive. Sometimes, acting in ways that don’t align with your true self during these first-time meetings can make you feel inauthentic, highlighting the importance of self-reflection and genuine self-expression.
Are You Being Authentic?
I can say this with clarity because I have met so many women and have been fooled by some, though not intentionally. So sit back and ask yourself if you are the real you or if “another woman” is portraying the authentic you. This can be a very positive discovery because you can begin to rid yourself of that “other woman” and love yourself for who you are. That is real self care, darling. Loving who you are instead of chasing who you think you should be.
You may be a quiet woman and have personal moxie or you may be that woman who presents herself with a, “Hello world, here I am.” Feeling this authenticity within is an emotional cleansing and a very powerful moment. You may have felt a shift or a sense of clarity when you notice your true self emerging, as you become more aware of your own thoughts and feelings.
So darling, listen to subtle signals the woman within is sending you and you will begin to reflect your own best image… your authenticity. Paying attention to your own thoughts and noticing the emotions that arise during self-reflection will help you deepen your self-awareness and live more authentically.
Now for the fun part. Go into your closet and clear out the fashion clutter that is not authentic to your style. If you feel overwhelmed, do it in twenty-minute sections. Self care is not doing it perfectly. Self care is starting. This is my advice: Ask yourself, “What is my authentic signature?” I will give you a hint by expressing mine.
Understanding Core Values
Now, darling, let’s talk about the compass that guides your authentic life: your core values. These are the principles and beliefs that shape your decisions, actions, and the way you move through the world. Understanding your core values is a vital step in developing authenticity and building self-confidence, because they help you discover your true self and live more authentically every day. And in difficult seasons, your values become your handrail. They steady you when life is wobbly.
Take a quiet moment to reflect: What truly matters to you? What are the non-negotiables in your life? What makes you feel most alive, most fulfilled, most like your best self? These questions are the keys to uncovering your core values. Perhaps you value honesty, kindness, creativity, or adventure. Maybe you feel most authentic when you’re helping others, expressing yourself through art, or spending time in nature. Or maybe you are in a season where your value is simply to keep showing up. That counts, darling.
As you gain greater self-awareness and clarity about your core values, you’ll find it easier to make choices that align with your authentic self. This alignment brings a wonderful sense of purpose and direction, and it’s the secret to living a more authentic life. Remember, darling, developing authenticity is a journey. There’s no rush. With patience, daily practice, and a little courage, you’ll find the confidence to honor your true self and live a life that reflects your deepest beliefs and desires.
Living Authentically in This Season of My Life
My authentic self, my outer signature style, is simplicity with a flair. With my outer appearance, I make a statement without a word coming out of my mouth. I live by a strong set of standards that are set in stone (simplicity), and I sprinkle them with my personal adoration of life, family, people, curiosity, intention, style, culture, and on and on.
My accessories say to another woman, “She knows who she is and she has an attitude. She owns her personal flair.” Expressing your authentic self means recognizing each aspect of your identity and finding balance between them, so your style truly reflects who you are. Even in my caregiver chapter, I still wear my lipstick. That is not vanity, darling. That is a reminder. Now pinpoint who you are. Once you have, you have succeeded. And please take your time.
To Become Authentically You, You Must Part with Mistakes
Now it is time to part with fashion mistakes (we all make them) that are taking up space. I know this is daunting and hard psychological work. This process can be a challenging experience that brings up fear of letting go, but facing this challenge is essential for growth. Once you start and finally accomplish this difficult feat, I promise you that there are few things as satisfying as bringing order into a chaotic closet. Oh, and I almost forgot my dresser drawers. Sometimes clearing a drawer is not just organizing, it is self care. It is telling your nervous system: I can create calm.
Redoing a closet and drawers takes planning. Before I begin this task I have at my disposal extra-large plastic garbage bags and Alexa playing soft Hawaiian music. I begin to tackle my closet and drawers by discarding clothes and I lay them on our bed.
Authentically You
I have one strong message for you, darling. Style is a philosophy…your philosophy and your biography. Possess it! Own it! It represents a big portion of your inner power. It is your true authenticity. Authentic means expressing your personal style in a way that aligns with your true self, values, and emotions, regardless of outside influences.
Living Authentically Beyond the Closet
So, you’ve cleared the fashion clutter, darling, and unearthed your unique style signature. But remember, true authenticity goes beyond the clothes we wear. Practicing self love is essential for maintaining authenticity and creating positive change in our lives. It’s about radiating confidence from within, embracing your quirks and talents, and letting your inner light shine.
Here are a few ways to cultivate your authentic brilliance:
1. Unmask Your Passions
What sets your soul on fire? Is it painting, writing, gardening, or volunteering? Rediscover activities that bring you joy and dedicate time to nurture them. Making the most of your free time to pursue your passions can help you live more authentically. When you engage in your passions, you exude an undeniable energy that attracts others who share your enthusiasm.
2. Embrace Your Quirks
Don’t try to fit into a mold that doesn’t resonate with you. Embrace your quirky tendencies, the things that make you uniquely you. It’s completely normal to have unique traits and to feel different—these differences are what make us authentic. Whether it’s your infectious laugh, your love for vintage movies, or your obsession with collecting seashells, own your quirks with pride. They’re the brushstrokes that paint the beautiful canvas of your individuality.
3. Speak Your Truth
Don’t be afraid to express your genuine thoughts and opinions, even if they differ from the crowd. When you speak your truth with conviction and kindness, you inspire others to do the same, fostering authentic connections built on mutual respect and understanding.
4. Embrace Imperfections
Nobody is perfect, darling! Trying to be is an exhausting and ultimately futile pursuit. Instead, embrace your imperfections. They are part of the story that makes you who you are. Letting go of shame about your flaws allows you to accept yourself more fully and grow authentically. Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and move forward with grace and a dash of self-compassion.
5. Celebrate Others
True authenticity thrives in an environment of mutual respect and appreciation. Celebrate the unique brilliance of others, their talents, and their journeys. When you uplift others, you not only spread joy but also create a space where everyone feels empowered to be their authentic selves. By making others feel accepted and encouraging them to accept themselves, you foster deeper authenticity and genuine connections in your relationships.
Remember, darling, your journey towards authenticity is a continuous exploration, not a destination. Embrace the journey, celebrate your unique quirks and passions, and let your inner light shine brightly. The world needs your authentic brilliance, so go forth and share it with the world!
A Journal Idea for the Girls We Love
I want to add something here for the mothers and grandmothers reading this, and for the women who remember being a girl trying to find her footing in the world. I’m considering writing a special journal for girls and teens, designed to help them explore their thoughts and feelings and encourage them to grow into strong, confident young women. I believe it could be a meaningful gift for a daughter or grandchild. Tell me, darling, is this something you’d be interested in? Darling, if this journal idea speaks to you, please comment “YES” below, or email me your thoughts. I truly want to hear what you think.
Love everything you said. A young 76, I look forward to life with happiness and fun. My appearance and appeal are important to make me my very best. Thank you for inspiring me to continue to motivate the real me, so I can influence younger ladies that it’s never too late to be stylish and successful. Love your attitude!
I love your attitude! Pass on your advice to the younger generation and to your acquaintances who have not arrived! As you say, it is never too late. I am smiling. Warmly, Honey
This article is a brief instruction on how to be yourself. It helps me a lot becoming myself.
thanks in advance.
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My pleasure. Have a lovely Spring! Warmly, Honey
Hi Honey,
It’s now 4:30am in Texas…another early rise for me as I cannot sleep much these days. Your post popped up just in time for me to get even more inspired to embrace my authenticity….which seems to come and go randomly, lol! I love Spring and all the new beginnings it brings! Your ideas on closet purging are great and I will read your recommended book with great anticipation. I was very enlightened about how we as women subconciously form misinformation at times before we even meet someone. I know I have certainly been misread at times of my life as I have been told as much by women who have become friends later. I need to let my authenticity shine through! As always, thank you Honey for inspiring us search for our authentic self!
Have a beautiful day with your Ultimate Concierge and poochie America!
Lynn
I believe you will let your authentic self shine through. You got the message! You just needed a nudge. I am smiling. Warmly, Honey