Lately, my mind has been flooded with disappointments caused by bad decisions. I feel bogged down and engulfed in a deluge of baggage.
It is very uncomfortable to fall short and blow an important decision. In my case, I did not have enough information to make a smart decision, so I relied on others: references and people smarter than me. I did not listen to my heart. My heart … I always go back to my heart because the heart is your instinct. It had given me the right answer, but I listened to the advice of others. Listening to others’ advice is very valuable — a wise decision — but only when they are true experts.
Making decisions is part of life and though a woman over 50 knows herself, this does not mean she will always take the right path. Mistakes are part of life for everyone. But staying mired in a mistake and not climbing out can be as much a problem as the mistake you made in the first place.
I never avoid the struggle to right the wrong decision. Nor should you because as long as you learn from your mistakes, you grow from them. Remember, darlings, you have the ability to resolve your problems. It takes commitment and determination. I know this is harder for some than for others so for those of you who struggle, please say this to yourself, “I will use all of my resolves to right this wrong.”
How to Deal With A Hard Decision
I am not referring to trivial decision-making. People make 70 decisions a day. Thank goodness most of them are not monumental. I am talking about decisions that are very important. Here are my tips for making a difficult decision:
- NO FAST MOVES. When you make a decision think of it in “years.” What to do, I am retiring. Should I sell our home? Should I move to a new city or state? Should I move near to children? Should I go forward with a divorce? Should I marry after 50 or should I have a significant other? Ask yourself 100 times over, “What is the long term effect, the consequences?” Cast your eyes to the future, darlings.
- HAVE A STRATEGY. Without a strategy, your chance of a negative consequence grows. Educate yourself. Ask yourself, “What are my intellectual, emotional and financial resources? Write down the pros and cons before you rush into a possible fire. Again, look to the future. Do not make a move until your thoughts are as clear as a fresh mountain stream.
- WEIGH YOUR STATE OF MIND. Are you in a good place in your life to make a hard and consequential decision? Have you educated yourself? I have become aware that there are certain times of the day when I can make a better decision than at other times … when my decision-making can become less reliable.
- DON’T BE A POLLYANNA. Don’t be excessively cheerful and optimistic when considering a big decision. There is no Utopia, darlings. The world is not perfect, and most decisions involve tradeoffs. You know every big decision and choice has consequences, both pro, and con. Don’t fall prey to believing your wishful thinking if the information does not add up. Be impartial, not emotional. Don’t be a Pollyanna.
- LACK OF PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE. It is almost impossible to make a smart decision when you lack sound knowledge. If you’re using guesswork to make important choices, I suggest taking the opposite tack from where wishful thinking points you, and give it a pass — unless you have a very wise counselor. This will be a brilliant decision on your part, darlings.
- A BIG DECISION IS A PRECIOUS OPPORTUNITY. You know, darlings, I am grateful that I see the glass half full and live outside the box. It has usually served me well. Yet, I still believe that a big decision is a precious opportunity and should be weighed from every angle.
I should have passed on a decision I made years ago. I should have gone the other way. I didn’t realize the long-term effect my lack of knowledge would have. That is why I am advising you to look into the future before you make an important choice.
I do believe a first step in the decision-making process is listening to one’s gut feelings.
In every instance when I have a decision to make, I get a physical feeling in my heart and rely partly on that feeling because It is empowering. It points me in a certain direction because the heart feels love, fear, joy, excitement, anticipation, stimulation, angst. I want you to know that emotion alone should not determine your final decision. But it does make me consider things more deeply.
When I make a bad decision I take full responsibility by recognizing the role I played.
I then look for choices and finally I focus on the present. My goal is to once again feel positive, happy and productive. I would love it if you, darlings, would take my approach because I know it works. I wish you wise, happy and fulfilling decision-making!