What does it mean to give yourself grace during hard times? In our search for calm and stability during a difficult few years and feeling overly overwhelmed from stress; giving ourselves grace seems so apropos. We are aware of our flaws, our blunders. We feel inadequate at times. We are hard on ourselves. But, do remember no one is perfect. So do show yourself grace during your hard times this way.

Give yourself grace!

Giving yourself grace is a refrain you should turn to when coping with daily frustrations; breaking a promise, arguing with family members, and of course, dealing with the repercussions of isolation. Life in an isolated and lonely Elsewhere is still with almost every American citizen.

Grace offers relief in the midst of difficulty. Giving yourself grace is permission to forgive yourself your mistakes and lapses in judgment.

Giving yourself grace can be a complicated process. For myself, I see different situations.

I find I must find a way to grant myself grace when I made errors that are unintentional but never the less wrong. I find myself guilt-ridden, and upset, and going to the ends of the earth to be apologetic. Until I accomplish the mission, I am unable to give myself grace –  until I make restitution with others and myself.

 

Giving grace is not following the pack

On the other side of the coin, when I do something intentional that others object to, and I find myself behind the 8 ball, I have no problem giving myself grace because I did what I considered noble or protective of a situation or person and after thinking it through, I can justify my action and I am proud to let the chips fall where they may. I always do my due diligence before I feel this empowerment. When you feel as I do go with your gut but please don’t lord it over another person or group with harshness but rather with your authentic feelings. Never ever bully.

There is a second situation that is strictly emotional… family, friends, and a significant other.  When any type of emotional hardship with family and friends enters the picture I do try try try to help the situation with a positive attitude. At times it is hard to find solutions because one needs two to tangle. If a problem does not work out and I know I have given it my all I kindly tell myself that I am ok because I feel it is extremely unhealthy and destructive to a woman over 50 to allow negative comments from others to infest her life.  This limits a woman’s potential. You must show yourself, grace.

 

Loneliness

Thirdly there is the other situation that may arise. During the holidays many of you are alone or feel alone. This is trying. The only way you can feel grace at this difficult time is with positive action. You are in the driver’s seat and it is up to you to find personal joy. Sad but true. But you can do it. We all can. Harder for some than for others. So, be good to yourself by putting yourself out there to find sustaining grace in your life.

In other words, giving yourself grace is giving yourself permission to forgive your mistakes, and lapses in judgment and do something about your feelings of loneliness to make sound judgments in ‘the now.’

I also think we all should all let go of self-criticism, shame, and pity through positive action. This will certainly help a woman after 50 give herself grace during hard times.

 

Celebrate yourself

As women over 50, you can do the above through self-care. It is wonderful to celebrate yourself. Don’t take time to dwell on your failures. Dwell on your successes.  When I do this I become centered and it is a marvelous and self-satisfying feeling.

Therefore, I don’t think there is anything wrong with self-care or self-compassion. For example, when I apologize or I have an interpersonal conflict that is resolved I am being kind to myself as well as the other person.  And, this feeling may allow me ( and you) to act differently in the future. We are giving ourselves the grace to step forward with positive choices. Our bodies will relax. Our exhaustion from any type of turmoil will allow us to unwind from stress and we can ‘simply be’ women after or before the age of 50.

 

Don’t become too non-judgemental!

But remember darling, don’t be too ‘nonjudgemental.’ In other words, don’t become apathetic about your behavior! When you are overwhelmed and don’t know what to do to make a situation better let’s greet your options with grace, courteous goodwill, and refinement. This is certainly giving ourselves grace.

 

The hardest times to give yourself grace

It is very hard to find grace in hard times for women over 50 when they are widowed, divorced, change careers, have an ill spouse, retire and live in Elsewhere. These are major life changes. We find we are at the mercy of circumstances beyond our control. We are forced to find a new normal. We are faced with heartache, despair, and debilitating stress.

We have no choice, darling. Remember we are wisened women after 50 and we have the tools to give ourselves grace during hard times.

We can sink or we can swim. We have no choice but to learn to navigate. We have to move toward self-growth. I am a firm believer in reaching out to others for help, taking one step at a time, opening myself to learning, eventually accepting the change, and then focusing on positive possibilities. I also create a support team. Trust me, darling, it usually works.

When we are confronted with giving ourselves grace during hard times, resilience is key. Some of us have it. Some of us don’t. If you don’t have resilience you do have the wear with all to ‘think.’ If you are unable to act, call in those who can help you put your thoughts and desires into action. I have done this. It takes a village sometimes. You are not weak when you call on others. You are strong. Showing vulnerability is empowering. Did you know that most women CEOs of corporations are women who show their vulnerable side to their staff?

 

Be grateful

Lastly, ‘simply be’ by showing grace to yourself, too. I am just one grateful person. In my stories to you, I have written that I think this began at a young age when my mom, may she rest in peace, gave me my first box of stationary and pencil set to write to people who gave me presents on my birthday. I learned to express thanks. I felt good. I was happy with myself. I have passed this down to my daughters and grandchildren. Whatever means you have turned on gratitude.

I hope at least one sentence of this story lights a spark in you to give yourself grace during hard times. You are wisened women after 50 and I am smiling.