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I'm Honey!

As a woman who has lived through many passages and learned through my larger than life experiences (positive and negative), I’ve discovered how to take a big empowering bite out of life.

Oh My, Ponder This:

Beauty & Style

Relationships

Passages After 50

How to find new friends after 50

Many women after 50, and under 50 for that matter, have lost contact with friends and acquaintances over the last two years. The shutdown and restrictions caused by the Chinese Virus have been a huge culprint; causing a forced loneliness and lethargic epidemic. On a positive note, those hours of alone time have givem women the opportunity to reflect on their joys, sorrows, and how they wanted to move forward after, and one of those natural questions has become: how do we make friends again in a changed world?

How to find new friends after 50

What the pandemic has done to women and friendships

First, you’ve likely questioned your current relationships, ultimately deciding to make changes for political or health reasons. I know I learned much about my friends personalities during the last two years. Did your friends choose to totally self-isolate? Or did they choose to follow the guidelines but live their best life possible outside the box? And which was more attractive to you?

Second, though no fault of your own, lethargy has likely set in with your current relationships. A new and unpleasant sluggish and apathetic feeling for every woman in the world whether over age 50 or younger. I bet you’ve thought to yourself, “I want friends but I don’t want to work at friendship. I have lost my get up and go!”.  

And, lastly, women over 50 are finding they no longer have the building blocks they once had as younger women. The empty nester syndrome, retirement, moving, and widowhood are all in the mix; all of that coupled with the isolation caused by the pandemic, relationship changes, and general lethargy, I find it no wonder that women are asking themselves how to find new friends after the age of 50! Never despair, darling. When you have a will, you will find your way!

Let’s be honest,  it is both easier and harder to make new friends at this stage in life. The ball is entirely in your court. Gathering women into your life is easier on one hand because time is in your favor. On the other hand, it is harder because you have to make an enormous effort. Forming new relationships is a job, but it is ‘work that is worth it’ because WOMEN NEED WOMEN.

Why women do not have friends

Ask yourself why you do not have friends? Every woman has her unique reasons but here are a few maybe you…

  • Are shy, a loner, or avoid social situations altogether
  • Move often
  • Can’t find women with the same interests as you
  • Try too hard
  • Can make friends but you’re not good at maintaining them
  • Don’t let women get too close to you
  • Feel life is too busy with other commitments
  • Don’t know where to look!

Darling, it is time for you to see the social benefits of having new women in your life!

Let’s take the lucky woman. She has her same friends from childhood and young adulthood. They likely car pooled together, went to each other’s children’s birthday parties, attended weddings, anniversary parties, traveled, gossiped, laughed and grew together like the roots of trees. They are entwined for life and this is just the cat’s meow!

But what about us! What can we do? We must realize the benefits of having women in our lives. It is a proven fact that friendship increases happiness, personal development, reduces stress, and even reduces the risk for illness!

How to make new friends

First, ‘commit’ yourself to a plan. And, stick to it. Period!

Don’t worry about rejection. You are not going to connect with every woman you meet. It is OK, darling. More relationships are temporary than life long. I have heard this saying,“A woman knows within seconds when she meets a ‘new face’ if there is a special rapport.” I believe that to be true. When your heart instantly tells you ‘to go,’ go darling!  Pursue her. 

The best thing you can do to build relationships and be yourself; be authentic, open, and honest. Most importantly, just be a friendly face! Making new friends can feel awkward for all women – so decide to be the smiling face in the crowd that compliments other women and makes them feel good. Start with a smile and a nice hello. You never know which acquaintances may turn into friends.

Where to Meet New Women

It is the same ole same ole, but it never hurts to constantly reinforce where to meet other women.

 

Take a class or join a group and strike up conversation

Take a class then reach out when in need. The others in your class have the same interest you have. There will be someone in that class that you can connect with!

I recall I had to take a History 101 in a huge lecture hall. Graduating from high school in Kankakee by the Sea left much to be desired. I had no idea how to take lecture notes, but the girl next to me did. After class I asked her if she would mind teaching me how to take notes. She said yes, and though we were opposites, we became best friends!

Join social circles other than online. A mixed bridge club, art class, movie group, wine tasting group, gym, dance class, etc.  You will have something in common with the others in the circle. 

You can even consider joining a private Facebook group. Mine! Celebrate Life for women after 50. The women really engage and some have met in person.

 

Explore new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Leave your house and explore museums, restaurants, local parks, the Opera and Symphony. You can introduce yourself to a vast pool of women by doing this. What about taking a solo travel vacation? How fun! This is the venue that would peak my fancy, seeing the world and making new friends. 

Now, that you have met a few people, how do you keep the friendship burning? 

celebrate life after 50, Honey Good's private Facebook group

Work. Work. Work.

Be with them consistently. Make dates for lunch, dinner and events. Work on the relationship. Be a better friend by being a good listener. Women love to talk. Talk less and listen more. Share your authentic self. Show your vulnerable side. Stay connected with friends who moved and reconnect with old friends. 

Be a social minimalist

REMEMBER: you do not have to be a social butterfly. You do not need more than one or two good friends. It is very important to feel connected with others for your mental and physical health, but you do not need an army of women in your life.

In other words, you can be a social minimalist, darling. Find your niche with a few fabulous women and think of their value as important as food and shelter, and think of yourself as their food and shelter.

Be selective in who you choose and you’ll find you have a strong network of women you can really count on. Personally, I want to be with women who light my fire; they must be warm and kind, not self centered, give back with joy, authentic (hard to find), and say what is on their mind. My friends must also be loyal, engaging, and live outside the box.

I am asking for a lot, I know, but that is my mantra. I prefer to be a social minimalist with lots of acquaintances! As the quote says, I’d rather have four quarters than 100 pennies.  

How do you find friends after 50? Share your tips with us in the comments section! 

 

 

November 6, 2022

Relationships

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  1. Diana says:

    Thank you for these words of wisdom!
    I’ve become “stuck”…and I needed this nudge. I refuse to be overwhelmed by the process…and look to the joys of expanding my world and the two fold blessings that come from true relationships.

  2. Marilyn says:

    I am saddened to see your use of the phrase “China flu.” This reveals your political leanings, which dismay me, and perpetuates xenophobia that can trigger negative stereotypes, can heighten prejudice, and possibly even incite incidents of hate. I’m surprised to read this because I find you to be a warm, kind, and thoughtful person. I have enjoyed reading your blog and hope I will be able to continue to do so despite seeing it through different eyes now.

    • Susan Good says:

      Thank you for the compliment. I am warm, kind and thoughtful. I know you are too. What does Covid 19 mean to any of us? It is a marketing phrase, that is all. The virus started in China and created deaths and suffering around the entire world. What is wrong with holding a country accountable? We hold our families, friends, and ourselves accountable. You do not know my political leanings so I will tell you. I am an Independent politically and an Independent woman. I am so glad you will continue following me. Warmly, Honey

  3. Irene Smith says:

    I love my girlfriends. They bring joy, laughter, and love into my life. You are correct when you say “women need women.” I found most of my current girlfriends by joining an organization called “Newcomers.” You can google it. Our group of 150 women is totally a social organization. We have many activities each month in which yo participate. Being involved helps you make acquaintances and develop more intimate close friends.
    Many Cities have Newcomer Organizations.
    I must admit I was taken aback with the reference to a China Virus . Thank you for your explanation of “holding a Country accountable.” In this hostile political environment that has torn our Country apart, even the words we use can set us off. To be clear, the virus that started in China and became a pandemic is known as Covid19. I will continue to be a fan. I enjoy and learn so much that is positive from “Honeygood!” Blessings to you and keep up the good work!

    • Susan Good says:

      I will look up Newcomers. A great organization. Good for you.I love that they have activities to participate in. Thank you so much for the information. I just can not in good conscience let China off the hook. So many lives lost, so many companies and small businesses closed, so many people suffering from loneliness, so many families separated, so many children living abnormal lives in the class room, etc. Holding people or countries accountable for their actions, good and bad, is our duty. My calling out China has nothing to do with politics.Thank you for staying with me. I am touched and I am smiling. Warmly, Honey

  4. anniebridgie says:

    I agree with Marilyn, the ‘Chinu Virus’ term was
    insensitive. It’s so divisive and unnecessary.

  5. marlene says:

    I enjoy your emails. Thanks a bundle! Marlene

  6. Linda Ricketts says:

    Honey
    Thank you for the article and thank you for not being afraid of putting yourself out there. I find people today are just waiting for a chance to criticize others. True friends know what a person is like and don’t find the need to criticize.
    I have a diverse group of friends and we listen to each other but make no judgment of each other. We can express ourselves without fear of being discarded.

    • Susan Good says:

      You are very lucky to have a diverse group of friends who listen to one another. I wish I was part of your group!!! Warmly, Honey

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