The holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah, and the New Year are just a few weeks away, and I think this is the perfect time to think wisely about our grandparenting, especially when you are not the biological grandmother to all your grandchildren. Are any of you embracing the step-grandchildren life like I am? Helping your step-grandchildren feel like a true family member is one of the most meaningful things you can do.

Naturally, I never dreamed that I would be what is known as a step-grandmother. But, then again, I never dreamed of the many experiences I have encountered in my life. I also never dreamed that my step-grandmother would be my guide on how to be a blender, not an ender. Marriage can bring new family members together and create opportunities to accept and embrace these relationships. After 32 years of grandmothering my husband’s family, I can say in the most heartfelt manner they are mine, and I am theirs. Period.

There are many different types of extenuating circumstances in families where emotions run high. Quite frankly, as the wizened matriarch, I believe it is your role to rise above the fray and take the high road. Difficult, yes. Impossible, no. Think of the grandchildren, even if they are of adult age. Think about their adjustments. Disregard unkind comments from other adults or, in some cases, other step-grandchildren. Accepting new family dynamics and roles is essential for building trust and harmony. Dance to your own drummer.

This is the perfect time of the year to be the best grandmother you can be. You are a woman over 50, and you get it. Now do it! This is the time of year of love, family, and togetherness. The importance of extended family connections in blended families cannot be overstated, as these relationships enrich everyone’s lives. Remember, the greatest gift we give grandchildren is what we leave them in their heads. It matters not if you are from their bloodline; love, not blood, is what truly matters in building bonds, and it matters that these children observe your attributes and love you.

A blended family is not a gift…IT IS AN ACHIEVEMENT! That’s why today I am sharing how to be an extraordinary step-grandparent.

I wanted to know when I started writing today’s musing, where the term ‘step’ originated. And I thought you would too, darling! In biblical times, a man would ‘step up’ and marry his deceased brother’s wife to carry on the bloodline. The term has since expanded to other members of the family to include step-grandparents, which is a term that, to be honest with you, I do not like! It sounds so cold, like the ‘steps’ in Cinderella. However, step-grandparents hold a unique position in their step grandkids’ lives, allowing them to connect and bond in special ways.

And this ‘step-grandmother is anything but cold!

Nevertheless, though I am not the biological grandmother to the Good Family Grands, I am their grandmother. We are a happy and harmonious family. It took my tender loving care, their receptiveness, and lots of sleepless nights of thought-provoking options, and, thank goodness, the extraordinary role model I had to follow…my step-grandmother! It is important to treat step grandkids with the same love and respect as biological grandchildren, ensuring everyone feels equally valued.

I profess with pride that my grandchildren and I are a happy group. We have traveled together, shared secrets with one another, leaned on one another, and have the utmost respect for each other’s feelings. As a grandmother to both stepchildren and step grandkids, building a good relationship with each of them has been a rewarding journey. These are guidelines I incorporated to earn their love and respect. This is how I became their ‘Honey.’

These are guidelines I incorporated to earn their love and respect. It is essential to treat step grandkids fairly, nurture bonds over time, and always treat step relationships with care and understanding. This is how I became their ‘Honey.’

Understanding Your Role as a Step-Grandparent

Stepping into the role of a step-grandparent is both a privilege and a unique responsibility. In blended families, the arrival of new family members can bring about a mix of emotions for everyone involved, especially for children who may be adjusting to changes in their family dynamic. As a step grandparent, it’s important to recognize that your presence in your step grandchild’s life can have a profound impact. You are not just an observer—you are a source of support, encouragement, and love.

Building a strong relationship with your step grandchildren takes time and patience. It’s natural for children to need time to warm up to new family members, and as a step grandparent, your understanding and gentle approach can make all the difference. Remember, your role is not to replace anyone, but to add another layer of care and stability to your step grandchild’s world. By consistently showing up, offering your support, and making the effort to be involved in their lives, you help create a sense of belonging and security that is so vital in blended families. Over time, these efforts can blossom into a deep and meaningful relationship that enriches both your life and the life of your step grandchild.

My Motto As a Step-Grandparent

As the matriarchs of our families, we have the responsibility to put our step-grandchildren’s feelings above our own, which can have a positive impact on a child’s life. We have earned our Ph.D. in life. They are children. Also, it is important for the grandchildren to see devotion and loyalty between you and their grandfather. Collaborating with the child’s parent and mother to foster trust and open communication is essential for a healthy family dynamic. This gives them confidence in the new relationship, which will help with bonding. Remember to tread carefully in these new family relationships to build trust and harmony.

Next, You Need Tolerance!

Most adult children will be skeptical of the new grandmother because it is not easy for them to invite a stranger into the fold. Whatever it takes, show tolerance. Put yourself in their shoes. Children may experience a range of emotional challenges during these family transitions, such as confusion or feeling left out, and will need extra support and understanding.

Remember, once you gain a relationship with the grandchildren, the entire family should blend. It is important to find common ground with other children in the family, fostering unity and helping everyone feel included.

Creating a Supportive Environment

One of the most important things you can do as a step grandparent is to foster a supportive environment where your step grandchild feels truly welcome in the new family. This means making an effort to spend time together, whether it’s sharing a favorite hobby, attending special events, or simply having heartfelt conversations about their day. Show genuine interest in your step grandchild’s life—ask about their passions, listen to their stories, and celebrate their achievements, big or small.

Open and honest communication is key to building trust. Let your step grandchild know that their feelings matter and that you are always there to listen. At the same time, be mindful and respectful of their existing relationships with their biological grandparents. Acknowledging these bonds and supporting your step grandchild’s connections with all family members helps create a harmonious family dynamic and eases the transition into the new family structure. By nurturing these relationships with care and respect, you help your step grandchild feel secure, valued, and loved.

Pay Attention To Your Step-Grandchildren’s Life!

I text and, on occasion, Facebook them. When they need me, I listen to problems over the phone, and or we text. Always, I praise their successes. And, I never forget an occasion. When they were little, I sealed each birthday card with a huge kiss on the back of the envelope with my lips full of lipstick. When they traveled, I was their pen pal. One grand spent six months in Israel and another six months in China. The emails flew back and forth. I tell them I love them. Being a friend to your step-grandchildren is just as important as any title, and it helps maintain a close bond. As well, when we see each other, I shower them with hugs and kisses. Please don’t use the excuse that your family is scattered all over the country. Mine is also. In many states! You can still nurture them with your attention. Sharing treats and little surprises brings so much joy and helps kids feel special and included. It is only your time, grandmas.

Wisdom

Our role is to make each of our Grands feel special. I have figured out what makes each of my step-grandchildren tick. It’s important to understand each person as an individual, recognizing their unique personalities and backgrounds. I know their needs, their strengths, and their weaknesses. How? I listen to them. Do you? When you accomplish this, especially by building individual relationships with each of your three grandchildren, the bond between you and your step-grandchildren will tighten. If your family structure includes your son as a parent, his involvement can play a key role in fostering these relationships and helping everyone feel included.

Trust

Be an open book with your grandchildren. Show your vulnerability. Share secrets and never break your pledge of secrecy.

Building trust takes time, so it is important to be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally. The influence of the father and step grandfather in the family dynamic can also play a significant role in fostering trust and unity among family members.

Navigating Challenges in a Blended Family

Blending families is a journey that comes with its own set of challenges, and as a step grandparent, your role is to help smooth the path for your step grandchild. Adjusting to new family members, different parenting styles, and shifting routines can be overwhelming for children and adults alike. It’s important to approach these changes with flexibility, patience, and a willingness to adapt.

Every blended family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be open to learning and growing together as a family. If conflicts or misunderstandings arise, address them with empathy and clear communication. Most importantly, treat your step grandchild the same way you would your biological grandchildren—offer the same love, attention, and support. This sense of fairness and consistency helps foster trust and unity within the family.

Remember, building bonds in a blended family takes effort from all family members, but your commitment as a step grandparent can have a lasting, positive impact. By recognizing the needs of your step grandchild and making them feel just as cherished as any other grandchild, you help create a family environment where everyone can thrive.

Participate In Your Step-Grandchildren’s Life!

Share holidays (have you already purchased their gifts?). Take family trips. Travel to their events if proximity and COVID-19 precautions make it feasible. Blend, blend, blend. We traveled to Paris and beyond into Normandy. In March we are off to Africa with three, possibly four grandsons. Three of the Grands traveling with us are Goods. My husband has been a wonderful support in building these family bonds and making our adventures possible.

I am not a therapist. But I do know how to handle my family. I allow my maternal instincts to guide me. I worked hard and, of course, had trials and tribulations, feeling my way into the world of the blended family. It felt uneven at times, and I probably made mistakes. But I remind myself not to feel guilty about the challenges that come with blending families. When it comes to names, I am honored to be called grandma, but I always respect the preferences of my step-grandchildren and what makes them comfortable. I never stopped trying and I love each one of the Goods, including my daughter-in-law, Jami, to the moon and back. I also recognize the importance of acknowledging and respecting the other grandparents in our family, as their presence helps create a harmonious dynamic. They are my family.

Do you have a blended family? If you do, what are your tips for becoming a successful step-grandparent and bonding with your step-grandchildren? Please let me know in the comments!