I am drawn to women who have a free spirit, are warm by choice, are open books, make me feel joy, refuse to hide their vulnerabilities, offer good solid advice, speak out instead of forever holding their peace, and don’t appear to have too large of an agenda. By choice, I am selective.
Personally, I shy away from the woman who protects her thoughts, is rigid, angry, jealous, and a bore. I am drawn to a creative woman. Her artful ways peak my fancy. I am also drawn to the woman whose life resembles the perfection of Renoir. Creativity and stability make for the perfect girlfriend.
I wish I could gather around me my group of women who light my fire with joy, curiosity, love, insight, wisdom, dreams, and stability. Unfortunately, most of them live in several locations in America and elsewhere, while three of my nearest and dearest friends are in heaven; one is my mother.
I think part of today’s problems is the human spirit has been ‘over domesticated.’ When we were little babes, we never had a problem saying, “NO” to others. We spit out the truth. As adults, we have become overly guarded.
In the end, we have to rely on our personal power to become free spirits after 50. It is very doable. Stop being ‘over domesticated’ and be a free spirit!
What to do:
- Become a woman over 50 who feels free, fearless, and joyful, not programmed.
- Live your life on your terms based on your personal belief system rather than a belief system based on fear and the judgment of others.
- Don’t follow the pack. Follow your spirit. Be vocal. Speaking out on topics most people won’t touch is edgy! In other words, don’t fear opening yourself up to criticism on topics that few women dare touch. Bluntness and revealing your flaws is refreshing!
- PS: I learned these pointers from my choice of friends and my experiences.
How to Become a Free Spirit After 50
Don’t compare your life to your friends. This is a commonplace phenomenon. It ruins every person’s ability to feel joyful after 50.
Here are several propositions:
- Concentrate on the positive aspects of your life by being grateful.
- Don’t spend your time comparing your life to your friends. You are camouflaging your situation.
- The criticism you receive feels like an attack but remember, the perpertrator is attacking themselves.
- The sweat of your brow will create change.
- Don’t let fear and a stilted belief system stop you from your quest.
- Remember: the woman you are comparing your life to has her ‘stuff.’
- Climb the stairs—don’t ride the elevator. You will find your free spirit and joy after 50 joy—when you climb instead of riding to the top.
- PS. I learned the above from friends and my personal experiences!
Joy Is Not Something You Wait For—You Seek It Out
Darling, you have choices! You are the creator of everything you do. Your mind is your projector, your ray of light. To find joy, you have to do your own deep dive. Your friends cannot get your job done but a wise inner circle can offer sound advice.
You Will Never Find Joy After 50 if You Are a Victim
Remember, darling, we all have setbacks. You will not be able to move forward and find joy after 50 when you allow yourself to be the victim.
Joy Is Having a Close Network of Women Friends
Remember: Women need women, but be selective. You have choices.
How I Found Joy After Two Serious Setbacks.
When I faced two serious setbacks, I did become fazed and frazzled. Then, I settle back and asked myself how I could drive myself forward and solve the situations. One answer took seven years to ‘live into’ to find my answer.
Seven years of sleepless nights, seven years of why me, seven years of intolerable grief. I am not being a drama queen. I am being my vulnerable self to show you I do not live a flawless life.
Serious situations are very complicated and take ferocity, resilience, resolve, and wisdom to stop the setback eventually. Not everyone has the same strength and resilience, but where there is a will, there can be found a way. After the age of 50, you do have the wisdom.
How I ‘Lived Into’ My Answer
At times, especially—while trying to fall asleep—I felt like the poor victim. Why was my joy being taken away from me by outside sources? I knew I had to come to terms with a cancer diagnosis and a serious family situation.
I always knew it was up to me to climb the stairs to find an answer. Eventually, after seven years and thousands of steps climbed, I recently worked through my family situation. It has been an ongoing struggle. An ongoing but necessary evolution of tireless thinking on my part and the help from a few dear friends who gave me positive input and, of course, my Ultimate Concierge.
I owe so much to my dear friend Barbara, one of my mother’s caregivers, and my mother. Before Barbara passed away almost two years ago, she gave me advice to make a phone call to a special person for guidance. Almost two years later, yesterday to be exact, I made the call and have a meeting next week.
My mother’s caregiver jolted me into reality by giving me sound advice. I have not had the opportunity to use her advice and wisdom, but that day will come eventually. My mother did something that shocked me and geared up my power.
You Can Not Recover and Find Joy Until You Mourn Every Type of Loss
On a sunny day about three weeks ago, out of the blue I opened my mouth and said, “For seven years I have been mourning a loss and now I have accepted it!!!!!” Darling, no one had died but they were no longer in my life so it was like a death to me!
That day, three weeks ago, it dawned on me that I had gone through the four stages of mourning a deep loss.
The four stages are: Denial. Anger. Depression. Acceptance.
This took seven years of my life to resolve!
Rely on Yourself and Dear Friends
The answer is to never give up when you face situations that rob you of joy and a free spirit. After 50 you have the wisdom to seek until you find your answer. You also have the wisdom to seek out women friends who feed your soul in a positive manner.
Thank you, Mom, Barbara, and Nanette. After I ‘lived into’ my answer your wisdom and sound advice helped move me forward. I have found my joy full on! My burden has ceased. I physically feel my freedom, my free spirit has returned. Amen.
DARLING, HOW DO RECLAIM YOUR JOY AND BECOME A FREE SPIRIT? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE!
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How to reclaim joy? Put to bed those things that have devastated you in some fashion. Make peace with it. In today’s social-media-frenzied world, that also may mean blocking or defriending those who have wronged you so you do not have to see them ever again in your news feed: no name, no photo, no news. It is a virtual link that is no longer valued by them and not now by you, so delete it from your life, especially if it causes you the pain of remembrance. I love this quote by Amanda Blair: “You may fear losing people. But you need to realize, losing you is something too.”
Thank you Allison for your comment and quote. Thank you very much. Warmly, Honey
Needed this post on this dreary Sunday morning. And for the week ahead as my town of HP comes back together to mark our tragedy that happened one year ago. I feel hopeful individually & collectively we move forward.
Thank You for penning this~
p.
Moving forward as a town, collectively, is heartwarming. I went to a performance to listen to the songs written by young and old who were murdered in the Holocaust. These songs were found after the war – hidden away. Every song had hope. Warmly, Honey
Glad you have come to terms with your loss. That kind of thing takes a long time to resolve and move on. Don’t ask how I know!
You mourn and survive. You cannot forget but you find joy in each day. That is the key. Warmly, Honey
Glad to read your article. I take your advice to heart
on matters in my own life. Keep up your good work.
Thank you for your trust. I am most appreciative. Warmly and in friendship, Honey