I have been theorizing … I have been questioning …
Why is love not a constant? It is the greatest human emotion.
It is the month of April. Rebirth and love are in the air. It is unfortunate that many relationships are in trouble. Do not despair. You have control.
If you have decided to stay the course there are ways to make a shift. You can achieve that with newfound commitment, communication, and a plan. Or if that fails you can still find a means to achieve personal happiness.
It’s tough to do it all.
START WITH COMMUNICATION
So let’s start out with communication. And with the need to find a solution to ‘stay’ in love in your marriage. Or stay in love with the you in you.
To be intentional is essential. If you are stuck in a relationship that is on the rocks but want or need it to survive, the first thing to do is communicate. Express these feelings to your partner. Do this with the suggestion of seeing a marriage counselor to salvage what remains of your marriage.
If he rejects your suggestion, go it alone. Because with the right therapist, you will find your footing and you may decide to shift in another direction. Above all else, you do want to stay in love with yourself. You have the power to do this.
There is always the hope that you and your partner can regain what you had. If talking and marriage counseling do not help, what are your options? If you have decided not to leave the marriage, you have an obligation to yourself to find a way to spend your life with your partner on different terms.
When you take personal responsibility for your personal happiness you will feel empowered. That will put you on an emotional high. Because empowerment is a personal feeling that fosters contentment in yourself.
BEES DO IT … BIRDS DO IT
The most intimate form of communication is in bed.
The question is: “How can you be intimate with your partner when you are dealing with unpleasant and negative feelings? They may be both emotional or physical?”
I still recall a conversation with my mom on my wedding day. My mother told me, “The most intimate form of communication is in bed. There will be times you are not in the mood. My advice is to not turn your husband away. And remember the best way of making up is to lure him into your bed.” She was right!
It is amazing how hurt or angry feelings disappear after a night in the hay!
Now is the time you can get what you want! The next morning, plead with him to visit a marriage counselor. If he objects tell him you are going alone. Remember that if it can’t be a shared experience, it can be your experience. Your goal is to reach a resolution because nothing is more important than personal happiness. When your cup is full others feel it and reap the benefits with you.
When you married you made a commitment to one another. You had a whirlwind courtship. But after a long time together some days feel like a century instead of how they used to feel … like a second.
When you or your once soulmate no longer feel committed and attached, you lose your spark. Everyone does. But with purpose, you will retrieve it.
So, you must ask yourself what is the major problem causing the strain. Could it be you?
Could the strain in your marriage be due to emotional feelings? Or perhaps to a physical problem such as menopause? Ask yourself how you can once again make your day feel like a second rather than a century by facing the music head-on.
EMOTIONAL UNHAPPINESS – MY PLAN
If I were emotionally unhappy I would think about my options and make a plan. If I decided to stay put in my marriage I would pivot. I would commit myself to making my life as joyful as possible.
I would pursue a personal dream. Or commit myself to a group of women friends or a charity I held dear to my heart. Perhaps travel with a friend or solo. I would use all my resources to commit myself to something that brought me personal joy. Your mate will feel the change in you and this may spark a positive nerve in him!
PHYSICAL UNHAPPINESS – MY PLAN
Next, I will share my plan if my problem was physical. I would visit my gynecologist to confront it and solve it. She would guide me through menopause or other physical problems. I would communicate with my husband how I felt and relay my plan. To begin, I would tell to him I am physically attracted to him remembering what my mother told me! Every man wants adoration, and it all begins in the bedroom.
The question remains if Bees do it … Birds do it …Why is it so hard for so many couples to do it … to stay in love? I believe that love does conquer all. Love nurtures, communicates, supports, and protects us from danger. It regenerates and uplifts us when our spirits are low. It is the most important facet in life. Yet it has so many sides to it. It is worth all our energy to salvage what once was …to love and be loved …how does it go astray? Circumstances, I suppose but I just don’t know.
To conclude, it is my hope that you will find contentment and happiness, no matter your situation. You deserve it and don’t forget that for one moment. Without question, you are worth it.
Just in case you missed them, be sure to check out my first two posts in the series: Honey on Sex! Why Communication is the Key to Better Sex After 50, and How to Move Forward When You’re No Longer Having Sex.