Rejection from others can have a positive effect if you can remember that it is generally the other person or groups of people that have a problem. Therefore, consider your choices before you fall apart. Of course, at the time you are experiencing the sting of unacceptance, you will naturally experience unpleasant feelings; sadness, dismay, anger, loss, fear, loneliness, and even invisibility. Why? Because everyone needs a community of well-minded people in their lives to survive.
When you are faced with rejection, take a deep breath and focus only on your self-worth. Use your positive resources; wisdom, experience, knowledge, and principles. Concentrate on valuing who you are and not on what the perpetrator tried to do to you. In other words, darling, never sell yourself short. Sell them short.
There Are Many Types of Rejection
There are many types of rejection; some far worse than others. Let’s deal with people today.
During the several passages of life from childhood through grandmotherhood, we take ‘hits’ that disarm us and even cut to our core. You may feel the sting of rejection in the workplace or with a friend or your mate, and even when you are in a group setting. I have been there so I can attest that if you let anyone disarm you, the experience is emotionally overwhelming.
Remember that rejection is usually associated with a person, group, organization, or a country wanting to lord power in some form. For example, a woman looks up to you but peer pressure from her comrades overrules her sound judgment. And, vice versa. The group likes you and the woman, a leader in the group, sees you as a threat and wants you out. Or, possibly you were passed over at a job you had your heart set on or retired early after being a dedicated employee for several years. There are adult children who decide to ostracize their parents from their lives and of course the spouse who wants a divorce.
I Don’t Have All The Answers
Consider for a moment The Holocaust. Six million innocent people were slaughtered, mainly those who were Jewish but also Christians, Gypsies, and those that came to their aid by millions who followed a sick leader. And, let us not forget the wealthy Southern slave owners and the Ku Klux Klan who used their power to reject a powerless group of good people and used them for monetary gain.
You ask yourself, why is man unkind to his fellow man?
I don’t have the wisdom to know all the answers, but I assume because many of these people or groups have mental health issues. They may have been brought up by parents who lack respect, empathy, and kindness of heart towards others. They are usually bullies who are insecure and lack self-confidence. They are power-seekers, unkind, lack feelings of remorse, and are inconsiderate. There are people and groups you stay away from because they are about hurting you. That is why I stress to disregard them and concentrate on the positive. Your feelings.
Why do good people do good things?
It is because they feel good about themselves. Others respect them. Maybe it is a mix, an investment strategy: do unto others as you would want others to do unto you. On a personal level being decent boosts your confidence, pride, and self-respect.
Rejection to Strength
So what can you do to survive rejection?
I know rejection is a hurtful experience. And, I have been there more than once. I survived and so will you by recognizing it is a good teacher. If you are a woman who has faced countless rejections it may be a good idea to make an appointment with a psychologist who practices in the field of Positive Psychology. Otherwise, be your own teacher.
What do I mean by rejection is a good teacher? Here are a few personal examples…
When I was growing up I was in a minority. I had to try harder to make my way. And, I had to prove to myself that I was just as adequate as the next kid. I worked at defining my capabilities to myself. Darling, I did not know I was doing this at the time because I was so young.
After journaling these past years, one day I had an ‘aha’ moment. “OMG,” I said to myself. “Maybe that is the reason. True grit comes to me naturally”.
On another occasion, a truly close friend rejected our friendship. I am still sad and the experience happened several years ago. It dissolved over peer pressure. I still miss her and I have a feeling she misses me. We traveled far and wide with our guys and she was exceptionally caring and by my side when I had cancer. We laughed together, shared together, and never stopped talking when we were with one another or on the phone. Darling, we shopped together and loved our families. We were committed as volunteers to our favorite charities and we were happy for one another’s accomplishments. She bought me sentimental gifts she knew I would love and I still cherish. Then, an incident occurred and poof…our friendship dissolved; just like that.
The following year she called to wish me a Happy New Year and a few years later when she heard I was at the USC medical center for surgery on a broken ankle she took it upon herself to visit me. We might have repaired our friendship but we live in different cities.
What good could possibly come from this type of personal rejection?
I learned that I will never let any person or group pressure me about anyone I care for, even if the world is against them. Darling, I have lived up to my expectations. I follow one person’s mind…my own. And, I have a wealth of happy memories from our times together that still make me smile.
I have empathy for everyone. Period. I may decide I no longer want to be with you, but I will handle myself like a lady, thinking of the person and or group, as well as my own feelings. It is not about me. It’s about everyone’s feelings. I will never intentionally reject a person or group in any way but only in the right way.
I have lived through other mishaps and one extremely severe one, but I am fortunate that I have not lived through any I have not been able to manage and eventually accept…in time.
Accept What You Cannot Change
And, this brings me to a final conclusion. If I have given my all to a person or group, or I have been wrong in some manner and apologized and they still reject me, after my wounds heal I know I have to ‘accept’ what I cannot change and move on. Why? Because at that point I know it’s about their insecurities or their hateful behavior or the peer pressure they are under, etc. And, that is that, darling. Empathy, tenacity, and knowing how to pivot from rejection is not difficult.
Do you have a question or advice you’d like to hear from me? Your name will not be disclosed so feel free to write to me concerning your problems and questions at INFO@honeygood.com!
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